Mulling Over The Mullets: The Best of '93

When the '93 Phillies are remembered, it's usually a story about their road to the World Series, or how the rag tag group of misfits was able to join together to form one hell of a team. This look back is a bit different. Instead of wasting our time on insignificant facts such as winning the National League pennant, we will take this time to remember one of the greatest collection of mullets that professional sports has ever seen.

For those of you who don't know what a mullet is, just think of a hairstyle that forms the shape of a "7" and you'll have the basic idea. The mullet has many nicknames, some of which will be found right here. Traditionally, those with mullets can be found in the southern United States, but in the 1980s and early 1990s, the supreme hairstyle and way of life spread throughout the U.S. and around the globe. If you would like to see a mullet in person, just go to a rock concert (any metal band will do) and look for the guy holding a Budweiser and yelling "Freebird!" (this is the official song of the mullet brotherhood) over and over. Now, it's important that the mullet is not confused with the skullet, which was invented by David Crosby. With that said, we can now get to the nominees for our prestigious award.
John Kruk was one of the early proponents of the mullet look on the '93 Phillies.

Our first candidate is the ever-popular John Kruk. When evaluating of the big lefty's mudflap, it's important to consider the distinct West Virginia feel to it. Without that backwoods environment, who knows whether it could have reached it's full potential of greatness or not. Anyway, Kruker's mullet was of the more scraggly variety, and during games was often a wet, sweaty mess, matted down to the back of his neck and jersey. This would result in a sight that certainly struck fear into the hearts of opposing pitchers, and earned Johnny a few All-Star appearances. Watching Kruk's mullet flap in the breeze like Superman's cape as he trotted around the bases after launching one of his 14 dingers of that season, made all in attendance stare in wonderment and awe of the beautiful bi-level in front of them. To complement the Tennessee tophat, John had a very fashionable, and somewhat dirty looking, beard. Unfortunately, since the 1993 season, Kruk has shaved that beard and cut off the mullet. It will be missed.

In just his second year with the Phillies, Curt Schilling established himself as one of the more impressive mullets in the clubhouse. Though he was just 27 years old at the time, Curt seemed to be a little a little thin on top, so the MBS (Michael Bolton Solution) seemed to be the only answer, and his mullet was born. The NLCS MVP had the classic "business on top, party in the back" style. His long, feathered, blonde locks flowed freely from underneath down his neck, while the front was nicely combed and styled for that professional look. The crowning moment for Schilling's Camaro cut came after he shut the door on his complete game shutout in the fifth game of the World Series. Once he recorded that last out and started making his way back to the dugout, Curt lifted up his hat to acknowledge the cheering crowd and show off his wonderful 10/90 (the ratio of hair up front to hair in the back).

Next we have a man who was in his very first season with the Phillies, coming to us from Houston. To go with his Achy-Breaky-Big Mistakey, Pete Incaviglia had the ever popular mullestache, which is a mustache worn by many mullets. As if the mullet and mullestache weren't enough, Inky also had the mulletude that oozed from his IROC cut like nobody's business. The mulletude is the attitude that accompanies a Missouri Compromise and is usually visible to us coldnecks through a scowl or deathly stare that can only come from a mullet and says "hey there fella, you better watch your step or I'll sic my shorty-longback on ya!" Anyway, Pete would often focus the full force of his mulletude on opposing pitchers, warm and cold neck alike. The result was a fine season of 24 homers, 89 RBIs, and a .274 average in just 368 at bats in '93.

The fourth and final candidate for the best Mullet of 1993 award is, of course, Darren Daulton. Some may argue that Daulton's mull didn't meet the official requirements for ape drapes, but even if it was just a mullderline, or mullet in development, its quality is undeniable. Dutch's Yep-nope was reminiscent of Sonny Crockett's in the latter seasons of "Miami Vice." The reasons for Darren's mullet are really quite simple. As a catcher, he has protection for just about every other part of his body, so why not his neck? And what better way to protect your neck than with a fine head of hockey hair? There is no better way my friends. There simply isn't.

Well, the time has come to name the best of the best. Along with the award, our winner will receive tickets to an upcoming NASCAR event where his mullet can be in it's natural habitat. You may now start the drum roll by tapping the desk in front of you. Alright, though it doesn't really exist, the Billy Ray Cyrus memorial award for excellence in the field of mullets goes to…Pete Incaviglia!

Pete takes home the "Mully" because he had the whole packaged going for him. From a perfectly shaped Beaver Paddle, to the mullestache and mulletude, Inky had the total mullet persona going for him. Standing 6'1" 225 lbs, Inky was a big dude with a big mudflap, and thus the textbook definition of a mullet. Congrats Pete, you earned it.


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