Aqib's Draft Journey: Day 1

Our compadre Aqib once more made the cross-country trek to New York City, in order to witness the NFL Draft in person. In the episodic manner of the TV show <I>24</I>, we present Aqib's adventure in multiple parts. The events depicted in the following article take place between 8AM and 11PM on Friday, April 23rd.


This years NFL draft journey was much more of a hassle than last year

First, it took me far too long to actually commit to going to the draft.  Upset by Butch Davis's mishandling of, well, everything, I was just burned out.  I was wondering if it was worth it to go back to NY to witness Davis ruin another young man with so much promise. 

Last year, I talked about how fans are filled with hope on draft day.

Butch has ruined all of that, at least for me.  I have no faith in him or anything he does. 

Eventually, though, I relented and decided to go, mostly to see some friends again.

Last year, I wound up having to fly through Cincinnati because of the way airline fare structures work. This year, I waited too long to commit to the draft and I had to rent a car and drive to NYC.  Apparently, you have to book a flight 5 years in advance otherwise it costs $4,699 for a one hour flight. 

Even car rental agencies have ridiculous prices.  My choices were a Hyundai or a Mustang for $3 a day more.  I am not going to say my dignity doesn't have a price, but whatever the price is, it is sure exceeds $3 a day. 

Yeah, I have seen all the Sally Struthers commercials on what $3 a day can buy Pablo in Ecuador, but.... my god.... people we are talking about a Hyundai.

I try to decide what jersey to wear on Draft Day itself.  Almost every jersey I have bears the name of a player no longer with the team: Couch, KJ, Alexander, Darrin Chiaverini, etc. 

The drive to my buddy's place in Connecticut would be fine except for one small annoyance.  That annoyance is THE FREAKING STATE OF PENNSYLVANIA.  Its boring and its long. 

They should put Pennsylvania on EBay and see if someone else can do better with it.  In fact, if Canada is looking to expand, let them take a run at this. 

Listening to the radio I found out that Saturday is "Clean Up Day" in Pennsylvania. The governor came on the radio and asked everyone in the state to come out and clean up the place.  Mayor Jane Campbell - if you are reading this - don't get any ideas!

The long boring drive through Pennsylvania gives one plenty of time to think. In my case, I have random (if somewhat disturbing) thoughts and since I am writing this column I guess you'll have to read them.

  • If The Apprentice featured Randy Lerner instead of Donald Trump, would the most incompetent person (whoever is most responsible for the losing team's failure) get fired or would they get a two year contract extension? By that standard, would Omarosa be CEO of MBNA?
  • Browns fans kept making a big deal about Couch being one of the 5 highest paid QBs in the league when he wasn't one of the 5 best, but Butch is one of the 5 highest paid coaches in the league and he might not even be one of the top five coaches in Ohio.
  • Someone called a local sports talk show and compared Carmen's resignation to the capture of Saddam Hussein.  The host said you can't compare the two. I agree, Saddam's capture doesn't get me one step closer to getting rid of Butch Davis. 
  • What will Plain Dealer writer Bud Shaw do now that he doesn't have Tim Couch to bash anymore?  Has he written about anything else for the last two years?  This week he tried to rip Omar Vizquel by saying Vizquel sent the wrong message by asking out of a blowout loss so that his 2000th hit would not come in a meaningless situation. 

    So instead Omar's hit number 2000 arrived in the middle on an 8th inning rally, the way it should have.  Did Bud make any retraction?  No.  But then again this guy never said he was wrong after spending a year singing Kelly Holcomb's praises.  Terry Pluto admitted he was wrong about Holcomb, but then again Pluto has a Pulitzer Prize and Bud doesn't.  Coincidence?  I think not!  I will go so far as to offer the Plain Dealer my services as a columnist for free.  I can be a loudmouth with the best of them.  Just get rid of Bud.
  • At Thursday's Tribe game, in the 8th inning the scoreboard displayed the Rally Elephant.  Apparently a knock-off of the Angels Rally Monkey.  Now I am all in favor of a rally animal, but are there not any other primates available?  Pachyderms suck!
  • What ever happened to whaaazzzzzzuppppppp!!!!! I really enjoyed that.  Will that ever come back in style?  It needs a revival.

I arrive in Connecticut and waited for my friend Dave (the host for the weekend) at a coffee shop.  I would post a review of the shop, but a coffee shop review in the middle of a football column is lame and stupid.  Especially if you are an annoying idiot (Peter King) who goes to Starbucks every week and don't realize that every one of them is the same since it's a chain.  (Peter King)

When I lived in New York, I was a consultant who traveled quite a bit.  In every city I went to, I picked up a real estate guide and found I could live a lot better just about anywhere else. 

Now I live in the Greatest Location in The Nation, I still pick up these guides and laugh at everyone else.  Looking at a real estate guide, I find that if it was in the suburbs of New York the Aqib Mansion would be worth about $2.1 million. 

Dave is just as jaded as I am at this point.  He actually came up with an idea for a new reality show.  It would be called "Average Front Office." It would a behind the scenes look of the Browns front office, with one complete idiot secretly inserted who keeps coming up with bad ideas.  The contest would be to figure out which person is only pretending to be an idiot. 

Going to Dave's house is a little dangerous, as he is married to a Steelers fan.  They agreed when they got married that neither could buy football gear for their children. All family members were included in that treaty.  It's like different religions. 

Unfortunately, for Dave's spouse, she forgot to include Dave's maniacal friends in the pact. 

They had twins 6 months ago.  He asked me not to be too inflammatory, so I bought little Tribe jerseys, but then I walked into Sears and Browns baby gear was 40% off. Well, that was just too much temptation.  But she was surprisingly pleasant, although I hear they can only wear them when she is not around.

Tomorrow: The Adventure Continues....




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