OBR WORLD HEADQUARTERS
LAKE COUNTY, OHIO
UPDATE 11:10PM: It's amazing what you can find when you break into the Humane Society's office after dark. What we've found has been dubbed Edgar II, and he's running like his life depends on it. Which it does, actually. So the boards are back.
UPDATE 9:30PM: Earlier today, starting at about 6:30PM, the Orange and Brown Report message boards suffered an outage which continues at this hour.
This outage is due to the unexpected and tragic loss of our hamster, Edgar, who collapsed at that hour and left our servers without adequate power to continue their hard work.
When Browns head coach Romeo Crennel and offensive coordinator Jeff Davidson called their eighth consecutive run up the middle in an attempt to preserve the Browns' fragile lead, Edgar uttered a single guttural shriek of either dread or frustration, and promptly keeled over. All attempts to revive the hamster through mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, making scary snake noises or lobbing him back and forth across the office with tennis racquets were unsuccessful.
Edgar had been acting strangely all afternoon, excitedly running in his little wheel when the Browns went out to a 20-3 lead, but becoming increasingly erratic beginning when the Jets Justin Miller had a kick-off return for a touchdown.
While Edgar will be missed, it's clear that he had been off of his medication all weekend. In addition, Edgar had really been pounding those poppy seeds for a while, if you know what we mean. While we're all unhappy, this doesn't exactly come as a shock, ya know.
The OBR message boards will be back up and running as soon as possible. We are currently attempting to find a 24-hour Petsmart. In addition, we've commissioned a team of people to run around with a can of Planters cashews and attempt to lure a gullible chipmunk into data center.
As soon as the team actually wins, ya know (sigh). We'll get these things running as soon as humanely possible. Or rodently, um, possible. Whichever.