Donuts: Cuban, Phil, Borscht & Basketball

After all these years, the give-and-take between Cuban and Jackson sounds nothing like ‘hateful rivalry' and everything like the snippy exchanges between ancient spouses. Or maybe like a Borscht Belt comedy team trying to work its way from the Catskills to the ‘Sullivan' show. We've got a review of the latest vaudevillian performance from ‘Cuban & Phil,' plus more Mavs goodies, in Donuts:

DONUT 1: Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban got the act rolling on Saturday at the AAC as he reflected on the news that Lakers coach Phil Jackson plans to retire after this season.


"I told him, him and Jeanie (Buss, the Lakers exec, daughter of the owner and Phil's sweetie) can come over for popcorn and movies," Cuban said.


DONUT 2: "He's very good for the game," Jackson said of Cuban before the Lakers-Mavs game.

Why so flattering?

"I'm trying to be a friend of Mark's,'' Phil said, "because Charlie and I want to be on a show together."

Charlie? Charlie who?

Charlie Sheen,'' said Phil.


DONUT 3: Phil continued on the idea of Cuban working with Charlie Sheen on HDNet. Jackson said he would like to be also part of the show.

"I'd like to introduce the movies or something like that,'' Phil said. "I'm all about musicals."


DONUT 4: Mark, your thoughts on Phil joining Sheen?

"Two Men and a 7-footer!'' Cuban said. "Phil can be fun, you know. We'll just have Phil in a corner going, 'Winning!' Give him a quart of tiger blood and see what happens."


DONUT 5: And finally (mercifully, the hook is coming out), Phil on Cuban as a prospective baseball owner:

"He lost out on his bid with the Cubs … and I think he would have an impact in baseball like he does (on the Mavs) here (in Dallas)," Jackson said. "I think the owners in baseball are a little afraid of him though. They don't want him in there."

Afraid? Why?

"Well,'' Phil said, measuring his words for comedic timing, "he's a maverick.''

Take my owner and my coach … please.

DONUT 6: Lots of feedback on my note from Monday scoffing at Scottie Pippen's suggestion that in today's game, Michael Jordan would average 40 a game. I hand the keyboard to reader Gabriel:

"Fish, let's look at the 1986-87 season, Jordan's highest scoring season. He had 37.1 points per game on 2279 field goals. Last year Kevin Durant had 30 points per game on 1668 field goals (he made 794 of those). Now take Jordan from 86-87, take away hand-checking, take away centers camping in the lane for over three seconds, take away players being allowed to place both hands on you to deny the ball, and introduce a league that in general favors driving guards, and I don't think it's out of the realm of possibility for Jordan to average 40 by making a few more shots or getting a few more attempts.''

I'll give credit where it's due, and Gabriel (and other readers) offers a good argument. But "a few more shots'' is exactly the point. Using Gabriel's numbers, to get to 40 per game MJ would have to take almost 1,000 more shots than KD took last year. I'm not sure that'd be a realistic action – or a smart action.

DONUT 7: We've got a way for you to get 2 FREE tickets to the March 24 Mavs game (Mark Cuban Bobblehead Night!) PLUS two 'UBERMAN' shirts … all for the regular $37.99 price of the shirts! Order now (while the handful we have lasts) and you get the tickets and will personally hand you your UBERMAN shirts before the game!

With the help of Ryan at MavCowTickets, we're making this VERY simple … and here goes:

1. Email me right now at … tell me you want 2 Dallas Mavericks tickets and 2 UBERMAN shirts. You MUST give me your T-shirt size.


2. Via email, I'll provide you our PayPal info. Make your $37.99 payment there … once that's received, I'll email you back with pregame meeting plans outside of the AAC at Victory Plaza. We'll hand you your UBERMAN shirts, you'll have your tickets, we'll talk a little Mavs and get you all dressed up with somewhere to go: a Mavs game for two for just $37.99!!

It's 2 FREE Mavs tickets so this package is going to go fast as is ... the Mavs are gearing up for the playoffs and YOU can be part of the late-season push … and when supplies are out, that's all she wrote! Email me now and win!

DONUT 8: The government wants to help run the NFL. Given the overall effectiveness of each party, I'd prefer the NFL offer to help run the government.

DONUT 9: Hottest shirt in the Store?



It's Fish-tested, Dirk-approved! It's the one that caused Dirk to ask, "Hey, Fish, where can I get one?'' It's the 'TAKE THAT WIT CHEW!' from the Store!

DONUT 10: I saw ‘The Fighter' and I'm not used to such reality in a sports movie. I kept waiting for Clubber Lang, Teen Wolf and Rudy to tag-team their way into the ring when the ref wasn't looking.

DONUT 11: Mavs at Portland tonight, 9 p.m. start on TXA21 (so no TV for me). Also no Peja, who is staying home during the two-games-in-two-days West Coast swing to nurse his sore back and neck. No big deal for the 47-19 Mavs? Ah, one of the biggest coaching brains in Mavericks and NBA history disagrees, telling me that Peja's availability will be key if the Mavs hope to beat the Lakers in the postseason.

Working on details. Stay tuned.

DONUT 12: My wife says I never take her out to expensive places anymore. So last night we went to Texaco.

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