Upper Deck: Scary Halloween Changes

On Halloween night, the ghouls once again came out and walked the earth. It does not matter where you are, but somehow in Dallas, things this year have been a bit, well, creepy. Most years we only have the Ghost of White Rock Lake to contend with.

The Ghost of White Rock Lake is reported as a long-ago drowning victim who shows us as a hitchhiker only to disappear in a Samaritan's car, leaving behind nothing but a puddle of water and a haunting odor not unlike a sardine sandwich.

But Halloween 2010 has brought a fair amount of terror to our fair burgh, beginning with the ghostly specter of the Invisible Man, the giant free-agent signing expected over the summer but which never quite materialized with the Mavericks as expected. In a related story, be aware, if a strange-looking man dressed in a carp costume shows up at your door, be nice to him. After all, he is The Fish. And he's still angry about the absence of that Invisible Man.

Then we have the Team of the Living Dead, formerly referred to as the Dallas Cowboys … now more reminiscent of the cowboys of Boot Hill, but with less personality. Certainly, it has been suspected for some time now that the ‘Boys have been replaced by zombie-like creatures. A viewing of the weekly press conference by the head coach seemed to confirm this as his mood seemed particularly dead. However, members of the press corps have since indicated that Wade Phillips always looks like he was just removed from a pine box and propped up in front of a microphone. Apparently, the fact that the team's demise by Halloween and the fact that the guy calling the offensive plays is named Jason is just a coincidence, but all the same if I was in Valley Ranch, I would not be the first one to go down and check out the noise in the basement. It could be Jerry … tinkering … madly.

The Rangers advancing to the World Series is an event that many of us had suspected would foreshadow the coming of the end of the world. There have been no sightings of the horses of the apocalypse, but just to be on the safe side I have left a bucket of oats near the curb.

Even at the DallasBasketball.com there have been reports of horror as many long-time members have been struck down in terror by the movement of the DB.com Boards to the new location hosted at Scout.com. It appears that thing that people fear most of all, with the exception of weird clowns coming out from under their bed in the middle of the night, is change. (Even if, once Fish gets all the buttons pushed, the only thing that will really change is that we will be provided a more reliable server and we will have to endure Fish's mask on TV.)

Happy Halloween, and remember to do what I do: check all the Reese's Peanut Butter cups, even the ones in other kids bags, even the ones you pass out, you cannot be too careful.

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1101am nov 1 2010

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