Favre's Retirement a Texter's Delight

Brett Favre, a longtime rival of the Chicago Bears, retired Wednesday. Yes, again. This time for good. At least we think so. Check back Friday. However, instead of another tearful press conference, Favre just text-messaged the NFL. Well, the NFL – and a few others – text-messaged back.

Don't do this. We'll never fill the air time during Texans-Bills in Week 14. Al Michaels and I can't even look at each other anymore. Who am I going to compare Jay Cutler to now every time he completes a 12-yard curl? You complete me. – John Madden

Good riddance. Kellen Clemens should have taken over for you anyway. Why were you throwing picks when I was having a career year? I was rejuvenated when I finally left Arizona. Perhaps you should have stayed put in Green Bay. – Thomas Jones

Stop calling. We like what we have with Tarvaris Jackson and Gus Frerotte. At least they got us to the playoffs last year. Remember watching us while at home with the rest of your Jets teammates? We're good right now, thanks. – Brad Childress

Can we be friends again? It's not my fault Green Bay got tired of you holding them hostage. An ice age went by between me being drafted and starting. It's not so hard with Donald Driver and Greg Jennings. Craig Nall can do this. – Aaron Rodgers

I don't have to worry about you giving away my sack record now. Still owe you for that one. Want to join me on the FOX panel? We've got room for one more. Get between me and Jimmy Johnson because his hair spray makes me sick. – Michael Strahan

Favre led the NFL with 22 interceptions this past season. (Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images)

You're retiring now? I'm still going strong. I've got a fight next month with a kangaroo deep in the Australian outback being tape-delayed on Spike. Guess you're not behind on your mortgage. The Winnipeg Blue Bombers need a QB. – Evander Holyfield

Just in case you have forgotten, I've won just as many Super Bowls as you have. And so has Doug Williams. And Jeff Hostetler. And Mark Rypien. And Brad Johnson. Here's another little nugget for you: None of us ever lost one either. – Trent Dilfer

No, we're in good shape. I realize we're coming off the first ever 0-16 campaign. We can take Matthew Stafford or Mark Sanchez at No. 1. Dan Orlovsky has a better feel for the end zone now. Even Jon Kitna is younger than you. – Jim Schwartz

Does that mean I can finally be you? Everybody thought I was going to be the next Favre. I think I've done pretty well thus far. Lots of TDs and lots of INTs. It's too bad I wasn't healthy enough or good enough to put up a streak like that. – Rex Grossman

Didn't you promise Mike Tannenbaum you'd play at least two years in the Big Apple? So much for that. Were you getting paid by the interception? I actually feel bad for Eric Mangini. What am I going to do with this No. 4 jersey I bought? – Jets fans

John Crist is the Publisher of Bear Report and a member of the Professional Football Writers of America. To read him every day, visit BearReport.com and become a Chicago Bears insider.

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