Rich's Rant: You Might Be a Browns Fan...

Between his post-game show on local radio and his forum discussion of his columns on the OBR, Rich Passan may have talked to (and argued with) more Browns fans than anyone. Here are some of his ways to determine if you, indeed, might be a Browns fan.

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy . . .

You're an unabashed, true-blue, diehard fan of the Cleveland Browns if you . . .

... refer to the team in the first-person plural. It's not the Browns or they, it's "we".

... have a special Browns room in your house resplendent with Cleveland Browns memorabilia. The brighter, the better.

... have license plates protected by a Cleveland Browns cover and your vanity plates reflect your loyalty.

... have a Cleveland Browns watch even if it doesn't always give you the correct time.

... follow any doubt about a Phil Savage move with the thought "Must trust Phil"

... wear an orange and brown outfit to work one day a week during the season.

... get very upset when you find out your best friend is a closet Pittsburgh Steelers fan.

... refuse to wear anything purple . . . or black and gold.

... think Jim Donovan and Doug Dieken are the best play-by-play guys in the National Football League.

... believe network TV announcers have no clue whatsoever when working a Browns game.

... have ketchup and mustard by any brand except Heinz.

... bristle if anyone says anything remotely critical about the Browns.

... melt like a stack of butter on pancakes at the first sight of the Browns at training camp.

... believe in your heart of hearts that the sun rises and sets on the team based in Berea.

... eat the same breakfast on game day for good luck when the team is on a winning streak.

... scream like hell at the television set whenever the Browns throw an interception or fumble the ball away, but resist throwing heavy objects at said set.

... think Peter King, John Clayton, Chris Mortensen and all football writers who criticize the Browns are morons.

... think Peter King, John Clayton, Chris Mortensen and all football writers who praise the Browns are brilliant.

... criticize other teams whose players have off-the-field problems, yet turn the other cheek when a member of the Browns has similar difficulties.

... never question the moves of Romeo Crennel.

... joined this Web site.

... are pissed off because Cleveland got screwed out of professional football for three years when it didn't have to be.

... religiously tracked Browns players performing in NFL Europe.

... fall into a deep depression for days following a Browns loss.

... walk with both feet off the ground following a Browns victory and don't want to come down until the next game.

... think Charlie Frye might be the next coming of Brett Favre, Bernie Kosar and Joe Montana. Combined.

... wear and an orange and brown headband when you play racquetball or in a pickup basketball game.

... put your Cleveland Browns windshield sun protector on your car in Phoenix this time of the year. (Guilty as charged.)

... gift your newborn son or daughter with a Cleveland Browns football and warm-up outfit. Indoctrinate them right out of the womb.

... feel the need to add to this list anything that might have been overlooked.


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