But that would be too easy. I'm here instead to praise the efforts of Kelly "Who the Hell is This Guy?" Holcomb, who stepped in for an injured Tim Couch in Week One and turned in a hell of a performance, beating the Kansas City Chiefs for 60 minutes, only to lose after Rudd's dumbass play.
Holcomb, the pride of Middle Tennessee State, had one previous start and had a career QB rating of 49.5.
Yet he turned in a masterful performance against the Chiefs, throwing for more than 326 yards, three TDs and no interceptions.
Which just goes to show that the old football adage "If you have two quarterbacks, you have no quarterback" is a bunch of crap. Last year, just 16 quarterbacks started every game.
Everybody goes into the season figuring their starter on Opening Day is going to be their starter all year long. About half of them are wrong.
Rob Johnson, Jon Kitna, Brian Griese, Mark Brunell, Drew Bledsoe, Steve McNair, Chris Chandler, Chris Weinke, Jim Miller, Quincy Carter, Charlie Batch, Daunte Culpepper, Matt Hasselbeck and Tony Banks all missed starts last year, either because of injury or because they just sucked.
Here's a quick look at each team's QB situation:
- Ravens: Chris Redman is a first-year starter, but he has a pretty solid backup in Jeff Blake, who has 77 career starts and a 79.5 QB rating.
- Bills: Drew Bledsoe lost his starting gig in New England last year to injury and a hot Tom Brady, but he's still got it. His backup is Alex Van Pelt, who has 11 career starts and a 67.0 QB rating.
- Bengals: What a disaster. Gus Frerotte is the starter because he's less pathetic than Kitna (48 starts/71.2) and Akili Smith (16 starts/54.2).
- Browns: Couch is still waiting for that breakout year. You have to think his arm started feeling better when he saw the numbers Holcomb was putting up. Josh Booty is the developmental project.
- Broncos: Brian Griese looked shaky in Week 1. Steve Beurlein is old as the hills, but has 97 career starts and an 80.9 rating.
- Texans: Coming into the season, David Carr and Mike Quinn had zero starts between them. Quinn, out of Stephen F. Austin State, has a 85.4 QB rating.
- Colts: Peyton Manning just never gets hurt, which is why Holcomb never got any experience when he played there. Backup is Brock Huard, with four starts and a 80.1 QB rating.
- Jaguars: Mark Brunell is still hearing Gerard Warren's footsteps from last year. His backups are Kent Graham (38 starts/69.0) and rookie David Garrard. Remember Garrard's name. He's out of East Carolina and looked very sharp in preseason.
- Chiefs: Trent Green is no slouch. His backup is former Wolverine Todd Collins (17 starts/68.8).
- Dolphins: Jay Fiedler and Ray Lucas (9 starts/76.4) were both career backups who got a shot at starting. Fiedler capitalized on it.
- Raiders: Rich Gannon is an iron man. He better be, because backup Marques Tuiasosopo has no career starts (but a 100.0 QB rating).
- Patriots: Tom Brady is the patron saint of backups, stepping in for an injured Bledsoe last year and ending up as Super Bowl MVP. His backup is Damon Huard (6 starts/74.6).
- Jets: Vinny is the Energizer Bunny of QBs – he just won't quit. When he does, former Marshall QB Chad Pennington (0/95.3) is the man.
- Steelers: Kordell Stewart has been the starter for years, and still no one can tell if he has any talent or just lots of luck. His backup is former XFLer Tommy Maddox (4/49.3), the former heir apparent in Denver.
- Chargers: Drew Brees deserves the starting job here, but he's got one hell of a backup in Doug Flutie (60/75.9). Flutie has thrown for 13,249 yards and 76 TDs in 9 NFL seasons, plus another 30,130 yards and 194 TDs during six years in the CFL.
- Titans: Steve McNair is the real deal. Backup Neil O'Donnell is getting up in years, but he's got tons of experience (99/81.7) and is the only backup in the league with Super Bowl experience.
- Cardinals: Thank goodness for Jake Plummer, because there is nothing behind him. The Cardinals' official website doesn't even list a backup QB. Chris Griesen of NW Missouri State and Josh McCown of Sam Houston State are the other QBs on the roster, but neither one has a lick of experience.
- Falcons: When you've got Michael Vick, what else do you really need? Doug Johnson (2/68.6) is back there, just in case. Panthers: Rodney Peete got the first start. Rodney Peete??? Former Heisman winner Chris Weinke (15/62.0) will get the job back before long.
- Bears: Jim Miller has the league's most experienced backup in Chris Chandler (137/80.8), which could cause problems if Chandler starts grumbling about his second-string role.
- Cowboys: Quincy Carter sucked at Georgia and still sucks at Dallas. His backup is former baseball player Chad Hutchinson, who was telegraphing his passes so badly in a preseason game at Jacksonville that I could tell who he was gonna pass it to from the upper deck.
- Lions: Mike McMahon seems like a decent guy on a terrible team. He's just keeping the spot warm for rookie Joey Harrington, though. Our old pal Ty Detmer (25/74.7), who will always be welcome on any team of mine, is the second stringer and official mentor.
- Packers: Brett Favre hasn't missed a start since 1992, so backup is irrelevant. That's a good thing, because Doug Pederson (17/62.1), whose name still gives me nightmares, is the backup. Favre's former backups include Detmer, Brunell and Saints starter Aaron Brooks. Vikings: When Daunte Culpepper went down last year, St.Cloud State's Todd Bowman (3/98.3) stepped in and looked pretty good.
- Saints: Aaron Brooks had a great year and a mediocre year and parlayed it into a big contract extension. Backup is Louisiana-Lafayette's Jake Delhomme (2/62.4).
- Giants: Kerry Collins looks awesome on one play, awful on the next. Backup is Jesse Palmer, with zero experience.
- Eagles: Donovan McNabb was drafted behind Couch but ahead of Akili. His backup is Ty Detmer's little brother, Koy (6/61.8).
- 49ers: Jeff Garcia is a CFL refugee who's turned into a Pro Bowl-quality NFL starter. Backup is Tim Rattay (0/90.3).
- Seahawks: Who's the starter here, anyway? Matt Hasselbeck (12/71.9) starts until Trent Dilfer (88/71.2) gets healthy.
- Bucs: This roster has some serious depth. Brad Johnson is the starter, Rob Johnson (27/85.7) is the second stringer. Shaun King (21/77.2), who took this team to the NFC Championship game a few years back, is third. Former Buckeye Tom Tupa, who has 13 career starts at QB, is the punter.
- Redskins: Hmmm…former Gator Shane Mathews or former Gator Danny Wuerffel? Matthews got the Week 1 call. Wuerffel (6/51.2) will get plenty of action before season's end.
- For the record, the University of Washington leads all schools with four backups (both Huards, Tuiasosopo and Chandler), and the Detmer brothers could beat the Huard brothers with one hand tied behind their back.