We Missed Sosa So There Still is Hope

Dodgers GM Ned Colletti had an off day and the Texas Rangers beat him to the punch in offering a contract to slugging outfielder Sammy Sosa. We don't really know how Colletti missed out. Sosa is the prototype of players Colletti loves - first an ex- something, second, a player with numbers galore. Forget they are behind him. Sammy is after all younger than Luis Gonzalez.

Just think about an outfield with Sosa AND Gonzalez. Center fielder Juan Pierre would set a big league record for most touches of a baseball in a single season or however his legs will last. (By July Pierre would have not only one useless arm but two useless legs as well).

There are still old guys out there that can be signed before spring training. Think about slugger Rafael Palmiero. You could move Nomar to third and have two really non-slick fielding corner infielders. And if Palmiero isn't Italian, he sure sounds like it. Think of a dinner party of Lasorda, Colletti, Conti and Palmiero. Diet linguini all around and a guy grateful enough to pick up the check.

And for the coup de grace, how about bringing back Steve Finley for the outfield. Remember what Finley did in an earlier reprieve as a rent a player? And not to forget, Finley is now an ex-Giant, which has to move him up on the Colletti wish list.

Since we are signing kids with more major surgeries than partial seasons in the big leagues, why not just go whole hog and get guys who are able to sit on the bench and earn more AARP credits.

The fans, gullible as they are, will pay big money for the chance to see legends. It doesn't make a lot of difference what they can do now, just the memories are enough for the Southern California crowd.

If the Dodgers hurry up, they still have a chance to field the oldest team in the history of baseball. If it weren't for the fact that Jeff Weaver's agent is "that guy" we could bring him back as well.

If Weaver ain't old, he has aged the Dodgers fans a full decade in his last suspense filled fidgeting, fretting, frowning trip in Dodgers Blue. Old Lefty Wells will still be glad to take some dummies money, why not the Dodgers?

The Dodgers wouldn't have to worry about guys sporting beards or facial hair, as the preponderance of grey would unmask the Dodgers fixation with old geezers. Instead of a bevy of Joe Pepitone hair dryers, the baggage guys would have only much lighter cases of Grecian Formula No 1.

When buddy Billy Shelley first broke the news earlier in the off season the Dodgers were interested in Gary Carter, who, with the Dodgers fondness for yesteryear, blamed any Dodgers fans for thinking Carter was being considered for backup catcher, not minor league manager?

It is a good bet Dodgers fans will get more for their money this year. They will get longer games. Just think, with a team this old how much longer it will take the team to get on and off the field between innings. The one thing about home runs is the hitters can get around the bases at their normal speed - slow.

Now only if we had a couple of old guys who still could hit a homer. Unfortunately, big league baseball is not a senior citizens softball, slow pitch home run hitting contest. Only that it were. The Dodgers have names. Boy do the Dodgers have names. But amidst the glow and glitter of the names is the reality.

Did anybody pick up Tot Holmes' leaking of Bill James' and Company projections for the Dodgers name players for 2007? Not a 20 home run projection year in the bunch.

The Phillies Kiddie Corp, Ryan Howard and Chase Utley (both short of their first free agency heist) will hit more than the entire Dodgers team. The Dodgers are threatened with actually being lapped in the only home run derby that counts, how many actual hit in real games. The weakened (by age) Dodgers belters may lead the league in warning track fly outs.

If this trend for age continues, the Dodgers may want to finally shed that old, outmoded and senseless (for LA) name "the Dodgers." Why stick with something that doesn't fit? How about the LA Groaners. It would fit the old aches and pains "playing" squad. It will also fit the fans, who will have as much if not more reasons to groan as cheer and the clock keeps ticking.

If only we could give the world watches stopped on a players best moment and have time stand still. Unfortunately, baseball is sometimes like the real world. This is one of them.