Soon after 9-11 sports journalists across this great nation made a conscious effort not to use war like words when describing the games they covered. In recent weeks I have noticed writers and commentators slip on many occasions. It is very easy to do, because for many years such terminology ran rampant on every sports page. I have tried very hard to not compare sports to battle in my writings. If I have slipped, I want to be the first to apologize. Like the others, I meant no disrespect. Old habits are hard to break. But we must try. It is imperative that sports journalists continue their self-proclaimed ban on war like phrases. Hopefully, America's men and women will soon be out of Harm's Way. But we live in a different world than our fathers. It is time we find other words to describe our games.
No more Roman Numerals
On Sunday the Patriots and Eagles will play in Super Bowl 39. Yes, I'm protesting the use of Roman Numerals when mentioning the Super Bowl. My wasted mind has better things to do than trying to figure out what XXXIX means. At first glance it looks like some new rating for adult movies. Next year we celebrate Super Bowl XL. I can't wait for this extra large event to take place. The NFL needs to stop this insanity.
I'm hoping for the Patriots to win a defensive struggle over the Eagles in Super Bowl 39. I'm not wishing for these results because I put up the ranch in a wager and I'm betting for the Pats to cover the spread and I have the under. It's because I have recently talked myself into believing that Crennel being named coach of the Cleveland Browns is the best thing to happen since canned beer. My psyche is very fragile right now and I don't need anything screwing with it.
Crennel is not Shakespeare's Romeo and Cleveland is not Juliet. Using it as a catch phrase has worn out its welcome. True both Romeos share the common thread of a William having a hand in making them characters of mystic attributes. But to compare Cleveland to Juliette is a terrible misrepresentation. Shakespeare's Juliette was young and innocent. The Cleveland I know is an experienced gal that is hard to tame. I could be cunning and work in a certain Shakespeare Play at this point of the article. Shrew it, let's get to the end. We may all want to see Cleveland fall head over heals in love with this modern day Romeo. Remember Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliette didn't have a happy ending. We want our characters to live happily ever after. We don't want to see them fall to the poison that spews from the evil cities of Baltimore, Pittsburgh and Cincinnati.
Super Bowl questions and answers
Is the Super Bowl a must win game for both teams?
No, neither team is the Buffalo Bills.
How many fans at the Super Bowl can name the starting offensive line of either team?
Not many but they are easily identified. They are the ones wearing a replica of their team's mascot on their heads.
Wouldn't it be nice to see a Super Bowl played on a frozen tundra?
No, because it would cause the death of too many of my furry friends.
Can a Super Bowl victory ever be considered an ugly win?
Only if the winner is the Steelers, Ravens or Bengals.
Do the majority of Browns fans talk more about the Super Bowl commercials or the game at work on Monday?
Neither. The majority of Browns fans asked for the day off in August in anticipation of seeing their team in the game. Reality usually hits hard in late October, but they decide to take it off anyway to recover from another disappointing season.
How many hours have the Super Bowl skill players practiced their touchdown
celebrations in the mirror?
If they spent one hour, that's one too many for me.
Does Vince Lombardi turn over in his grave when he sees what has become of
the game that the winner's trophy bears his name?
Does Linda Blair's head spin in the Exorcist?
Last ditch effort
Over the football season I have mentioned many companies and products hoping that I would find a few gratuities delivered to my door. The first snow has all but melted and I'm still looking for that initial gift. So here is one last ditch effort, in good old boy NASCAR fashion, to find sponsors for my madness.
I want to thank Ford for providing my wife and me reliable and comfortable transportation to the home games. I want to thank Mitsubishi for developing a high definition television that makes viewing the game at home almost like being there. I can't forget DirecTV, without them there would be no football in my house on Sunday. I want to send some love to Budweiser and Miller for keeping me full of fluids. Thanks to the folks at the takeout counter at Buffalo Wild Wings and all the sausage packers for keeping me fed. I want to send an extra thanks to the makers of Crestor for keeping my heart pumping throughout the season. Oh, I almost forgot. Hugs go out to Lou and the staff at the Gridiron Grille in Cleveland Brown Stadium. They made every pre-game meal a delight. Thank you Coors for sending those tall cans to Cleveland Stadium. A special thanks to John, for floating me a twenty at the stadium when my debit card crashed. To my wife, thanks for being the sane part of our team and suffering right along with me through another disappointing season. She proofreads my article, so I may get my first freebie. Did I mention Budweiser, Miller, and Coors. Oh, I did. All right! Finally I would like to thank the Browns players for not quitting in a season that must have been as miserable for them as it was for me.
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