Top 10: Mavs Movie Quote Donuts

Dear Diary: The NBA lockout continues, and so do my heart-felt visits with you. Today? As we're a cultured bunch here at, let's match some of my favorite movie lines with some of your favorite Mavs moments in this championship season: Movie Donuts!

PRE-DONUT: Like I say ... We're a cultured bunch here at Specifically in my case, I drink only the finest wines, speak in nine different languages, and can't remember the last time I ate anything without splashing some caviar on it. Between you and me, I blame my outlandish lifestyle on the astronomical paycheck Fish writes out for me every week, but I digress.

I'm also a fine connoisseur of film, which brings me to my point: This Mavs season had so many inspiring storylines that I couldn't help but compare some of those moments to a few memorable movie quotes in film history. Here, I'll recite a famous line from a movie, then explain how it applies to one of the many dramatic plots the Mavericks went through this year. Again, I'm quite the aficionado of refined, classic movies, so I apologize in advance if some of these are over your head.

DONUT 1: "So you're tellin' me there's a chance." –Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber.


Right after Mary Swanson tells him there's a one-in-a-million chance of a guy like him being with a girl like her.

Christmas uttered this doozy after his crush, Mary Swanson, gave him the long odds on the chances of her becoming his girlfriend. Most of us would take 1-in-1,000,000 odds as a bad sign, but not Lloyd. He saw the glass as half-full because of the fact that it's not 0-in-1,000,000.

Christmas' line reflects the Mavs' season when all seemed lost. In the first game after Christmas, oddly enough, Dirk Nowitzki tweaked his knee and then Caron Butler suffered his own knee injury that ended his season. All of this happened during a streak that saw the Mavs lose 10 of 14 games. Odds are extremely low that a team can play that terrible at any point during the regular season and still win the championship.

So you're tellin' me there's a chance.

DONUT 2: "How'd he finish? Dead last? Yeah, he had a good day, though." –Shooter McGavin, Happy Gilmore.

When Shooter is continuously questioned about Gilmore even though McGavin won the tournament.

After winning the Waterbury Open as an amateur, Happy Gilmore broke into the Pro Tour and made quite a splash. His play was most mostly style over substance, as he had amazing, long drives to get him on the green, but his short game was so terrible that he still finished last place in his first professional tournament. Antagonist Shooter McGavin won the tournament and was unimpressed with Gilmore's play. McGavin clearly valued winning over highlight plays. Dwyane Wade played incredibly well in the Finals, or through the first three games at least. At times, his flashy play even got the attention of the media despite the actual result on the court being in favor of the Mavericks. Though he didn't finish "dead last," he did lose despite his "good day." No one would've blamed Dirk for answering a question about Wade this way, but obviously, that's not Dirk's style.

DONUT 3: "Slap me five there, brotha!" –Mr. Pike.

"How bout I just slap ya?" –Kevin Franklin, Houseguest.


During their round of speed golf, Mr. Pike gets a little tipsy and tries to be friends with Franklin after everybody sees how cool and popular he is.

In this absolute classic by Sinbad, Kevin Franklin is a misunderstood guest who everyone seems to judge at first glance. He plays some golf with a few snobby club members and after they see what a fun guy he is, they try to suck up to him and get on his good side. Franklin wastes no time calling them out on it.

This scene could not more perfectly describe the relationship between the talking national media heads and Dirk. For the longest time Dirk was judged unfairly by what he supposedly couldn't do and opinions on him were just regurgitated from media guy to media guy because it was funny or popular. When things started to go Nowitzki's way this spring, it was high comedy to point out all of the personalities who flip flopped on their opinion of Dirk because he had "changed his game" or "started playing in the post more." Obviously, as Mavs fans you know, none of that was true as dirk simply stayed true to himself and played with the same quality he always has. The only difference between Dirk and Kevin

Franklin was that Dirk didn't call them out like Franklin did. Again, it's not his style, even though he certainly was within his right to do so. And who would've been opposed to Dirk slapping the hell out of Jon Barry? Although just like Kevin Franklin, Dirk Nowitzki in the house!

