In the early morning hours of April 1st, BerniesInsiders.com was attacked by a group of hackers calling themselves the "International Super Bengal Society". Defacing the fan-driven website with barely legible scrawls calling for Elvis Grbac's head, the group stunned loyal Browns fans accustomed to catching up on the weekend's football news at the site developed around Browns football icon Bernie Kosar.
The hacker group, an off-shoot of the National American Party for the Restoration of the Ickey Shuffle, provided Bernie's Insiders with a long and improbable list of demands:
1. Elimination of the use of the word "Bungles" to refer to Cincinnati's pro football franchise.
2. Complete erasure of all football statistics and records accumulated during the period 1990-2002.
3. Immediate availability of Skyline Chili at all NFL games.
4. The "immediate termination or relocation to Cincinnati" of Elvis Grbac, Trent Dilfer and Drew Bledsoe.
5. All Corey Dillon / Burger King references immediately removed from the site.
6. A box of staples
Bernie's Insiders webmaster Art Bietz worked with staff of TheInsiders and Yahoo to correct the damage after being contacted in the middle of a lake in Georgia where he was cruelly and without apparent motivation murdering small fish. After long hours of detective work, the hacking was traced to two Bengal fans "Beng1L0rd" and "BengalPower", who immediately lost all Internet priviledges in Mrs. Creosote's "Web Surfing for Teens" club at Mayor Springer Jr. High in Hamilton, Ohio. Said individuals have also been banished to their rooms, without television or any hope of watching Dragonball Z in the foreseeable future.
"The effort of the entire BTNG Crew should be commended", noted Bietz, "particularly DK's effort to bolt worthwhile news items onto the trash offered up by Bungle fans this morning. We stand resolute in our position to never give in to demands to cease mocking the Bungles, and we look forward to another year of sneering at Cincinnati draft picks."
When asked if there was any possibility that the site's web hosting service had played a role in the security breach, Bietz responded "Apparently people responsible included lamebrains fervently occupying our leased server", but would provide no additional information.