Power Rankings

This week's Power Rankings take on a TV Show theme, and InsidethePark's Luke Lapinski promises to make you laugh. Check out where your favorite team stands as we rapidly approach the summer months.

1. ANAHEIM - "Touched By An Angel": a calm and serene Vladimir Guerrero goes about his business touching the lives of random people and warding off danger by swinging a bat - at everything.

2. BOSTON - "Bewitched".  Why?  Because they are.

3. NY YANKEES - "Who Wants To Be A Billionaire?" A-Rod does.

4. CHI. CUBS - "Batman": Oh wait, that says "Batman" and not "Bartman"?  Never mind.  Hmmm... well, okay, if they made a series about Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Sammy could be Sneezy.  And Corky.

5. OAKLAND - "The A-Team": I pity the fool who tries to knock Mark Mulder out of a game (3 CG‘s in a row).

6. PHILADELPHIA - "ER": Now Randy Wolf's hurt.  And Billy Wagner.  And Placido Polanco.  Oh yeah, and Jim Thome.

7. CINCINNATI - Explore the annual preseason questions of the Reds, their fans, and Griffey in "Will Ken Really Play? (WKRP) In Cincinnati".

8. CHI. WHITE SOX - "Chicago Hope": With two teams leading their divisions, the city has a lot right now.

9. MINNESOTA - "The Wonder Years": As in, wonder where the pitching went (gave up 8 runs or more in 4 of their last 5 games against division rival Chicago).

10. TEXAS – "Happy Days": Alfonso Soriano - a.k.a The Fonz - makes everything work.  And they all like to hang out at R.A. Dickey's Drive-In.

11. FLORIDA - "Miami Vice": The crime fighting duo of Hee Seop Choi and Armando Benitez spend their days patrolling the beach looking for trouble.  

12. HOUSTON - "CSI: Houston."  (CSI = Clemens Still Invincible) 

13. SAN DIEGO - "X-Files": Takes an intriguing look at the possibilities of where Xavier Nady may have disappeared to.  Because he sure isn't playing major league baseball.

14. LOS ANGELES – Back to "The O.C." – the Offensively Challenged - scoring 1 run or less in 3 of their last 4 games and losing 9 of their last 10.

15. ST. LOUIS - "Winnie the Pujols": Documents a search through the Hundred Acre Wood for some decent pitching.  

16. MILWAUKEE - "The Twilight Zone": Imagine if you will, a world in which the Milwaukee Brewers are actually above .500. 

17. NY METS - "24": About how many games they'll finish out of first this year. 

18. ATLANTA - Julio Franco stars in "That (Guy In His) 70's Show."

19. DETROIT - (To the tune of the "Spider-Man" theme song) Bonder-Man. Bonder-Man.  Does whatever a Bonder can.  Need a win?  Listen bud, this guy's racked up 4 of ‘em.  So lookout!  Here comes the Bonder-Man! 

20. BALTIMOREKurt Ainsworth and his cool 9.68 ERA have clearly been "The Weakest Link".

21. PITTSBURGH - A lot like "Seinfeld" in that they are a team about nothing.  Except there's nothing funny about these guys.

22. SAN FRANCISCO – "Baywatch": The adventures of a group of lifeguards who rescue drowning baseballs from McCovey Cove.  Ratings are low, however, because these lifeguards are mainly just round men in inflatable rafts.

23. CLEVELAND - "Saved By The Belliard."

24. ARIZONA - "SpongeBob Brenleypants": Tells the story of a soon-to-be fired manager who eventually finds happiness and whacky adventures in a new life under the sea - far away from the likes of Casey Daigle and Matt Mantei.  

25. TORONTO – Homer Simpson would put it best – Carlos DelgaD'oh! (.230 avg., 40 K's), OrlanD'oh! Hudson (3 for his last 33, 1 RBI in his last 11 games), Frank CatalanaD'oh! (injured).

26. COLORADO - "Lost In Space": An educational series on the balls that leave Coors Field.

27. SEATTLE - "Unsolved Mysteries": In a town in western Washington, a baseball team has mysteriously gone from being competitive one year to absolutely horrible the next - seemingly without reason.

28. TAMPA BAY - "3rd Rocco From The Baldelli": At least he still plays like he's from another planet.

29. MONTREAL - "Cops: Montreal/San Juan Edition": If they don't start scoring runs, someone should be arrested.  And I want to see it as it happens.

30. KANSAS CITY - "Survivor": Uh, yeah, they're about to be voted off the island. 


Luke Lapinski grew up in Tacoma, Wash. and now is in the final stages of his undergrad career at Arizona State University. Let Luke know what you think of this week's power rankings by shooting him an email at thebigll@hotmail.com.

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