Wednesday Morning Mavs Donuts
DONUT 1: I'm not much of a tattoo guy, though I get that you might be. And a tattoo on my butt? I don't understand that for you or for me. A tattoo of Dirk's face on your butt? And the artist and client aren't even smart enough to steal The UberMan image so the tat actually looks like Dirk?
No. I don't understand.
DONUT 2: The Oklahoman reports that Kevin Durant's movie debut is about a star who "loses all his talent and mysteriously morphs from an NBA scoring champ into having the skills of a teenage scrub who's so bad he can't make his high school squad. ... Durant is only acting out that transformation in his upcoming release 'Switch,' a family friendly film in which Durant will play himself and an unsuspecting kid (Disney star Taylor Gray) receives Durant's skills and becomes ‘The Man' at his high school.''
So ... it's "Space Jam'' meets "Big'' meets "Prelude To A Kiss'' meets "All Of Me'' meets "The Hot Chick'' meets "Freaky Friday'' meets "17 Again'' meets "13 Going on 30'' meets "The Change-Up'' meets "Like Mike.''
I love the new ideas brewing in Today's Hollywood!
DONUT 3: Did we create a way for you to dress like a champion! YES. WE. DID.
DONUT 4: Caron Butler participated in that Florida All-Star Game, and it's good to see him ...
DONUT 5: But it's not quite as good to hear from him.
In this visit with my brothers at Fox Sports, Tuff Juice mentions his desire to play again either for the Mavs ... or the Heat.
I don't care to overreact to this. Caron is positioned here somewhere between "politeness'' and "honesty.'' And the reality of the situation begs for a DB.com analysis, not only regarding the dollars and sense of Caron coming back here, but also the dollars and sense of Caron (a close friend of Wade and a former Heat) going back there.
We're on it.
DONUT 6: Come join us on Twitter! It's good, clean American fun!
DONUT 7: Thanks to McKinneyDentist.com for their support of DB.com and the Mavs ... and their personal attention when it comes to the care of my family. Folks, check 'em out. They are the finest dentists in Collin County ... and quite possibly the world.
DONUT 8: ESPN now officially sets straight a report that Dirk Nowitzki has a "secret deal'' to play for Real Madrid. Said Dirk: "I haven't talked to anybody yet. I'm still hoping that we can get a deal done soon."
I stand by my long-stated position that while Dirk publicly suggests he's "too old'' to go too long without playing, he truly has no great desire to serve as an overseas basketball mercenary. He's a German guy and he's a Maverick guy and he's a Dallas guy.
The UberMan playing in Spain? Why, to stay in shape?
DONUT 9: Out on the mean streets of New York, two cameramen on Lockout Watch decide to square off ...
Make fun of these two little fellows if you will, but if you are a person of my vintage -- as opposed to somebody whose vision of street fights come from movies and video games -- you know that this is the way 99 percent of these sort of confrontations usually go down.
Step 1: They circle each other. Step 2: Somebody slaps. Step 3: The other one kicks. Step 4: They are both so exhausted after three minutes of circling each other than they walk away, tails 'tween their legs.
DONUT 10: We welcome to DallasBasketball.com a new partner, Classic of Carrollton. What do they think of the Mavs' title? It causes GM Bucky Davis and the guys to Relax and Enjoy The Difference! At the bottom of Donuts, see the Classic box and click away … and when you are ready to go car-shopping without the high-pressure approach, call Bucky at (972) 242-4000 and tell him The Fish sent you!
DONUT 11: I'm very much connected, technologically-speaking, with what might happen on this key week in NBA negotiation history. I have my Dallas Mavericks contacts and my league whisperers and there's Twitter and Facebook and everything else. I'm keep myself posted and DB.com will keep you posted.
But by God I took my son and his friends to the State Fair. I swallowed one Corny Dog and one Fried Snickers and so far they are engaging one another better than Stern and Hunter have.
DONUT 12: It was with great trepidation that I accepted Rick Carlisle's invite last week to participate in the Mavs Fantasy Camp. Reasons? I was probably the second oldest guy out there ... I don't hoop on a regular basis anymore, and even when I did, 10 and 20 and 30 years ago, I wasn't any good ... Oh, and I had the wrong shoes.
Assistant coach Darrell Armstrong noticed that and loaned me his. But I still had plenty of excuses.
So many parts of the day make the experience worth it, even though a full six days my thighs are so sore I cannot lift myself from a chair. One unexpected treat: A fellow camper comes up to me and says, "Fish! I want to thank you. About 15 years on the radio, you said:
'I concern myself with things I can control. Everything else, I make fun of.''
"Fish,'' the guy said, "that oughta be on a bumper sticker. It's really my whole world-view now.''
Yeah, I don't know that it's all that profound. Heck, I don't even remember saying it. But it does sound like something I would've said on the radio 15 years ago, and it is so harshly snarky that it serves as a reminder that maybe over the years I've mellowed. Maybe a little.