BuffaMania: A Bills Spin on WrestleMania 31

WrestleMania 31 will take place this Sunday. To get ready for the card, Ryan Talbot put his own Bills spin on the card. Give it a read, Bills fans. Unlike the WWE Network, this doesn't cost $9.99. It's free!

This Sunday, WrestleMania 31 will take place from Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara, California. WrestleMania is World Wrestling Entertainment’s version of the Super Bowl. The card itself could sink or swim this year as some feuds haven’t been built up properly (I’m looking at you Lesnar/Reigns) and others involve guys who really don’t wrestle on a regular basis anymore (Undertaker, Sting, Triple H). Growing up a Hulkamaniac, I still tend to watch wrestling on a semi-regular basis.

Recently, when looking over the card, I tried to make each match Buffalo Bills-centric. Some matches worked out really well, while others are admittedly a bit of a reach. If you don’t watch wrestling, I’ll briefly explain the actual matches and feuds and then provide my Bills spin on the matches. Sit back and enjoy BuffaMania 31, the granddaddy of them all.

The Main Event

Brock Lesnar (c) v. Roman Reigns

This matchup is for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. It puts former UFC Heavyweight Champion and current WWE champ Brock Lesnar against Roman Reigns. There truly hasn’t been much of a feud here. Lesnar, who just re-signed for three more years with the WWE, works limited dates. His mouthpiece and manager, Paul Heyman, has done a nice job of promoting the match but there’s only so much he can do. Across from Lesnar is Roman Reigns. The former muscle of “The Shield” won the 2015 Royal Rumble, but many fans don’t feel that Reigns is ready to headline the main event of the biggest card in the WWE. Leading up to the main event, Reigns has been receiving plenty of boos from the crowd.

Lesnar is a household name and the current face of the WWE. Reigns has the potential to be the face of the WWE but it may be too soon for him.

BuffaMania Main Event:

Mario Williams (c) v. LeSean McCoy

Williams is the current face of the Bills. For that reason, he’s the team’s current champion. Much like Lesnar, Mario Williams is also a household name. Williams has an intimidating presence and doesn’t have to talk much to get his point across. He’s the perfect Lesnar.

Across from Super Mario is LeSean McCoy. Why McCoy? He’s new to the team and while he’s a star, he’s probably not yet ready to be the face of the Bills. He needs at least one season to really establish himself in Buffalo before Bills fans accept him.

Outcome: Williams retains the title but has to be careful that the future of the Bills, Sammy Watkins, doesn’t cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase (more to come on that later).

U.S. Title Match

John Cena v. Rusev (c)

John Cena has been with the WWE since 2002. He’s been the heart and soul of the WWE for quite a long time and although he gets a split reaction from the crowd, Cena sells a ton of merchandise. In his current feud with Rusev, Cena is being portrayed as a guy who may be on the downside of his career.

Rusev on the other hand has been a one-man wrecking crew since joining the WWE. The current United States champion has yet to be pinned or submitted in the WWE. He’s a dominant and powerful wrestler.

BuffaMania U.S. Title Match

Fred Jackson v. Marcell Dareus (c)

Fred Jackson has been the heart and soul of the Bills offense. Jackson joined Buffalo in 2006 and took on a bigger role starting in 2008. Now, Jackson is reaching the end of his NFL career. The running back still sells his fair share of jerseys, but he’s starting to get his detractors. This offseason, it was rumored that Jackson could be released by the Bills. Some fans applauded the move. Simply put, you can’t let personal feelings get in the way of what’s best for business. Others were up in arms about the rumor and started a Facebook group in favor of keeping the back. There is a bit of a split crowd when it comes to Jackson, but he’s still the heart and soul of the offense.

Marcell Dareus, Buffalo’s top pick in the 2011 draft, has come on in the last two seasons as one of the best defensive tackles in the NFL. He’s a big man, but he’s extremely agile, much like Rusev. Dareus is one of the cornerstones of the Bills and fans haven’t even seen Dareus enter his prime yet. It’s scary how good Dareus can become in Buffalo.

This match doesn’t have the USA v. Russia angle that the Cena/Rusev match provides, but it goes along with the veteran v. dominant young force angle.

Outcome: Jackson wins and shows that he still has something left in the tank

Special Attraction

Triple H v. Sting

Triple H hasn’t retired as a wrestler, but he’s now on the business side of things in the WWE. He’s going to make a grand entrance and there’s no doubt that he’ll put on a good show. Sting will be making his first wrestling appearance in the WWE. He was with the WWE’s rival promotion, WCW, for most of his career. Once the face of a former rival, Sting is now a part of the WWE.

BuffaMania Special Attraction

Doug Whaley v. Rex Ryan

Whaley doesn’t have a professional career in the NFL like Triple H does in the WWE, but as general manager, he handles a lot of things on the business side of the Bills. He’s made quite an impression this offseason by acquiring and signing players like McCoy, Percy Harvin, Charles Clay and others.

Rex Ryan was once the face of the New York Jets, a rival of the Bills. No one would have ever predicted that he’d join the Bills, but here we are.

Why are the two fighting? Bryce Brown. Ryan recently called him “the fast dude” and added that he wouldn’t “learn his name until he holds on to the football.” Whaley wants Ryan and his staff to give Brown a “clean slate.” This matchup wouldn’t be pretty, but Triple H and Sting may not be the greatest exhibition either.