DONUT 4: "I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defense." – Joey, Airplane. After little Joey recognizes Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in the cockpit of the airplane.


Little Joey is allowed to visit the cockpit because of his love for airplanes. He quickly recognized Kareem Abdul-Jabbar who is trying to disguise himself as airline pilot Captain Roger Murdock.

When it comes to the Mavs, this scene represents what they no longer are. The reputation began to dissolve when Avery Johnson took hold of the franchise, but for the longest time the Mavs were an exciting team to watch that couldn't seem to win it all because of their lack of defense prowess. They even were called the Allas Mavericks for a while (no D in Dallas).

Even as their defense improved, they couldn't shake that label and experts always seemed to lean on that as a crutch for their failures. The soft label was forgotten forever this year with the signing of Tyson Chandler. He issued the defensive challenge to all of his teammates and eventually they did work hard enough on defense.

DONUT 5: "You want me on that wall. You need me on that wall." –Colonel Jessep, A Few Good Men.


After Jack Nicholson's method of leadership is repeatedly questioned by Tom Cruise's character, Lt. Daniel Kaffee.

Kaffee is the lead prosecutor in a case that sees Jessep as the defendant and both sides feel they are right. Kaffee is arguing for the written law, while Jessep technically broke a law, but did it for the good of the big picture. Jessep's tactics were clearly unconventional, but his judgment keeps the country safe every night, gets results, and ultimately gains the respect of his troops.

Nothing Mark Cuban's ever done have been considered conventional, especially concerning the ownership of the Mavericks. Fans of rival teams love to claim their disdain for Cuban, but here's their dirty little secret: They would all love to have him as their owner. He gives his players what they want, he hires the best, and gives the fans an unmatched entertainment experience. In short, he's everything you want in an owner. Opposing fans just don't like the fact that he's so outspoken. That's too bad because it's not going to change any time soon. Now that he's fielded a champion, his methods can't be questioned. All things considered, the league is a better place with him in it and the franchise he owns is at the top of the mountain with him leading the way. Face it NBA, you need him and you're lucky to have him.

Just ask the MLB and the Dodgers.

DONUT 6: (K-Bro sidebar: You like football? You like blond or brunette girls? You like seeing blond and brunette girls playing each other in football? Sure you do. Please come out and join me for the 4th annual Blondes v Brunettes game/Alzheimer's fundraiser!

Every year, through stories from my friends, co-workers, and families, it's clear that it becomes more and more important to continue to raise money to help the families of Alzheimer's patients right here in North Texas.

A ticket is $25 and will get you entrance to the game and the after-party at Bryan Street Tavern. This year the game will be played at SMU's Ford Stadium on August 6th, kickoff will be at 7:30pm. The after-party will provide donated pizza and drinks for all ticket holders. All of this and not to mention, raising money for Alzheimer's.

If you can't join on game day, please donate any amount to help reach the BVB goal of $215,000 by August 6th. This stays in North Texas, helps families meet financial needs, assists the Alzheimer's Association bilingual help line, and funds research.


Donate $5, $10, $25, or whatever amount is in your heart, on the donation page before August 6th. Check out BVB website, too. Thanks, DB.commers!)

DONUT 7: "Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion." –Jeremy Grey, Wedding Crashers.

After arguing over their rules of crashing weddings, Vince Vaughn ends the conversation by referencing the "no whining" rule.

Throughout Wedding Crashers, Vaughn and Owen Wilson's characters crash weddings in order to sleep with women, all while following their carefully crafted rulebook. Basically, no matter what, Rule #76 trumps everything.

Mark Cuban must have got a hand of the rule book because he followed Rule #76 perfectly throughout the playoffs. Before this championship run, Cuban had the well-earned reputation around the league as one of the louder owners in between playoff games when something didn't go his team's way. This year, he ditched that excuse-making persona and his team became a champion.


