I want to squelch the following rumors:
The Browns haven't disappointed me enough to give my orange and brown gear to charity and find a new team that doesn't leave me in a stupor on Sunday.
I haven't started following the PBA Tour on ESPN at one o'clock instead of tuning to the Browns game.
I haven't been in rehab for any of my addictions including Browns football.
I am not dead.
The truth of the matter is that while some folks move to a warmer climate to help their aches and pains later in life. Mrs. G and I decided to max out all our credit cards and move back to Northeast Ohio. Mrs. G is under the delusion that we made the move to be closer to the family. We've been here since November 19 and we've made the short trip to Cleveland Browns Stadium twice. We've been able to watch the Cavs on television without paying a small fortune to DirecTV. We have yet to see the whites of any of our relatives' eyes. It doesn't take a genius to figure out the real reason for packing our bags.
The aches and pains take our minds off the heartache the Browns cause us week after week. Also, every time we purchase Ben Gay at the store we are reminded of the flash of hope that the undrafted running back from Garden City Community College gave us in 2001. He was a flash all right - a flash in the pan - but that is how desperate we were to have a legitimate running back wearing a Browns uniform.
It is very disappointing that the Browns seem to be no better in week 13 than they were when the season started. I can go on and on about each game but like a good cornerback I have developed amnesia. That's the only way I can show up Sunday.
But my short term memory still works and in the Jacksonville game there was a play that forced the unmentionable B word to spew from my mouth.
When the Browns didn't put a spy on Gerrard and he ran for twenty-eight yards when it was third and nineteen right before the two minute warning. Though Andra Davis would have been in position to make the play had he not left his feet.
There were also coaching decisions that left me rattling the few brain fragments I have left against my thick skull as I walked out of the stadium.
Not throwing on first down to keep Jacksonville honest actually put Frye in third and long more often than not.
Whatever happened to the screen pass or draw play to slow down the rush?
Letting the inconsistent Richardson punt the ball with the team trailing by six points with 2:28 to go was not what I wanted to see the 4-7 Browns do.
This was a field position game a game that the Browns had a chance to win. But I just don't think they know how. They need to figure it out in the last four games.
Why is Crennel getting testy in press conferences? The press has actually been too easy on him. Fans need to know why this team makes the same mistakes week after week. Fans also need to know what is being done to fix the problem. Fans also need to know when they can expect to see progress.
Where's the Troughs?
I'd be rich if I had a dollar for every time I heard, "I really miss the troughs at the old stadium."
I know a lot of you are thinking that may be an exaggeration. But, I have an extremely small bladder and a very high consumption level.
Thankfully the architect included an abundance of sinks which after a few beverages resemble a trough.
I was informed at the Jacksonville game that all those kind folks who serve us our adult beverages in the stadium on game day had to sign an affidavit saying they would serve no more than two beverages to one customer and that every drink with liquor would have at least five ice cubes. Failure to comply with this promise would result in immediate termination. There are two home games left and here is a message for everyone who wants to take part in a little Holiday Cheer. Be kind to your servers especially when they won't give you a Jack straight up.
I lost count on the number of fans that were escorted out off the Stadium Sunday for throwing snowballs. Also there has been much bad publicity over how the Jaguars were pelted with snowballs as they left the field.
In the words of the great Al Lerner, "I think everyone controlled themselves considering they spent 60 minutes out in cold weather. It wasn't pleasant. I wouldn't suggest anything like that. But it wasn't World War III."
I Like Surprises
I'd be pleasantly surprised if the Browns could go into Paul Brown Stadium and cage the roaring Bengals. But at this point of the season I would just be happy with progress.