Certainly, I was more than a little unhappy that you did not bring me the few things that I asked for last year. Yes, I was upset I did not get the new Lamborghini, the million dollars in small unmarked bills, and the live badger that I requested. Imagine my surprise when I got up Christmas morning, ambled downstairs in my red-footed flannel pj's, all excited about finally getting what I really wanted, and finding that all I had was another bottle of after shave and tickets to the opera. "The opera, are you serious?" Still, I suppose the profanity-laced letter with the death threat directed toward Rudolph may have been a bit over-the-top. Certainly, calling you a red-bellied, smelly bastard of a Spurs' fan, was probably a little harsh, and I apologize for that Spurs fan remark, I felt badly about it even as I wrote it. I am also sorry that I said the elves needed to be boxed up and shipped back to Keebler along with horse they rode in on.
So, anyway, now that we have that little misunderstanding out of the way, there are just a couple of little things that I would like for this year. I have been really good this year, great actually, well pretty good anyway. I did not kill anyone, at least not anyone significant.
First of all, I want the Mavericks to win the championship this year. I realize that you might not have direct control of this, but I think if you would just leave some Ex-Lax in David Stern's chocolate reindeer, it might go a long way in helping out. You know, keep him too occupied to meddle.
I would really like you to make sure that Dirk get's everything he wants this year. A new pair of Lederhosen, some really good sausages and beer, and of course what every German really wants.
I want you to send some more of that spring water from the fountain of youth to Jason Kidd. So far it appears to be helping; he looks like a young kid of 30 this year instead of like Methuselah in his dotage, the way he did a few times last year.
For Tyson Chandler, a new long-term contract, so he will know how much you and I really appreciate him and the contributions he has made to the team, and you might want to get him one of those restaurant guide books so he can avoid food poisoning in the future.
I would like it very much if you could see to it that Roddy Beaubois gets some new protective footwear. The kind that is meant to be worn for a looooong time.
I have it on good authority that J.J. Barea wants a ring, a special ring, maybe you can help him find a ring, like the one Manu "Gollum" Ginobli has.
So, Santa, all I really want is a championship for the Mavericks, and all the Maverick fans. I don't think that is asking too much. That is all I want, but if you would throw in that suitcase full of money and the badger I would appreciate it. Also, I still need that life-size Dwayne Wade archery target and the bow and arrows. My son needs the merit badge.
Thanks Santa, and sorry again about last year and that little misunderstanding. I hope Mrs. Claus has gotten over the emotional scarring caused by the texts she received from Brett Favre.