After numerous hours of research, I realized that in all the years of writing Rumors, Rants & Raves, I've never once mentioned pit bulls and miniature horses in the same story. Now, thanks to Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker Joey Porter, I consider my life complete.
Tuesday night, two of Porter's dogs, a pit bull and a mastiff, escaped from his Pine Township home north of Pittsburgh, and decided to hit the miniature-horse buffet at a neighboring farm.
Apparently Porter wasn't aware that his dogs had escaped, and when authorities arrived did his best "Dog Hunter" to help round up the guilty pair. Once captured, the dogs were taken to a local animal center where they currently await sentencing.
Porter, meanwhile, got racked with citations for harboring dangerous dogs, failure to confine the dogs, and failure to have the dogs properly licensed.
Three weeks into the month and we've got a Chargers linebacker getting capped by an off-duty cop, a Detroit Lions coach popped while driving in the nude and now Porter's pets make a snack out of a 29" equine.
Could it get any crazier?
… T.O. suffered a broken ring finger on his right hand during Sunday night's win over the Redskins and had a metal plate surgically implanted on Monday to reconnect the bone. Owens is hoping that a few extra hours inside his oxygen chamber will speed up the healing process enough to mark his return on Oct. 8, when the Cowboys travel to the City of Brotherly Love to face the Eagles. That should be a pleasant reunion.
…So the Steelers got shut out on Monday Night Football – why is that not a surprise. You roll the dice on a rusty quarterback two weeks after he's rushed in for emergency appendectomy surgery?
That's brilliant - who made that call?
Speaking of brilliant, Bill Cower emphatically denies reports that his quarterback had a temperature of 104 just hours before kickoff. Cower claims that ESPN sideline reporter Michelle Tafoya must have misunderstood Roethlisberger during her pre-game interview, and that his actual temperature was 100.4 and not 104, as she originally reported.
"Somebody miscalculated a decimal point," Cower explained.
Ok, that makes sense, now can someone explain to me exactly how you miscalculate a decimal point?
…After an unhealthy amount of hours watching professional football over the weekend, I've come to the realization that Peyton Manning is quite possibly the anti-Christ. There ought to be a law concerning how many Manning-in-a-wig spots you're forced to endure over the course of a Sunday afternoon.
…For just the third time in franchise history, the Denver Broncos did not commit a single penalty during a game. Had their 9-6 win over the Chiefs not been so ugly, someone might have actually noticed that stat.
…After two straight road wins to open the season, the New Orleans Saints will return home for the first time since Hurricane Katrina ravaged the city in 2004. The feel good story of the year features the undefeated Saints playing host to the undefeated Falcons on Monday Night Football.
Toss in a performance by the Goo Goo Dolls, a spectacular light show, hordes of celebrities and the fact that millions of people around the world will be tuning in on sentiment alone, suddenly you've got televisions equivalent to Fort Knox…. you couldn't market this one any better.
…So I tanked on this week's picks against the spread, going 8 -8 including the Monday night fiasco. Dropped it hard on Tampa Bay and Denver – but got lucky and pulled one out of my shorts with the Giants comeback in Philly.
…Found this winner on ProFootballTalk.com – Post-game video of Bengals' wide receiver Chad Johnson trying to remember exactly who it was that lit him up during last Sunday's battle against the Browns. You really gotta feel sorry for the guy – I wouldn't wish that hit or haircut on anyone.
…. Ex Bronco, ex XFL'er and current washed up quarterback Tommy Maddox had a tryout with the Patriots on Tuesday, then flew to the Bay Area on Wednesday where he worked out for Big Al and the Oakland Raiders. Last week's audition schedule included the St. Louis Rams and Miami Dolphins.
As of Thursday, Maddox still remains unsigned – as does Jeff George, George Blanda, Kordell Stewart and Ryan Leaf.
…Morten Andersen, that's right – forty-six year old, eight time Pro Bowler Morten Andersen, signed a contact with the Atlanta Falcons on Tuesday and will now become the second oldest player in the history of the NFL when he takes the field this Monday against New Orleans.
"I was just talking to my old roommate, Y.A. Tittle, this morning," Andersen said during today's impromptu stand up. "We were reminiscing about the times we were taking stagecoaches to the games. It was a good time."
"I had blood taken this morning and dust came out."
Don't forget to tip your bartender and waitress - I'll be here all week.
Michael John Schon has covered the National Football League and the Denver Broncos for the past ten years. As a member of the Pro Football Writers Association he has published and syndicated columns to both newspapers and magazines throughout the United States and Canada. His syndicated radio broadcast: "Schon Live" airs weekly on various radio stations around the country.
Schon can be reached at Schon@prostarmediagroup.net
Schon: Rumors, Rants & Raves 9/22/06
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