We need to have a talk about Ndamukong Suh

We're going to have a nice slow discussion about the best defensive tackle in football.

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Let’s just do this preemptively before things get out of hand. Before, you know, there are problems.

Sit down. This will just take a minute. Let’s talk.

I know and you know, there’s been a lot of talk in the papers. And, well, the papers, well, they don’t know the hurt they can cause.

Maybe, you saw what the Sporting News had to say. Or maybe you’re an ESPN Insider and read their thoughts on the matter. Or maybe you’re not and read it anyway.

Or maybe you even read the Detroit Free Press and were surprised that Detroit still had a newspaper, but you read it anyway.

Or perhaps you even read good-old trustworthy Tony Grossi back in December, around Christmas time when Winter still seemed like something we wouldn’t eventually hate with every molecule of our being. Remember when Tony said:

I have heard the Browns are considering Suh as a prime free agent target. They are once again among the league leaders in projected salary cap room and may be willing to make him the highest-paid defensive lineman in NFL history. That’s the type of contract it will take to attract Suh. His defensive line teammate, Nick Fairley, also is a free agent and would be considered a consolation prize to teams failing to land Suh.

See? They are saying it makes sense for the Browns to pursue the best defensive tackle in the NFL and that they might even get him.

But they don’t understand, any of them.

This is Cleveland. The most desired free agent, ranked #1 on Scout.com’s free agency rankings, doesn’t come to Cleveland. If he does, he promptly rips his patellar tendon and gets a staph infection.

Plus, players this good, at the peak of their careers, rarely make it to free agency anyway.

So, Cleveland, I think it’s important to “manage” expectations. Remember when that webmaster said to keep an eye on the website? How disappointing that was? When that team said there was going to be new logos? What a letdown, huh?

Well, this might just be another time to keep expectations, you know, under control. Don’t get your hopes up. We’ll track this for you, and we’ll be really cynical about it, so just keep reading the OBR, and everything will be fine. Just fine.

We won’t get carried away, so you won’t get carried away. Because if neither of us gets carried away, neither of us will get hurt.


I’m glad we had this little talk. Aren’t you?

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