The Tiger in the Hat

The Tigers have had an extremely active 2003 offseason - unlike most of their offseasons in the past, which were highlighted by big time acquisitions like Bip Roberts and Craig Paquette. But rather than typical article form, this summarizes the Tiger offseason through rhyme, much the way Dr. Seuss wrote his award-winning books.

Inspired by the video release of Dr. Suess' The Cat in the Hat, I thought I'd write this article the way Ted Geisel would have wanted me to.

A year of aversion, a year to forget.
Forgot how to grin, and forgot how to hit.
A loss or two or a hundred and nineteen.
A win here and there, but few and far in between.
They needed some help in the infield and out.
Some relief with the relievers and the starters, no doubt.
So Mike opened his checkbook and he started to write,
Pay to the order of Vina and White.
The fun didn't stop there, you know what I mean.
Because here come veterans DiFelice and Levine.
Dave went out to find a pitcher to be our number one.
He said, "Jason Johnson is the man to get the job done."
Not much production from the shortstop, No, No, No!
So a swap with the Mariners made him Go, Go, Go! They gave us Guillen and that made us smile.
There hasn't been a shortstop here like him for a while.
Detroit gave Yan another try, then saw Palmer say goodbye,
Then some catcher kind of caught their eye.
Pudge Rodriguez would be their guy.
All these additions to combine with the old.
If there were offseason Olympics, give them the gold.
Bobby and Alex will be helped by White.
With Monroe off the bench, they'll be alright.
Dmitri will be the designated hitter, cause hitting is what he does.
Last year, he could have been a quitter, but an MVP he was.
They have Pena and Vina, Guillen and Munson.
Comerica Park is where they'll score their runs in.
To help the pitching staff, Pudge will be great.
Johnson, Maroth, Bonderman, and Nate.
The fifth starter, well, they've yet to determine,
But a possible trade may change this burden.
Walker and Levine will keep the Tigers in it.
But who in the world will get them to win it?
"How about Urbina?" that's what Pudge did say.
3 million dollars later, Ugueth is on his way.
I can't say for sure how the Tigers are going to do.
Well, what would you say if someone asked you?

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