'God is Great, Beer is Good, Fans Are Crazy'

Ya know Billy Currington's song, 'God is Great, Beer is Good, People Are Crazy'? It coulda been written for sports fans specifically. Quite frankly, the typical sports fan is, in fact, crazy - and of course recent Mavs roster events help make us so.

The Dallas Mavericks will practice at 11 am on Monday. The 75-Member Staff of DallasBasketball.com will enter the gym upon media availability at 1 p.m. At or before that time, we will have some answers on the motley crew of now-you-see-'em-now-you-don't Mavs like Delonte, Curry, Ely and CDR. (Here's the roster as it presently stands, with some of Fish's thoughts on it.)

"We'll decide (Monday)," Mavericks coach Rick Carlisle said after Sunday's workout. "I think we inch closer every day, but there's still things we're considering and we're going to take our time."

In the meantime, we do what we do. We whine about every player all season: "Jason Terry sucks" or "Jason Kidd is so old he knew Dr. Naismith personally."

And yet, in an off-season where both Jasons were allowed to depart from the team, the prevailing view of the typical Mavs fan reflects the previously mentioned craziness: "How are we going to replace Jason Terry?" and, "So what if Jason Terry is old, he still was a heck of a point guard in spite of the cane, now all we have are young whippersnappers." Obviously, brain-addledness is the only possible explanation.

Meanwhile the Mavericks continue to do what the great Jimmy Johnson once called "churning the bottom of the roster." They are in the process of "divorcing Delonte,'' essentially for giving Rick Carlisle a sick headache. A rumor I recently started suggested that Delonte had problems related to seeing imaginary elves in the locker room after games and trying to shoot them with a Klingon phaser which apparently caused some disruption in the showers.

The Mavericks have also been looking for a presence inside, someone with the size to guard the rim. Unfortunately just before the contract was signed, Big Tex burned up, and the Mavs inked Eddie Curry instead.

"He has worked extremely hard this offseason and can provide our front line with much needed depth," GM Donnie Nelson said of Curry before adding he is only slightly less mobile than Big Tex would have been.

With the season beginning Tuesday against the hated Lakers, the Mavericks could certainly use help from some of the new arrivals such as Darren "Dudley" Collison, Elton "Name" Brand, and O.J. "Pass the" Mayo. There are of course several questions that must still be answered. How long will it take the new team to gel? Do the Mavs have enough to keep up with the Harden-less Thunder and the Dwight-fortified Lakers in the West?

And, do we really need to worry about the season when the Mayans predicted the world will end on December 21?

I would like to say that there is no truth to the rumor that Tim Duncan is behind the end of the world conspiracy. I would also like to say that "God is Great, Beer is Good, Mavs Fans Are Crazy'' ... and that no cure is on the horizon.

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