Do We Need More Riots In L.A.?

Rube looks at LA's attempt to snare an NFL team and mounts the soapbox to let his opinion fly. This is entry #4 in the 2002 Commentate-Off!


The NBA season is almost over (thank God), and the Lakers are in the finals once again.  Good thing, too, because I was worried that we weren't going to be able to see Jack Nicholson's 70 year old mug on TV every 15 minutes during the finals.  I would like to call the producer at NBC and tell him, "HEY WE GET IT. JACK NICHOLSON GOES TO LAKER GAMES. NO ONE CARES. STOP PUTTING HIM ON TV."  But I don't have those types of contacts so I guess I'll just have to put up with it.  I mean it's only the NBA, and as long as this doesn't bleed over into the NFL I could care less. Well, this nightmare could become a reality.

That's right folks, the Anschutz Entertainment Group is trying to steal…err… bring a football team to Los Angeles.  I remember a story about a group of fans that were really upset when something like this happened, but that's another story for another day. You might be asking yourself, "Who is the Anschutz Entertainment Group?" Well I'm glad you asked. Anschutz or AEG, is a Sports Entertainment conglomerate that runs a couple Major League Soccer teams, the Manchester Monarchs (AHL), and the Los Angeles Kings (NHL).  They also own the Staples Center in L.A. Oh, and I forgot to mention they are part owners of the Los Angeles Lakers. But hey they are just a small company looking out for us fans right?

Why should the NFL give L.A. another chance at a football team anyway? They had the Rams, they had the Raiders, and now they want one more shot. I say no freaking way. But let us look at the other side of this.  I mean, just think of all the great things that could come out of L.A. having their own football team again. If they ever won the Super Bowl the residents of the City of Angles would have another reason to burn down the freaking town. I don't know about you, but I can't get enough of video footage of guys celebrating a championship by flipping over cop cars, looting stores, and fat guys in Kobe Bryant jerseys setting fire to dumpsters.  Hell, they could just name the team "The LA Riots." Just think of all the celebrities that would show up for the games! They could turn the celebrity appearances into promotional events. They could have events like "The Christopher Reeves Half Time Wheel Chair Race," or "Sit Next to a Failed Child Star Day, with Special Guest Macaulay Culkin." God knows the American public cannot get enough of seeing celebrities at sporting events.

I'm sure…no I'm positive that I would feel differently about this if it were a bunch of people in L.A. getting together and trying to get their team back. But this is not the situation. Instead, we have some sports entertainment company trying to build a new building in L.A. to house a football team that already belongs to another city. Another city that probably has fans the same as us Browns fans, who want to keep our team where it is. I say the AEG should keep to what they know best: Major League Soccer.


I was so happy this morning when I read that the Chargers told AEG to back off, and that they were planning on staying in San Diego. I hope all of the teams that AEG approaches give them the same response. Of course, we know that all of the owners in the NFL are not going to respond to AEG's offer like this. I can think of at least one owner who would jump at an opportunity like that.  I'm sure you all know whom I'm talking about.  Some owners will do anything to make a little bit of money and get a new stadium with a nice new club seat for their greedy asses, no matter who it ends up hurting. But I'm not bitter, Art.


Why am I even complaining about this, though? AEG is going to come up with enough money to bribe some owner into moving his team to L.A. The team will suck for a few years and no one will go to the games after the first season. They will end up moving in 2010 to some other city… maybe Anchorage, Alaska and L.A. will be without pro football once again.







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