Outcome: Ryan wins via Stampede Death Drop

Special Attraction

Undertaker v. Bray Wyatt

The Undertaker is the longest tenured wrestler on the WWE roster. Now, he only appears once per year but he’s a legend in the WWE. His career is coming to an end sooner rather than later, but he’s a first ballot Hall of Famer.

Bray Wyatt comes from a family of wrestlers and plays an insane human being better than just about anyone. He does a lot of talking but no one really understands what he’s saying.

This match will be a slugfest.

BuffaMania Version of Undertaker/Wyatt

Kyle Williams v. Richie Incognito

Williams won’t be a Hall of Famer, but he’ll be a first ballot Wall of Famer. Williams is entering his 10th season in the NFL, all with Buffalo. Much like the Undertaker and the WWE, Williams is the longest tenured player on the Bills.

Incognito playing the role of someone who is somewhat insane? Something tells me that he can pull this off. This matchup would also be a slugfest.

Outcome: Williams wins via pinfall

The Future Versus the Viper

Seth Rollins v. Randy Orton

Rollins is “the future” of the WWE. He’s the current holder of the Money in the Bank briefcase, guaranteeing him a championship match at any time. Rollins is extremely athletic and agile. He can pull off moves that leave you amazed.

Randy Orton is known as “the Viper.” He has a short fuse and is known for going a bit over the edge at times.

BuffaMania Version of Rollins/Orton

Sammy Watkins v. Robert Woods

Watkins is the future of the Bills and is simply waiting for the right moment to “cash in” and become the champion and face of the Bills. Much like Rollins, Watkins can make plays that leave you amazed.

Woods doesn’t have the track record of Orton, but he certainly has the temper. In his short career, he was ejected from a game in his rookie season for throwing a punch at Reshad Jones. In 2014, Woods got into Darrelle Revis’ face during a Bills/Patriots matchup. Woods is playing the role of a guy who wants to prove that he’s the better man.

Outcome: Watkins wins with help from J & J Security (Jerome Felton and Jeff Tuel)

 Intercontinental Championship Match

Wade Barrett (c) v. Dean Ambrose v. Daniel Bryan v. Dolph Ziggler v. R-Truth v. Luke Harper v. Stardust

This match pits seven wrestlers who all bring something to the table. Barrett, the champion, is underrated. He goes by the name “Bad News” and will look to shut down his competitors. Dean Ambrose is known as the “lunatic fringe” for his brawling style and temper. Daniel Bryan is an outstanding technical wrestler who is very popular with the crowd. Dolph Ziggler may be the best wrestler on the roster and always puts on a show. R-Truth hasn’t been used much in the last few months but he can still go in the ring. Luke Harper is a brawler who looks a bit like a homeless man and Stardust is an athletic wrestler who used to go by the name Cody Rhodes.

BuffaMania Intercontinental Championship:

Stephon Gilmore (c) v. Percy Harvin v. Eric Wood v. Jerry Hughes v. Manny Lawson v. Dan Carpenter v. Boobie Dixon

Gilmore enters as the champion and will look to lock down his opposition. Harvin as Ambrose makes plenty of sense. The wide receiver is known for having a bit of a temper and has created some issues in the locker room in the past. Eric Wood is one of the most popular members of the Bills so he makes sense in the Bryan role. Hughes is just entering his prime and is coming off of back-to-back 10 sack seasons. He puts on a show and flusters offensive tackles, much like Ziggler puts on a show against just about anyone. Carpenter is far from a large brawler, but he certainly looks the most like a homeless man on the roster. Last, Boobie Dixon is Stardust. He used to be known as Anthony Dixon but he now wants to be known as “Boobie.”

Outcome: Gilmore retains by intercepting the title from Harvin at the last possible second

Tag Team Championship Match

Tyson Kidd/Cesaro (c) v. New Day v. Los Matadores v. The Usos

Kidd and Cesaro, the current champs, are two individuals who are better together. They’re a good mix of strength, speed and athleticism. The New Day are highly optimistic guys who are looking for an opportunity. Los Matadores are kind of lost in the shuffle, but they bring a fast-paced style to the ring and the Usos are two brothers who are looking to regain the tag titles.

BuffaMania Version of the Tag Title Match

Nigel Bradham/Preston Brown v. EJ Manuel/Bryce Brown v. Marquise Goodwin/Tyrod Taylor  v. Duke Williams/Aaron Williams

In 2014, Bradham and Brown formed quite the duo at linebacker. Their styles mesh well together and they are an exciting duo to watch. For that reason, the linebackers play the current champions in Kidd and Cesaro. As for the New Day, EJ Manuel and Bryce Brown are a duo who are simply looking for an opportunity in 2015. They’ll flash some promise during the match but aren’t likely to come out on top. Marquise Goodwin and Tyrod Taylor are two of the fastest players on the Bills. Their style will excite but they’re long shots here. Last, the Bills don’t have any brothers on their roster but they have a plethora of players named Williams. Duke and Aaron, likely the starting duo at safety in 2015, make up Buffalo’s version of the Uso brothers. Out of the contenders, they’re the most likely to defeat the champions.

Outcome: Bradham and Brown retain via pinfall

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

This match pretty much involves the rest of the wrestlers on the roster. There are a few people who could win here, including a surprise entrant like Sheamus.

BuffaMania Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Much like the actual battle royal, look for a surprise entrant to win. As a last minute entry, Brandon Spikes re-signs with the Bills and is victorious, last eliminating Matt Cassel with the “PoWwWwWerbomb.”

There you have it, Bills fans. Think you can put together a better BuffaMania card? Share it in the forum!


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