Humpty and D Take Center Ring at Big Top vs. Rams

<B>Where to begin…: </B> <P> If I'm not mistaken, it's Bring-Your-Own-Paper Bag day at the Ralph on Sunday!

Circus music should replace all current stadium selections. Commander Tom should put on a ringmaster's hat and make a brief appearance announcing what will be going on in the center ring and two sideshow rings. The coaches should make their entrance in a Volkswagen Beetle with all of them, however many of them there are, stuffed into it coming out shortly before the team takes the field. The stadium's first contest on the big board will be to count the number of clowns…., er a…, coaches to emerge from the Beetle. Humpty should put on a red nose. After the introductions, that's when the entertainment typically ends with the exception of the halftime show.

Word has it that the halftime show is an off-Broadway production of Humpty Dumpty Meets the Nutcracker in a pre-holiday metaphaphorical extravaganza.

Note to Stadium Concessions: Stock a large supply of Visine and Aspirin! Perhaps stock a batch of gauze pads, cotton balls, and tape for fans' eyes!

The Bills are bad team being led by now apparent equally bad coaching. They said it couldn't get any worse! Shame on the fans for listening to that and believing it. Shame on Commander Tom for bringing it about. Of course the word "shame" does not appear to be in the good Commander's dictionary as new heights are reached every week in condescension via the weekly Q&A. Apparently he believes that those purchasing tickets to his charade know little about football and have IQs rivaling that of a turnstile.

I mean is there any reasoning person left on earth with a knowledge and awareness of football that truly believes that Humpty is even capable of winning a game apart from the other aspects of the team carrying him, let alone from "being the best option" among others for actually contributing to such a win??? What on earth does this say about our backups? That they are not alive! I truly believe that the chances would be better with Rob Johnson. As well, what does it say about our coaching?

In addition to their losing ways, watching the Bills is utterly unentertaining leaving fans at home watching this bunk on TV running for their bathrooms throughout the game to reach for gauze pads for their eyes! Then it's on over to the pantry for a few belts of Jagermeister or Dewer's prior to resettling in the Lazy Boy. The wings of course need to be as hot as can be in order to release as many endorphins as possible also.


Rush D: Bills 11th, Rams 29th
Pass D: Bills 4th, Rams 21st
Yardage D: Bills 5th, Rams 29th
Scoring D: Bills 11th, Rams 23rd


Rush O: Bills 22nd, Rams 14th
Pass O: Bills 27th, Rams 4th
Yardage O: Bills 28th, Rams 6th
Scoring O: Bills 30th, Rams 10th

Key Players and Matchups:

Humpty vs. himself:

There really is nothing else to say anymore. Anyone that cannot read the writing on the wall now is blind. It was up a while ago, namely in 2002, but selective reading comprehension hindered the team's ability to grasp it. The coaching staff is still in the denial/isolation phase even after two seasons of proof. Phase 2, Anger, is not even visible on the horizon.

Even vs. a team with nary a defensive back worthy of note, Humpty, masquerading as Bozo the Clown in this circus atmosphere, could do nothing. Heck, at one point the Pats were playing the 33-year old receiver Troy Brown as a defensive back due to depth issues there as a result of injuries. Naturally Humpty made Brown look like Ty Law. Sadly, he also made himself look like Joe Namath, ….today!

Bills Defensive Backfield vs. Ram Aerial Attack:

Again, the Bills' DL is incapable of generating any pass rush on its own, but the Bills defensive backfield is inadequate to handle the likes of the Rams style of offense. Not a good position to be in. Their simple four-man rush won't prevent Marc Bulger from having all the time that he needs to reproduce a Brady-like afternoon. The Bills cannot afford to cheat up, again, simply because they do not possess the skills in the back-7 to be able to cover the Ram receivers one-on-one. If they stack the line, then the likelihood of getting burned for big plays goes up drastically. The injury statuses of Vincent and Wire don't help matters there.

Bills DL vs. Marshall Faulk and Steven Jackson:

To date this RB tandem has nearly 1,000 yards of rushing in barely over half a season. The matchup here is very similar to last week with the exception that the Rams boast two Dillon-like RBs. Oh goody!! They'll have to stop this on their own largely due to the Rams spread out passing attack which will eat the Bills defensive secondary alive on big plays if the Bills cheat up on D.

McGahee vs. a weak Ram Defense and DL:

McGahee should have no trouble running on this defense at all even behind the Bills' below average line. The following teams and players have put up the annotated rushing yards vs. the Rams:

Arizona: 103
Atlanta: 242/Vick 109
New Orleans: 149/Stecker 106
Seattle: 187/Alexander 150
Miami: 117
New England: 147/Dillon 112
Seattle: 206/Alexander 176

That's seven of nine teams having put up over 100, usually well over, yards per game. If this team's rushing game led by McGahee is even close to as good as many seem to believe it is, then 100-yards is a given. It should be a given on 20+ carries too and not require 35 carries to crack the century mark.

