Bonds Unbound! Episode 2

Giants fans didn't get to see Bonds on the field thanks to even more rain, but they did get to see him on the 2nd episode of "Bonds on Bonds" a Pirates uniform? Come on, rain or not, they didn't have to dig that deep into the archives, did they?

LOS GATOS - First of all, the Los Gatos branch of Comcast needs to get on board with ESPN’s website because ESPN says “Bonds on Bonds” has the six o’ clock slot and Comcast LG puts it on at five.  My two year old wakes up from his nap at four.  I figure that we go to the gym for an hour and a half or so and then I can loaf on the couch with my laptop and suck up the latest Bondsian-related entertainment and go to work, but NO!  Apparently, the local programmer airs it an hour earlier than ESPN’s start time and, as a result, I had to stay up late for the eleven o’ clock repeat.

Before the eleven o’clock viewing, my wife and I enjoyed an unbelievable bottle of Testarossa Vineyards’ bottle of Rosella’s Vineyard chardonnay and, lucky you, here’s my recap.  Aren’t I the responsible journalist? 

In this episode of “Bonds on Bonds”, Barry admits taking sleeping pills to get his sleeping pattern in order.  I advise chasing a two year old and a wife of nearly five years.  You’ll put Rip Van Winkle to shame.

With that said, tonight’s episode was definitely a drop-off in entertainment value. 

I’m troubled by the fact that the producers of this show are already digging into archival footage of Bonds.  Of course, the rain that’s currently peeing all over the West Coast doesn’t help, considering that two of the games Barry would have been involved in were adversely affected by the hellacious weather that’s battered Northern California for the last two months.

But come on!  Give me something good!  Episode two looked like Barry was still a Pirate!  What I want to know is how many Pirate fans watching the show felt like a hot poker rod was firmly ensconced between their legs when watching the highlight of Sid Bream sliding just ahead of Bonds’ throw in the ’92 NLCS?  I hated Atlanta and Pittspuke and it hurt me.

Regarding tonight’s show, we had the rehash of the steroids and his slow start.  But where were the parts where he was threatening to kill his daughter?  Give me the goods that make Barry’s lovers more enamored and his haters more fueled!

At the very least players, managers and media were giving predictions of the date he’ll break Ruth’s mark.  Omar Vizquel and Dusty Baker think it’ll be the 24th of this month (which is only 12 days away). 

Bonds says it’ll be the first week of May.  When asked if it will take as long as July, he jests that he’ll be out of baseball by July.  He said it in the same way that he’d kill his daughter if she wasn’t six (SEE:  Pilot episode).

Other than that, the show was lacking.  We saw his Opening Day successes, i.e, big time home runs, his rivalry with Atlanta and the forgiving nature of San Francisco fans.  I did relish watching that nutbag lady holding the “Trade Barry” sign at the home opener who got verbally pummeled by the beer-swollen fan to wear a Braves uniform, jump off the second deck and then he’d pay attention to her.  It’s refreshing to see those old Candlestick fans are alive and well.

As far as his Hall of Fame aspirations go, it seems that he cares but puts on airs to seem that he doesn’t.  In his corner for first ballot election are Peter Gammons, Chipper Jones, John Smoltz, Joe Carter and Tony Gwynn.  In the opposite corner were fat guys giving sound bites at Spring Training.  Needless to say, this guy is going in.  No asterisk, either.

But when it comes to drama, this episode was benign.  Nothing revealing.  It was lazy and the viewer who wants to embrace him or chastise him need more.

Rest assured, the moment he hits home run #1 in 2006, the show will be put in motion.

Until then, don’t expect much.  But watch just in case.

Keith Larson writes for because he's lived and died with the Giants since 1972. He welcomes all words of praise and insult at, but mentioning anything having to do with Game 6 is to be done with extreme caution.

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