AB: My Super Bowl Message to You

Bietz has vanquished yinzer conspiracies in order to present his message of hope to Browns fans...


A vast Pittsburghian conspiracy has been uncovered which silenced my voice from speaking to you, Browns fans, this past "Super Bowl Sunday".

This is only one of the many conspiracies uncovered by Browns fans during within the past 36 hours.

Fortunately, our agents acted in time to stop the intended extension of voting rights to Pittsburgh, an act which would almost certainly have resulted in the replacement of our elected representatives by monkeys, circus performers, and professional wrestlers. Or, rather, the election of more of them.

While we acted in time to somewhat protect our government, we were unable to stop the NFL's Yinzer Mollification Conspiracy which launched around 6:30PM on Sunday evening. We still have not determined why the NFL provided Steelers owner Dan Rooney with remote-controlled "officials" to guide the Pittsburgh Steelers to a "victory" in the "Super Bowl", although we suspect it has something to do with the league's potentially profitable business in logo-emblazoned false teeth. 

We can take comfort that Sunday night's complete and utter sham will eventually be forgotten as a particularly dull misdeed during the historically unimportant Interlude Between Browns Dynasties (1965-2006).

What should never be forgotten is how incompatibilities deliberately introduced into Compact Disk players and mixing boards prevented the recording presented below from annoying Steeler fans gathered at a local watering hole to celebrate phantom interference calls, mysteriously shifting goal line planes, and other aspects of deviant criminal behavior.

That the incompatibilities were proven fatal at a remote radio broadcast at a known safe haven for Yinzers who normally live in mortal fear of lightning, Browns fans, bathing, and the written word is, I'm sure, a complete coincidence.

We will uncover the truth about the absence of needed patch cords and those responsible will be held to account.

In the meantime, we can present the audio to you, Browns fan, at long last, thanks to those determined rebels who built the "internets". Viva la revolution!

Microsoft Windows Format: Click Here

MP3 Format: http://www.sportstalknetwork.com/podcast/Art_Bietz_2406.mp3

 

Arthur B. Bietz is a cardigan-sweater loving suburbanite from Lake County, Ohio, who has devoted his life to the Cleveland Browns and various types of hard alcohol. Art's hobbies include decorating his bomb shelter, shouting at "hippies", bowling, and tormenting small mammals with a vacuum cleaner.

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