What wouldn't Bills give for Doug Flutie now?

I CAN'T BELIEVE how stupid the Bills were for not keeping Doug Flutie over Rob Johnson in the off-season. Look at how Flutie began the season: 2-0 as a starter for San Diego, with wins over the Redskins and Cowboys, who've won four of the last 10 Super Bowls.

Meanwhile, Johnson and the Bills – they lost to the Saints and Colts, who stink because neither team has won a Super Bowl since 1971! Heck, the Colts really, really stink because they haven't won a playoff game in five seasons. And the Saints really, really, really stink because they only have one playoff win in 34 NFL seasons.

But Doug Flutie is awesome. All Doug Flutie does is win. All Doug Flutie does is make plays. All Doug Flutie does is beat the same teams those powerful Bills teams of the early ‘90s lost to in three Super Bowls. You know, I bet if Doug Flutie were the Bills' quarterback back then, they would have won all of those games. After all, he dissected America's Team for a 32-21 win – in Texas Stadium, no less. Jim Kelly never had that much success against the Cowboys during his entire career.

SOME ATHLETES just constantly find themselves victorious. In fact, they define victory. Doug Flutie has the same aura, mystique, charisma associated with people such as Muhammad Ali, Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, John Elway, Wayne Gretzky and Lance Armstrong. Doug Flutie is a winner. All Doug Flutie does is prevail.

Doug Flutie teaches us about ourselves. If Doug Flutie faces a stiff rush from the edges or even up the middle, he sidesteps around that adversity, finds a place of solace on the field, collects his thoughts and makes things happen.

We could all learn from an athlete with the ability to turn negatives into positives, someone like Doug Flutie. One time I remember being really down in the dumps. Then I thought of Doug Flutie, and I became as happy as a dandelion. One time I remember questioning whether I could accomplish something; then I thought of Doug Flutie, and now I have a brand new toilet in my bathroom that flushes really well – all because of what Doug Flutie taught me about dedication and the will to achieve.

Before, I never dreamed that I'd have the knack for installing a toilet, or even taking the old toilet out. I doubted myself – like a kid going on the school bus for the first time, his parents behind him, urging him on, but the kid clearly not wanting to go on that bus because he was nervous about that great big journey into the unknown world. Yes, I was that kid. If only Doug Flutie had been playing in the NFL in 1977, I would have been a lot more confident about getting on that bus. Kids used to yell at me, call me names, push me out of my seat, eat my lunch, laugh and point and – I needed Doug Flutie – where was Doug Flutie to teach me about my life?

OK, OK, SO YOU may be thinking this is a tad sarcastic. I'm sorry if it comes off that way, but believe me, that's not my intention here. All I know is that if there were 11 players vs. 10 players on a football field and Doug Flutie was one of the 10, then the 10-player team would win. Doug Flutie just has that kind of commanding presence – that indefatigable spirit to power on, through his intensity, drive and resolve.

In fact, if the 10-player team lost three more players to injury and couldn't replace them, but Doug Flutie was not among those injured, I believe that team, now with just seven players, would win just because Doug Flutie would at least be able to dodge the four, if not five, extra rushers coming after him. I say five because a team with an 11-on-7 advantage would likely blitz five guys, along with the four-man line. That would leave two defensive backs in coverage on one wide receiver. Doug Flutie would dodge the traffic and run for a touchdown, or throw the ball up and let his receiver make a play for a touchdown. Either way, that's an extremely easy score for a player of Doug Flutie's caliber – although, of course, there are no players of his caliber, except for Doug Flutie himself.

WHEN DOUG FLUTIE'S football career is over – and let's face it, Doug Flutie is one of the rare breed of athlete who has a good 20 to 25 years left, during which he'll undoubtedly win a warehouse full of Vince Lombardi trophies for the Chargers, while winning at least 15 trips to Disney World for himself after being named Super Bowl MVP – Doug Flutie probably will take some time to iron out a peace agreement between Israel and the Palestinians. He'll probably run the Fed too, while doubling as the President of the United States and being his own Secret Service.

Doug Flutie is awesome.

Mike Doser stays up nights thinking of this stuff.


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