Richard Alston. Crispy returns after a far-too-long absence to try to help fill the void."> Richard Alston. Crispy returns after a far-too-long absence to try to help fill the void.">

Crispy: Art Thou Bored?

The doldrums of early Summer are here, but Crispy finds himself deep within a happy fantasy world. In Crispy's fantasy world, there are some similaries, and some crucial differences with the "reality" that we are forced to accept. High among these: no one has to endure webmasters frantically publishing stories on <A HREF="">Richard Alston</A>. Crispy returns after a far-too-long absence to try to help fill the void.

Suddenly, the signing of Richard Alston becomes really important for no other reason than there isn't much else to talk about.

I know there may be many of you wondering things like how we'll get by with a group of linebackers whose average length in the NFL is .5 years (thank goodness we're not a 3-4 team) or why management apparently has never heard of the fullback position.

Perhaps you're also wondering how well our corners will do in man-to-man because they're not going to get much help from the safeties this year – or even hoping Butch Davis will learn clock management.

While none of this was helped by the three-minute attention-grabber of selecting a center in the first round, fear not, I know the path of true denial!

There is a place where the Browns have won the Super Bowl... where Tre Johnson protects the quarterback on a regular basis... where Jamir Miller is a ball-hawk like no other.... and, oh, where Courtney Brown hasn't been injured once.

Yes, I am talking about Madden 2003.

My Playstation and I are fighting the good fight day-in and day-out while those "other" Browns are doing completely unnecessary tasks like practicing, lifting weights, having a quarterback controversy, and beating the living tar out of un-drafted rookie free agents.

My denial runs deep.

Just like Six Feet Under, my entire season exists in an alternate timeline where, amongst other things, Ricky Dudley regularly catches passes, Kelly Holcomb really does suck, there are no crappy halftime shows, and the Browns consistently hold opponents under 100 yards rushing.

Nevertheless, it is interesting to probably no one else but me (yo, Artbtz, props), that there are certain similarities to the real world that are worth mentioning, such as: John Madden constantly saying the same things over and over again, Cincinnati stinking up the joint, and completely inexplicable penalties. I threw a pass to Quincy Morgan (yes, he caught it), and then I got nailed for clipping, CLIPPING? Thank goodness no one can throw their helmets.

This would all suffice in my fantasy land of MaddenWorld, but I have yet to hear the computer speculate on whether or not I'll trade Kevin Johnson.

Can you tell I'm desperate for August?

*BTW, There is a God. I'm moving from Baltimore to Texas and will be providing occasional news from Denton where I am soon to become a member of the Lewisville Browns Backers (provided they are loud enough for me).

- Crispy

The OBR Top Stories