Again, this will be another shot for Willis to put up a nice rushing game with a decent yards-per-carry average. There is no excuse for not breaching the 100-yard mark in this one, especially on 60 carries.

Bills Coaches vs. Nature:

Somebody send someone down to the sideline to take a pulse randomly in this game. Why am I getting the impression that this is the Buffalo Bills version of "Weekend at Bernie's" regarding the coaching staff!

If it saves time, I'll write the post-game comments and do the Q&A ahead of time to save them some time. It shouldn't take long since it's a simple matter of cut & paste. Let's see….

"We felt good before the game…"
"We're still mathematically alive in the playoffs…"
"Our chances of winning are best when Humpty's in there at QB…"
"We were just outplayed…"
"We're going to keep trying different combinations until something works…" (Someone please tap me on the shoulder when that happens so that I can alert my unborn grandchildren's children to the occurrence!)
"We feel like we were prepared…" I can see why these are done via website. I wonder how long it takes the coach to stop laughing roarously after answering those.
"We missed a lot of tackles…"

All brought to you by "Broken Record Enterprises."

Note to Coach: "Hopefully" is not a good word to use in post-game comments and in the Q&A, especially in Buffalo recently.


What fans are now seeing out of this Bills team is players and coaches who are simply "showing up for work." There is no heart, no verve, no leadership on or off of the field, and absolutely no reason for true hope or enthusiasm amid this circus-like atmosphere regarding the Bills. Decision making only leaves fans and media scratching their heads and heading to the kitchen for another Pabst.

Under the big top this week it may very well fall into the "first team to 40 wins" category. The Rams are far from the league's leading takeaway defense that they were last season. In fact, they are on the opposite end of the spectrum defensively this season. The problem is that the Bills offense can't get past 20 points rendering a win-scenario rather unlikely barring some very unusual scoring production from the defense and special teams.

The Bills can move the ball and score in this game although likely not enough or consistently enough to win it. They have yet to break the 20-point barrier unless the defense and special teams hands them the ball T-Ball style.

For the record, in writing, the Bills have put up the following quantities of offensive points on drives begun outside the opponents' 37-yard line, i.e. the two-thirds of the field closest to their own end zone, the Bills have put up the following numbers of offensive points per game:

Jacksonville: 0
Oakland: 10
N.E.: 10
Jets: 14
Miami: 6
Baltimore: 3
Arizona: 7
Jets: 10
N.E.: 0

The average is less than 7 points-per-game. Hello! So it stands to reason that they are competitive in games dependent upon the D and special teams setting them up outside their own two-thirds, read inside the opponent's third, of the field usually in the red zone or very close to it.

A good rule of thumb that I began applying last game, if you see the Bills start a drive from their opponent's 38-yard line through their half of the field, then expect no points. On top of that, the mathematical odds of the Bills scoring a touchdown on drives begun at their own 37 or within are exactly 4.2 % or 1-in-24. That of course factors in the data from the "Moorman patch" drive whereby the first drive had officially ended but on an extremely fortunate break the Bills "extended" that drive to score on the next play on a 41-yard heave to Moulds. Without that play, being one of three touchdowns scored on drives begun within their own 37, the historical mathematical odds fall to 2.8% or 1-in-36. Ironically, the odds are only twice those with starting field position originating within 62-yards of the Bills own end zone.

Bottom line:

Tuesday's article on Moorman for the Pro Bowl at the official site certainly sums up the Bills' season this year! He's the team's offensive MVP on the season along with Terrence McGee. Of course he deserves to make the Pro Bowl! Heck, start him at QB!

The Rams are a better team, a turf team, and have the type of offense that should match up extremely favorably for them. Even against poor teams, the Bills offense can't move the ball and score. So why should things change here. It is unlikely that the Rams walk out of the Ralph with fewer than 20 points. Ergo, a Bills win here is a longshot barring lots of Ram mistakes and turnovers or their highly improbable inability to move the ball.

As well, as pointed out, if the D and special teams don't do the offense's work for them, expect the Bills to put up 14 or fewer points leading to another blowout.


Bills 20, Rams 27.

This assumes that things go well for the Bills. The propensity is there for a New England style blowout as well. The more and the sooner the Rams go up, the worse things are for the Bills as Humpty needs to get involved to score points. Of course this represents an insurmountable dilemma since scoring and Humpty's involvement are mutually exclusive occurrences. Once again, the Bills face a type/style of offense that they have not proven they can stop during the Commander Tom-Humpty Dumpty era. Why this should be any different has no basis. If the Rams go up early then the game is over. Humpty just can't get it done!

The weather is currently forecast to be around 50 degrees with perhaps some rain. If wind or torrential rain happens, then this would favor the Bills.


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