Weaver? WEAVER?

Jeff Weaver? Why? Well, that makes a full dozen of underwhelming post-season signings by the Dodgers, each in turn an underwhelming ho-hum.

Included are Juan Castro. Mark (never a regular anyplace) Loretta. Luis Maza. Hector Luna. Shawn Estes. Scott Strickland. Claudio Vargas. Guillermo Mota. Brad (he's so  old he was probably holding the reins of Traveler for 'ole Marse Lee at Appomattox) Ausmus. Tanyon Sturtze, Randy "old sore arm" Wolf and now Jeff (he who gives routine warning track long fly balls to righties and can't get any lefties out) Weaver.

So much for the Dodgers youth movement. The dozen players they've signed are both old and awful. What does this say about the Dodgers talent evaluators?  There's an old saw that you can't make a silk purse out of sow's ear, but you can hardly fault the Dodgers for trying.

Even P.T. Barnum, as in "There's a sucker born every minute" wouldn't have tried to pass off the Dodgers dozen as the legit argument. Has the baseball pool sunk to such a low that this is the best the Dodgers could have done?

On the face of it, the Dodgers have only memories of Florida. Not a single team, even rookie teams, left. Yet the Dodgers additions have totally eschewed the Florida tradition of the "early bird special" that tantalizing feature wherein really old people go to the restaurants at 3 or 4 p.m. for dinner before they begin to fall asleep.

The thing is, baseball is played mostly at night, when the Dodgers dozen will - as Joe Torre was wont to do in New York- fall asleep.

  The Dodgers front office - with a perfectly straight face - are putting a huge, huge spin on their underwhelming signings as a sign of the Dodgers really being "proactive" during this last off season.

GM Ned Colletti, now in the final year of his pact, has gone from spending big money on bad deals to spending less money on equally bad signings.

There have probably been Dodgers GMs who have been worse at signings but our history books are getting rusty along the days of the old Brooklyn Robins.

The union loves the word collusion. Here is collusion for real. Colletti could not really be this bad without collusion from the ownership. The Dodgers signees are making us long for Esteban Loaiza. Or Bill Mueller, who went down and all the way out after a month or so.

The Dodgers signings are the final  step in the Hollywoodization of the Dodgers - they've got us a bunch of players who look like players but are really only actors.

It reminds us of Irving Berlin, nee Izzy Balin, who showed up at his aging Russian mom's on Friday night resplendent in fancy blue blazer and brass buttons, white flannel pants, an ascot and a captain's cap (he had only recently been the first Jew admitted to the New York Yacht Club).

Irving's mom said "NU?" (a lovely yiddish work meaning what the hell is this?). "I'm a captain," he proudly said. "Yet me tell you something," mamuchka said. "By me you are a captain. By you,you are a captain. By captains, you ain't no captain." Sadly that is the the sum total of the Dodgers winter foolishness

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