LIVE! Tales from a Dorkbook

Live in-game stunt writing from OBR Publidork Barry McBride. Will there be insightful analysis? Unexpected profundity? Lots of pointless nattering made up on the spur of the moment? Will it be more exciting than the game? Find out LIVE Sunday afternoon.

Feel free to yap back at me via the comments at the bottom. I monitor them in real-time along with the chat room.

  • 3:58 PM: The Bengals recover an onside kick, convert a first down, sit on the ball, and walk off with the win. My Twitter feed is already showing a fire-Mangini sentiment, but I think that we're really seeing lack of depth in the offensive and defensive lines, particularly the DL, but if you lose two straight against two-win teams, the head coach will pay the price. See you on the forums!

  • 3:42 PM: Bang! Just like that. The Browns go 88 yards in five plays to close it to 19-17. Why are the Browns so effective in the 2-minute drive? It sort of suggests to me that the play-calling is getting in the way, but I don't want to pile on.

  • 3:38 PM: Browns now have the ball at their 12 with just over four minutes left, down nine points. It would be nice to see the Browns offense find itself here, but it's not looking good. The Browns do seem to be playing with a sense of urgency, however.

  • 3:33 PM: Strength of schedule is shown on the TV, with the Browns having the third worst schedule. At this point in the season, SoS for really bad teams is biased in their favor. Of course the Panthers opponents have a good combined record... they're starting off 12-1. The stat only really counts if you take out the results of the team itself.

  • 3:26 PM: Colt McCoy is sacked again as the Browns offensive line is getting overwhelmed. In addition, the Browns get called for another illegal formation, another disturbing offensive trend. I've seen worse Browns offenses over the years, so I'm jaded, but Daboll's doom seems pretty clear at this point. It's a shame, because he's had some very good weeks as an OC, and had no receiving corps to work with, but the fans are right on this one.

  • 3:20 PM: Eric Wright walks off hurt, but one of the Browns bigger issues can be seen as Ahtyba Rubin is clearly sucking wind. As mentioned in last week's blogs, I've had concerns about how many snaps Rubin has been taking this year, and the the wear and tear seems to be piling up. I have to believe this is part of why the Bengals offensive line has been dominating today.

  • 3:10 PM: Browns can't convert a third and inches despite the innovative Hillis-up-the-middle play call. Frustrating. Browns settle for a field goal, making it 16-10.

  • 3:07 PM: Quickly rushing a copy of this blog down to the field, the Browns allow Hillis to see my concerns. He immediately responds with a 20 yard run, keying a Browns drive to the Bengals four as the third quarter ends. Browns trying to rally, and restore our faith in truth, justice, the American way, and diva-free wide receiver corps.

  • 3:02 PM: Bengals fans are wearing paper bags, which is a strange sight for fans of the clearly better team so far this afternoon. Hillis has been shut down again, only 27 yards so far.

  • 3:00 PM: Bengals kick a field goal, and then Josh Cribbs' season of mediocrity continues with another very generic-looking kick return. For the second week in a row, the Browns offense has struggled after the first drive. That either means that the Browns offensive personnel can't compete outside of scripted plays, or that defensive adjustments aren't being matched by the Browns. It's just too coincidental.

  • 2:56 PM: The early trend identified below has continued into the second half, as Benson is simply banging away and getting more than five yards a carry. He's at 120 yards and the Bengals are at the Browns 16. Carson Palmer being very selfish with the Pick-sixes today.

  • 2:45 PM: Bengals are not only winning in the trenches and scoreboard, they're winning on third down. Thus far, they're 4-of-7 and the Browns just 1-of-4, ineffective as they were last week. Bengals pad their lead to 13-7 with 11:11 left in the third.

  • 2:36 PM: A family intervention involving a puppy and a photo of Jim Donovan has allowed me to return to the game. Looking at the TV, I see Carson Palmer heave a ridiculous looking pass that hangs 40 feet in the air and is still caught by Caldwell for 21 yards into Browns territory. The puppy has gone for naught.

  • 2:28 PM: It's halftime. The fourth down situation confused, angered, and frightened me. I have elected to spend halftime curled up in the fetal position.

  • 2:19 PM: A discombobulated and confused attempt to convert a fourth and eight devolves into two times out, two Browns penalties, one Bengals penalty, and a punt. Browns fail to score. The good news is that, for the first time in a couple of months, we didn't see an effective opposing drive in the last two minutes of the first half.

