The RoyalCurve Guide to Naming Your New Baby

There’s a lot of love in the air surrounding Kansas City lately. The love for the Kansas City Royals and their postseason run is manifested in many ways. Royal Love is seen and heard by raucous crowds at Kauffman Stadium. Royal Love is proven by skyrocketing merchandise sales. What hasn’t be seen yet is that Royal Love will likely produce a wave of newborn children next summer.

The recent euphoria concerning the Kansas City Royals improbable postseason run, Kansas City Hospitals should probably be on alert for an outbreak of new children being born in early-to-mid summer. In other words, there may be a lot more than just fireworks bursting on the 4th of July. Since it was the Royals that caused a lot of this love to happen, it only makes sense that you would pay tribute to the Royals when you name that bundle of joy. With that in mind, we here at RoyalCurve have produced a guide to the fans that have gotten lucky in the last few weeks, or will be getting lucky in the next week or two. In short, we will help name your child!

In general, we’ll try to avoid using common first names as a way of naming your baby in some way related to the Royals. Naming your child Eric, Mike, or James and then saying you named them after Eric Hosmer, Mike Moustakas, or James Shields, is just cheap. That doesn’t count. Sorry. Like the Royals have committed themselves to performing in the postseason, you need to commit to your love for anything Royals – especially your baby!

Kauffman – Naming your child after the stadium where playoff magic happens could work. Kauffman Stadium was named after the team’s original owner Ewing Kauffman. It’s hard to go wrong on this one. Female alternative – unisex name.

Hosmer – You’re a little late if you think you’ll be the first to come up with this idea. Breckin William-Hosmer Speer has already been born. The Royals wild wildcard win sent Breckin’s mother into labor, hence the name Hosmer. Female alternative – Hosmina.

Moose – Extra fan points will be given if you exceed two o’s in the name. This name would be perfect if you want your child to show up when the spotlight is on, despite doing very little with his (or her) opportunities up to that point. Female alternative – Mooselda.

Gordo – Not Gordon, Gordo. Gordon is the kind of first name that makes a guy go by his middle name for the rest of life. Gordo is a name that speaks quiet intensity. Gordo is a child that will always give 100%. Female alternative – Gordina.

ZoCain – Cain is so…. biblical, and should make you question the safety of your other children. ZoCain is just plain badass. Playing catch with Little ZoCain will be easy. The ball will never hit the ground. Female alternative – unisex name (ZoCain can be anything he or she wants to be).

Finnegan – Finnegan does things that other kids have never done before, and he does it while being oblivious to the pressure that he should be under. Little Finnegan will be the first child at day care that walks, and then he’ll follow that up with being the first one to talk. Female alternative – unisex name.

Jarrod – Jarrod is unique enough that if you name your child Jarrod, they will know you are referring to Jarrod Dyson. If you know your child is going to be fast, Jarrod is the name you want (Dyson just sucks as a name). Just don’t plan on catching little Jarrod. He will always be able to get away from you. Female alternative – Jarrodette.

Gore – Let’s face it some guys are “short” and some guys are “quick”. Ladies, if the man who got lucky with you was both “short” and “quick”, Gore is the name for your little speedster. Female alternative – N/A (that would just be mean).

Holland – Holland is the name for your super-polite tyke. He shuts the door when he is supposed to. Just be careful of your fingers, because he tends to shut the door pretty hard. Female alternative – Holly (in true Ned Yost fashion).

Yordano – Hide the knick-knacks. Hide the small pets. Hide everything that is within reach. If little Yordano finds it, he’s going to fling it. Hard. Look forward to broken windows and holes in the sides of the house. Female alternative – Yordana.

Salvy – There’s lot of Salvador’s in this world already, but there aren’t too many Salvy’s. Salvy is a born leader. Get ready to start making Student Council campaign posters. He’ll also be name an honorary member of the police force for catching a bunch of people stealing. Female alternative – unisex name.

What other names can you come up with? Discuss in the RoyalCurve fan forums.


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