DONUT 8: "How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing." –Ron Burgundy, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Directed at his dog dog, Baxter.

After Ron gets home from another night of womanizing, he goes through his patented routine of talking things over with Baxter, his dog. After giving some advice to Ron, Baxter then reveals to Ron that he "pooped in the refrigerator and ate a whole wheel of cheese." Ron is shocked, but not upset due to the fact that a dog doing anything like that is truly amazing.

Let there be no mistake about it; Brandon Roy's 2010-11 season was an awful, injury plagued season. He wasn't good in an aspect of the game basically all year. In short, he himself played like a dog…except for one game in the playoffs. You may recall that his one great game was against the Mavericks during Game 4 of the first round of the playoffs, when he dropped 18 points in the 4th quarter alone, on the way to a 24 point night and a Portland win that temporarily sidetracked Dallas' championship hopes.

Sure, at the time I was mad. Really mad actually. But now, in hindsight, I'm not even mad, Brandon.

DONUT 9: "Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a sh*t?" –Happy Gilmore, Happy Gilmore. To Chubbs Peterson.


When former golf pro Chubbs Peterson sees Happy Gilmore's ability to drive the ball off the tee, he has to do a little convincing in order to pull Gilmore from his favorite sport of hockey. Chubbs even tries to convince him that he could take home the fictional green jacket that comes with a win at the Tour Championship. Gilmore, who doesn't care, responds accordingly.

This one goes out to Shawn Marion, the resident fashion expert (if you want to call him that) of the Mavericks. To the man who tweeted his game day get-up every night and didn't hesitate to share with us what kind of socks he was wearing: Shawn insisted on wearing whatever he wanted despite any opinions we may have had. Because he clearly didn't give a sh*t.


DONUT 10: "I know you had an awesome time. I think the entire town knows you had an awesome time." –Bernard Campbell, Old School. To Frank after his eventful night.

Vince Vaughn makes another appearance on the list, this time as Beanie from Old School when he tells this to Frank. Frank's night started with one beer and ended with him getting picked up by his wife after streaking through town. He didn't get brought in for streaking through town, but DeShawn Stevenson definitely had an awesome time celebrating his championship. The whole town knew he had an awesome time as well when his picture showed up in the news the day after being taken to jail for public intoxication. (If you're a regular podcast listener, you're well aware of our full and homerish defense of Stevenson's actions.)

No worries, DeShawn got out in time to make it to his championship parade.

DONUT 11: (One more sider: If you are a Premium Mavs Fan, you can win Swag! Want your 'YES. WE. CAN' Mavs championship shirt from the Store? Post in this thread WHY you want this shirt. Misty Mav will pick a clever winner on Friday and you will be dressed like a champion!

DONUT 12: "Win the crowd and you will win your freedom." –Proximo, Gladiator.


As he is giving advice to Russell Crowe's imprisoned character, Maximus Decimus Meridius.

When Maximus was double crossed and forced to fight as a gladiator to entertain the Roman Empire, the opinion of the Emperor was already set in stone no matter his actions. However, the opinion of the people was up for grabs and with positive public perception, the Emperor could not have him killed because of what it would do to his own perception in the eyes of his people.

This one is for Dirk Nowitzki. Many of the "experts" seemed so sure of what Dirk was capable of and had him pegged as something that he clearly proved he was not. As these playoffs proceeded, Dirk's dominance and incredible story of persistence gripped the nation and fans of the NBA. With that unbelievable outpouring of support for Nowitzki, the hand of the national opinion was forced to admit fault.

Dirk was never going to be a prisoner to anyone's opinion of him, but to the delight of his diehard fans, it's great to know that he is free from the chains of so many unfair labels.

With so many movie lines and so many moments from an incredible season, I'm positive I missed out on a few. (Want to add your own? Join this Boards thread!)

Thanks for listening, Dear Diary.


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