  • 2:18 PM: The Browns try the funky formation again that yeilded a TD in the first quarter. This time it results in a time out and a penalty. Fool 'em once...

  • 2:08 PM: Browns are again getting good field position, but now are moving the ball a bit. We're seeing a lot more variety in the WR corps, with Demetrius Williams appearing on first down and Josh Cribbs on second down.

  • 2:05 PM: The Browns defense tightens in the red zone, but the tone of the game is decidedly in the favor of the Bengals right now, as they go up 10-7 with 4 minutes left in the first half. Carson Palmer getting a huge amount of time, very little rush, and looking comfortable. For the second time this year, the Browns are letting a struggling-but-capable quarterback get back on track.

  • 1:58 PM: Time of possession now pointing sharply against the Browns, 14:59- 7:58. Bengals offensive line is dominating. Bengals winning in the trenches now.

  • 1:54 PM: Ryan starts compensating for the twists the game has thrown at his defense, and dials up a blitz with Eric Wright blowing into the backfield and causing tremendous grief for Carson Palmer. The Bengals follow up with an offensive holding call, creating a second and 20. But Palmer hits OchoJohnson for 16 and the Bengals continue to drive.

  • 1:49 PM: Browns go three and out. Shades of last week.

  • 1:43 PM: Browns need to stop Benson. The RB is now nine runs for 64 yards, a 7.1 average. He's on course for 248 and headlines unless this turns around. Rob Ryan is going to have to scheme around the injury issues which have depleted the Browns LB corps.

  • 1:37 PM: The Bengals continue to move the ball effectively, which worries me. They end the first quarter again in Browns territory at the 45. Owens is out, so they will rely more on Benson. Based on what I've seen of the Bengals, that's actually a good thing for them, despite Owens' glittering stats.

  • 1:32 PM: Terrell Owens has left the game due to a knee problem, but the Bengals continue to move the ball. Ced Benson so far is averaging over five yards a carry, 5 for 27.

  • 1:28 PM: Unlike last week, the Browns are stretching the field a bit. McCoy tries downfield for Cribbs and Massaquoi, both up against Joesph. It's a good idea, but Cribbs feet and Massaquoi's inability combat a nefarious ball of gas 93 million miles away result in the Browns having to punt.

  • 1:26 PM: The Bengals do move the ball well, but can't move it past the Browns 28. They go for it on fourth and ten, and, naturally fail. Terrell Owens hobbles off the field in front of a handful of fans. Thus, we have summed up the Bengals 2010 season.

  • 1:13 PM: The Bengals continue to self-destruct early. The helmet-to-helmet hit turned a near pick-six into a big Browns gain, and a huge return is called back due to a late holding call. The Browns get a gift from Sal Alosi, as they're called for having coaches in the white sideline area.

  • 1:09 PM: Want to open the playbook? Daboll splits St. Clair and Thomas wide, confusing the Bengals. McCoy tosses a 20-yard TD pass to Royal, who catches it. I think the Browns OC heard some of the criticism, LOL. Awesome.

  • 1:06 PM: McCoy overthrows an easy pass to start, but quickly gets in stride, hitting Robiskie and Watson to get the Browns into Bengals territory. McCoy later throws a horrible pass that's almost picked but a helmet to helmet hit on McCoy moves the Browns to the 20.


  • 1:00 PM: I read an article earlier this week just eviscerating Mike Brown. It highlighted a practice of announcing "The Bengals are in the Heinz Red Zone" to a hilarious reception by Steeler fans. I can't imagine another team dumb enough to do that. Sheesh. Yep.

  • 12:53 PM: Randy Lerner is a better owner than Mike Brown. Want proof? Look at the stands at Paul Brown Stadium... half empty despite a blackout. An owner who is self-aware enough to avoid meddling is a thousand times better than an oblivious owner who thinks he can contribute. See: Modell, Art.

  • 12:43 PM: For the record, I turned in an article saying that the Browns should hang onto Mangini regardless of the outcome of these last three games. I'll publish it after the game, assuming it doesn't get kiboshed in the OBR round-robin editing process. It basically argues that Mangini is developing not to be another Bill Belichick, but to be a solid member of a coaching and front office team.

  • 12:22 PM: Something about live blogging reminds me of this:

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