Mailbag of a Giants Fan

After a 2-4 road trip (and still picking up a game on the D-backs), a Jeffrey Hammonds homer and getting ready for my baby boy who's due in September, it's time to respond to some of my readers.

First of all, if you're having a baby, choose your birthing classes carefully. While the Giants were taking on the Cubs last week, I was attending a class my wife and I paid $100 to attend and were forced to watch a pregnancy documentary that suggested labor pains would subside if you "imagine the cervix as a flower preparing to blossom." I was ready to see the pregnant woman in the film to start skipping through a wheat field but all I got was a very vivid close-up of that blooming flower. Alas, I wanted my money back and felt the need to reconnect with some of my readers.

And thanks for the letters, people! Some are disturbing and many of you frighten me, but thank you!

Rob G. writes: I can relate to your feelings (as a Giants fan) and if somebody doesn't understand, I flash them my Giants tattoo to shut them up.
Does flashing the tatt really get people to shut up? If that's the case, I'm off to the Tattoo Hut right now. Is a Yankee tattoo enough to make people trip and fall? What does an Expo tatt do? To all of my readers adorned with body art, pray tell.

Brad B. writes: I will never forgive them for trading W. Mays, W. Clark, and M. Williams. But I will never stop rooting for them.
Brad, Mays' best days were well and far behind him. Trading Williams netted Jeff Kent. Clark left on his own accord. Forgive and forget, Brad. (You mean to tell me that after Will Clark departed, you DIDN'T get excited for the Todd Benzinger era?)

Mark R. writes: There is a magic about the GIANTS, and I think every city in baseball knows it. These are good times indeed.
You're right, Mark. They know it and the 71 wins thus far have been all good. But this team isn't going to slip under anyone's radar like last year. Every year the Giants give us good times. But I don't want good times! I want parade-down-Market-Street times! Now those are truly good times! Dy-no-MITE!!!!

Dan the Dentist writes: I share your joys and anguish from behind the plate at Pac Bell or tuned to KGO...
Program Director, Bob Agnew, at KNBR just keeled over. KGO, Dan? If KGO is locked into your car stereo's memory, you might as well wear Bermuda shorts, brown socks and white patent leather shoes to mow your lawn.

Scott. D. The Dodger Fan writes: And as I often chuckle at Giants fans contending that Dodgers fans leave early to and from games. How come when I see a game on TV at Pack Hell, there are MULTIPLE green empty chairs all over the stadium?
Given the fact that the Giants are practically leading MLB in attendance, not to mention that the Dodgers stink like an abandoned Port-A-Potty, chuckles must be few and far in between in your house. Does sitting on top of the Dodgers by 12.5 games make the Giants' butts look big? Now go leave another game early, Scott.

Scott A. writes: I want the Giants to be in first place, and the Dodgers to be in LAST... preferably about 40+ games behind.
Coming soon: The Scott A. Versus Scott D. cage match.

Roger R. writes: Desire and the will to go all out are necessary for (the Giants) to bring home the much elusive ring.
Roger, what makes me shake my head at least once a day is that Dusty felt that he put forth all of the desire and will to go all out he could possibly muster by starting Pedro Feliz at third base for Game 7 last year. Something tells me that if put in the same situation, Felipe Alou would define "desire" and "the will to go all out" a little differently.

Linda K. writes: We have long thought that the Giants should sponsor an online support group for those of us suffering from "post traumatic game 6 disorder".
No amount of therapy will get me through that one. I'd rather have a DeLorean with a fully functioning Flux Capacitor to get me back in time to convince Dusty Baker to let Russ Ortiz face Scott Spiezio. The outcome may have been no different, but I think Ortiz still had better stuff than Felix "Fastball Straighter Than A Clothesline" Rodriguez.

Tim A. writes: Why is it, for 40 years, we're always flying by the seat of our pants with only a couple of consistent pitchers and hitters that consistently fall below clutch producing level. Just one time I would like to see us dominate our rivals instead of playing cat and mouse (they lose we lose, they win we win, they win we lose and they lose we win and so forth). When are we going to have a team that just KICKS #%&!!!!!! -Tim A.
Tim, pardon my continued Dusty bashing but if he were still the manager, the Giants would most likely be emulating the performance of the 2003 Cubs. Specifically, they'd be a few games over .500 while staying afloat in hopes of a September hot streak. Unlike Baker, Alou manages within the moment. If you're old, if you're young, no matter. On Alou's team, if you can play then you're in the line-up. Alfonzo and Aurilia would not nearly have seen so much bench time as they have this season had Dusty still had a hold of the reins. Hence, 71 victories and a double digit lead in the West.

Jonathan R. writes: Well it is really late and I spent my night partying with my friends and am pretty wasted myself like you probably were in Vegas ("A Giants Fan In Sin City, Parts I and II, 7-10-03 and 7-17-03). I think I might take your advice and take a shower and drink a bunch of water, hope it works!!.... P.S. I am glad to say that with my partying tonight I was lucky enough to find a hot chick at the party who is right here next to me right now as I write this email.
I was never wasted enough to think that making a pretty girl watch me read a sports article on the internet while thinking about taking a shower would be a good idea. Jonathan, before heeding my hangover advice, let's first have a little "Dating 101." First lesson: Don't make girls watch you read sports articles. Ever. You're making all would-be-Casanova Giants fans look like flaming morons.

Enjoy the weekend series with the Phillies, everyone. Keep the letters coming, your tattoos fresh and your Dodger trash talk flowing like wine. And pray that I don't have to listen to more analogies of blooming flowers.

Keith Larson writes for because he's lived and died with the Giants since 1972. He welcomes all words of praise and insult at, but mentioning anything having to do with Game 6 is to be done with extreme caution.

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