I'm Right, You're Wrong, Shut Up

Tommy Stiletto, Commentator, attempts to hold out for more voidable years, but runs afoul of our nefarious need to pound out an article every hour. Check out Tommy's remedy for contract holdouts, in the first regular installment of "I'm Right, You're Wrong, Shut Up".

Write Tommy at szars@fcol.com or via the Fan Commentary Forum

Heaven help me, I've got these thoughts rambling around in my head and I can't get rid of them. Maybe a Brunell Special blindside shot from Gerard Warren would help…

  • Hey, I won! Now Art and his gang of thugs expect me to commentate. But I don't wanna commentate, since I don't believe "commentate" is a real word. I did live in Idaho for four years, so I CAN comment on taters, but I don't think that's what they have in mind. So stick around while I comment.
  • Now that I've been drafted by Bernie's Insiders, it's time to do what draft choices always do. I'm holding out for a big signing bonus and voidable years. In the meantime, I'll be working out on my own in Florida. "Honey, get me another beer!"
  • Speaking of holdouts, I'd like to suggest a new team policy: Anyone who is under contract but fails to show up for camp has his cup confiscated.
  • Gotta say, I feel better about the O Line than I have in years. That's where we're gonna win games. Verba, Wohlabaugh, Tre, Tucker and O'Hara or Fowler should be able to protect Timmy and open some big holes for Green. But every great line unit needs a nickname. How about the Lake Front? Better yet: In honor of Browns director of security/ex-Secret Service dude Lew Merletti, we should call them the Line of Fire.
  • Nice work by some of my new associates, filing daily reports from training camp. Great stuff and some great insights. Wish I could be there, but I live in Northeast Florida, 1,000 miles from Berea. I guess I could file daily reports on the Jaguars camp, but who the hell cares?
  • Let's review: Faced with the choice of William Green or T.J. Duckett, the Browns select Green. Green is in camp and looking good. Duckett is holding out and getting his teeth knocked out at county fair rap shows. You make the call.
  • If I hear one more expert say the Bengals are a quarterback away from contending, I'm gonna barf.
  • Anyone else get nightmares from the idea of Quincy Morgan starting opposite KJ? Damn, I sure wish we had another veteran WR.
  • This has nothing at all to do with the Browns, but here goes anyway: I always thought politicians were the lowest form of life on the planet. Then I started dealing with car salesmen. ‘Nuff said.
  • The official over/under from Vegas on how many dumb beer bottle remarks TV foofs make while doing broadcast of the Browns' home opener: 12 pack.
  • What ever happened to Leslie Shepard anyway?
  • Don't look now, but the days are numbered for The One Who Shall Remain Unnamed. Baltimore businessman Steve Bisciotti has an option to purchase the remaining 51 percent of the Ravens in 2004. This season and one more. I hope the bastard loses every single game. Good thing I'm not bitter, huh?
  • Never, ever forget what to say when fans of other, inferior teams give you grief about the Browns: "Logos are for sissies."
  • Can I order my playoff tickets yet?

Tommy Stiletto has never set foot in Cleveland Browns Stadium, yet he's a diehard Browns fan. Of course, he's never set foot in the Jack Daniels plant, but that's in his blood too. He's a Toledo native but is currently on the lam, filing his columns from somewhere in Florida.

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