2009 - A Very Punny Season

While 2008 had it's highs and LOHSE and some players went the extra MILES, it was nothing to FELIPE over. Right from the start the question was; IZZY going to save the games for us or throw us all for a LOOPer. We all hoped, to no avail, that he would CESAR the moment.

Anyway, let's focus on 2009 and we'll start with the Relief (that was an oxymoron last year) Corp. There's a re-MOTTE chance that Chris will PERez into the batters eyes and mesmerize them. Josh is back from injury and we need to know; KINNEY or can't he pitch effectively? To coin a new phrase - Franklin will be set-up in mint condition. We're aware that McClellan would KYLE to be in the starting rotation, but it looks like he'll join Thompson as our Long Relief's BRAD and butter. And what about our LOOGY'S? Mozeliak had the JOHNSON to put his foot to the FLORES and go after new talent, but his lack of a MILLER instinct has a familiar RING to it. By June we may have only Charlie MANNING the left side of the pen.

Is our starting pitching where it BOGGS down? Well Mozeliak's interest in another starter has certainly waned, which upsets La Russa because Tony will tell you that Mo can't even WAINWRIGHT. CARP'S shoulder may be a little fishy so DD may need a Hot TODDy Wellemeyer or two to get him through the season. So it looks like Pineiro will JOEL-vault into the number five rotation slot, but if he fails we have a young gun named Jesse who'll TODDle into the picture.

Enough about pitching, what about that crowded outfield? In spite of COLBY being cheesed at not getting a late season call, we're not going slam-DUNCAN and predict he gets handed the center field job. Injuries are BARTON parcel of the game and unless we get Rick a good SCHUMAKER to make him a pair of hightop cleats he may suffer a broken ANKIEL. There will be no cRYAN the blues (that's the hockey team) for Ludwick. He'll have another fine season. And MATHER good lord make sure that Joey doesn't bomb!

Gold Glover Yadier will MOLINA have a great chance to throw out every single base runner. Watching all this will be back up Jason who will never LARUE the day he signed up with the Cards.

The Cardinal Nation is upset with Troy for having surgery so close to the start of the season, but those who live in GLAUS houses shouldn't throw stones. Is the infield better now? BARDEN me for saying no! Sure the grass seems GREENEr at short, but Mo doesn't know Second Base from ADAM and while he may have this new career minor leaguer THURSTON for playing time, he's put a FREESE on acquiring another third baseman. If only he was trRYAN to improve things we'd greatly appreciate it.

And finally, no joke, thank God we have the best player in baseball: Albert Pujols!

I hope you enjoyed this piece which was meant to entertain and bemuse you.

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