'TNT: We Know Drama. But Not The Mavs' Donuts

I was up late last night. As you probably were. So maybe I'm a little grumpy this morning. And I've three bones ... well, Donuts ... um, BONE-nuts? ... to pick with TNT, regarding Dirk, Roddy B and that graphic you see at left …

DONUT 1: Yes, my head is still spinning from the TNT presentation of the Mavs-Suns game in which two of the major themes were a) Roddy B's lack of height and b) the effective way to stop Dirk Nowitzki, which is purportedly to guard him with a smaller player.

First things first: the legendary Marv Albert and his sidekick Steve Kerr were obviously dazzled by some of what Beaubois could do. But Kerr, on multiple occasions, seemed obsessed with Beaubois' alleged lack of stature.

"He's 5-10,'' reported Kerr.

Smile

Folks, I'm 6-1. I've been 6-1 for almost 40 years. (Yes, I was an impressively large lad.) And I've found myself standing next to Roddy B maybe, oh, 150 times.

I've got photographic evidence of this somewhere … let's see … yes, here it is.

Does it look like my 6-1 is towering over little tiny Rodrigue Beaubois' 5-10?

DONUT 2: My next gripe (again, not with Marv but with Kerr, who was actually a GM in this league a few short years ago) regards "How to Guard Dirk.''

Kerr, again on multiple occasions, instructed the national TV audience that the way to keep a lid on The UberMan is to assign a smaller defender to him.

We hear this a lot. But what we never hear is the long list of "smaller defenders'' who have actually had success capitalizing on this myth. We know about Capt. Jack and the Warriors in 2006-07. Dude … that was FOUR years ago … and it happened ONCE.

List me, please, somebody, the five "smaller defenders'' who can claim to have success guarding Dirk. Hell, list me the four. The three? Give me two names?

Give me one name, besides Jackson. … who did it once, a basketball lifetime ago.

DONUT 3: And finally, there is that graphic.

Let's take another look (thanks to DB.com Mavs Premium subscriber Paul D for the tip):

Smile

Really, TNT?


DONUT 4: SLAM magazine talks Roddy B with DallasBasketball.com. It's always fun for an old-timer like me to lecture the young people of SLAMerica.


P.S. I've got a patent pending on "SLAMerica.'' Don't try to steal that, you kids! And get outta my yard!


DONUT 5: I very much appreciate your support of DallasBasketball.com I'm proud of our relation with the team and with our audience. Proud of what we built together. And hope you'll have faith in me and The 75-Member Staff to provide you with Dallas Mavericks info, news, views, quips, tips and fun … that justifies 10 cents a day.

Thanks!

Fish

DONUT 6: My mother-in-law emailed me to inform me that the Westminster Whatever Dog Show was on this week.

Lovely woman. Still getting a feel for my likes and dislikes, I guess.

Because I wouldn't watch The Dog Show if my own dogs were entered in it.

DONUT 7: They apparently beat up O.J. Simpson out in "The Yard.'' As the story goes, Juice was bragging about the number of white women he's bedded. Some of the white fellows – maybe skinheads, maybe white supremacists, maybe just, you know, men who belong in prison – tired of his boasts.

And kicked and punched him until he blacked out.

O.J. is serving time for armed robbery (remember, him trying to get autographed stuff back?) in Nevada at a prison inappropriately named "Lovelock Correctional Center.''

"Lovelock''? It's as if a director of a porn movie and Charles Dickens teamed up to name a prison.

DONUT 8: Rick isn't usually given to hyperbole. So I think this is suitable for framing:

"Dirk is back.''

DONUT 9: My friends at McKinneyDentist.com do this every year, and it is a wonderful bit of support for the community. It's "Free Day of Dental Care'' for those in need. They kick it off Saturday at 7 a.m. and the terrific staff at mckinneydentist.com goes all day and into the night … They've offered this program for 15 years and they've helped thousands of people with whatever ails them.

"It's our version of a mission trip,'' says Dr. Marvin Berlin, "because what we have realized is that there is a need right in our own back yard.''

I've been to the event. Folks begin lining up the night before to take advantage of "Free Day of Dental Care.''

"As seems to always happen on these days, we'll get way more out of this than the patients,'' says Dr. B … and now you know one more reason why I endorse the work of McKinneyDentist.com.

DONUT 10: Believe what you will. It's your time and your dime. But there is ZERO logic behind the story that has Dallas now pulling completely out of various ‘Melo considerations because something (Roddy B/'Melo liking NY/Dallas' record) has changed.

Nothing has changed.

DONUT 11: "Kicked in the Gortats.'' When DeShawn accidently (?) struck Marcin right there last night, my Twitter in-box was flooded with "Kicked in the Gortats'' references.

Damnit.

"Kicked in the Gortats'' is so in-the-Mavs-vernacular … I can't believe I never made the t-shirt.

DONUT 12: Did the Star-Telegram write this with a straight face?

Smile

But unless someone is willing to trade an All-Star for a second-round pick, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban said he won't be stepping to the plate to do any deals. Cuban, in fact, said he believes he already has the players under contract to win the NBA title this season.

From Cuban's vantage point, all the Mavs need to do is brush up on a few things and they'll be marching in a parade in downtown Dallas in a little over four months.

I don't think that's an accurate presentation of … well, anything.

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