Monday Donuts: Is There Life Without Dirk?

Monday Morning Mavs Donuts and proof that There Is Life Without Dirk. Not that such a life is worth living, but still ...

DONUT 1: So the Mavs can win without Dirk scoring! I don't want this experiment to go on much longer, but ...

"That's a tribute to our defense that we win that game,'' The UberMan said of the 91-83 decision in Phoenix last night. "If you would have told me before that I'm 6-for-19, ‘Trix is 2-for-10, Jet is like 2-for-30 -- if you tell me that before the game that we'd still find a way to win then I wouldn't have believed it. Yeah, we won that game with our defense and it's good to know that we can still do that."


There truly is some good Dirk news here. He's healthy, his team is winning without him, and get this: Rick Carlisle has managed his minutes beautifully ... Dirk is at just 34.3 minutes per game, the fewest minutes he's registered outside of his rookie season. In fact, it's BY FAR his fewest minutes outside of those first two Bambi-on-Ice years here in Dallas.

The Dallas Mavericks can apparently win without The UberMan being The UberMan.

Good. It's proven. Now stop the experiment!

Meanwhile …

DONUT 2: I know we are all sad about New Orleans assassin David West's knee. Maybe when he meets his doctors, he can slap them on the face and shove them from behind. You know, just to feel comfy.

DONUT 3: We make this observation in Your All-Access Pass to the Mavs-Suns game, but I'll say it again here:

The Mavs have now gone five games without allowing 100. In three of the last four they've given up 73, 77 and here, 83. And in the last two? The Mavs have made the fourth quarters theirs: 16.5 points allowed, 32.4 FG percentage allowed, 10 turnovers forced.

ESPN's Jon Barry apparently collected all this data and watched the work of respected individual defenders like Chandler, Marion and Kidd and termed the Dallas defense a "gimmick defense.''

Gotta tell, you I didn't hear that comment for myself. Why? Because why listen to that ignoramus when I have Followill?

Indeed, when the Mavs are on a local telecast and ESPN, I don't know if my antenna even GETS ESPN.

DONUT 4: ‘Yes, please, please do tell me all about how great your bracket almost was!' is the most sarcastic sentence ever uttered.


DONUT 5: Marcin Gortat? Scored 12 in the first quarter and he ended with 20 points, and 15 rebounds.

Yes, the Mavs almost got Kicked In The Gortats. ©

But by finishing with 16 points, 18 rebounds, one steal, one block and a Mavs-high in free-throw attempts with nine, TY kicked back.

DONUT 6: Mark Cuban keeps tweeting about ‘Shark Tank' but because it's part of our MavsTwitterverse, it throws me off. I keep lookin for new Mavs players named 'Daymond,' 'Jonathan' and 'Barbara.'

DONUT 7: West is down. Rudy Gay is down. Brandon Roy is limping. Tim Duncan is out with an ankle problem (and SA has lost three straight).

Don't come crying to me, ladies. I got permanently-etched visions of Caron in a hospital gown, Chandler puking into a sideline bucket, Peja in mothballs, Marion living in a hyperbaric chamber, Roddy B in a boot, Dirk in a suit ...

Don't come crying to me. It's YOUR turn.


DONUT 8: Did you get your Mavs Quoteboard this morning? That, these Donuts and some orange juice and you're pretty much good for your morning.

DONUT 9: Now Mavs coach Rick Carlisle is doing his "Duh. Winning'' Charlie Sheen imitation. Next, your 82-year-old Granny will say it, and then it will be official: This whole sordid production will have ‘Jumped The Sheen.' ©

DONUT 10: How, you ask, do I get some free swag from

Happens all the time. Between , The Store and The Dallas Mavericks FISH Facebook Page and here, stay heads-up!


Oh, and stay in touch with us as we work towards a Playoff-Watching Get-Together at ThreeSheets! ... where we'll have even more Mavs swag!

DONUT 11: Glad to hear Mark Aguirre is OK after fainting and falling off a treadmill. We can assume that when he fell, it was just like the old days and he led with his butt.

DONUT 12: Maybe Dez Bryant was just going to NorthPark Mall to buy a belt? Did you ever think of that?

Dallas Mavericks products in The Store! The ‘TAKE THAT WIT CHEW!' shirt is hot!

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