Death Chat 2007: Multiple Choice Edition

Now with an exciting multiple choice format for the lightning round! Meh. It's May, we do what we can. Four OBR writers again gather in the chat room for a no-BS and occasionally comprehensible discussion of Cleveland Browns news. Predict whether NFL Europe was (A) mentioned constantly, (B) somewhat relevant, or (C) avoided entirely.

Fred: After watching the OTA, I think they better start printing playoff tickets. Boy, they looked good in shorts
John: Are we gonna have the same type of scintillating questions we had last week?
Rich: Can't top last week.
Barry: No, it's possible that these might be even more scintillating. They could, potentially, out-scintillate even last week.
Rich: Imposserable.
John: Perish the thought
Rich: Gonna be a long evening, gents.
Barry: I have, however, shifted all Lightning Round questions to an easy-to-answer multiple choice format.
John: Great.....
Rich: Dumbing it down?
John: Numbing it down.

1. The first notable on-field act of the All-New Braylon Edwards Version 2.0 Era was to miss the very first OTA practice, which took place on Tuesday in the presence of the media. Do you consider this to be "no big deal" or something which shows that the "new" Braylon is the same as the "old" Braylon?

John: Who?
Rich: No biggie.
John: Just seemed odd, but it's really not that big of a dealio.
Rich: It's a stinking OTA. Did he miss today as well?
Fred: I think he undid a lot of his good will of the 1 million donation
John: He was there today, I believe.
Fred: he was back
Rich: Then no biggie.
John: I think the vets that had a problem with him last year might have an issue with him, though.
Barry: I don't think it was a big deal, but not brilliant from the "image management" perspective.
Rich: At least he has the common sense to call in absent.
Rich: Image schmimage.
Fred: just catch 80 balls and 10 tds
John: There's yer image Fred.
Rich: It's a stinkin' OTA for crying out loud.
John: Calm down Rich.
Rich: Where's my librium?
Barry: It's news in May, but irrelevant if he performs in September, eh, Fred?
Fred: all will be forgotten
Barry: That is truth.
John: Braylon made his bed with the BS he pulled last year; now, he has to deal with everything he does being magnified.

2. The first team offensive line taking the field during the OTAs had Kevin Shaffer at LT, Ryan Tucker at RT, and Seth McKinney at RG. At the same time, many pundits - some, perhaps, in this very chatroom - seem to feel that it will be Joe Thomas, Kevin Shaffer, and Ryan Tucker at LT, RT, and RG respectively when the season starts. Which lineup do you think is more likely to take the field when the Browns face the Steelers in September?

Rich: The second.
John: The latter.
John: Haha, my answer sounded better.
Rich: But Shaffer will be at RT and Tucker at RG.
John: That's what he said.
Fred: Thomas, shaffer at rt and tucker at rg
Barry: Alright, then, ye of little confidence is RAC's assertions.
John: Please, OTA starting lineups mean squat.
Fred: the starting ota lineups are just Romeo's PR deal
Rich: In fact, don't be surprised if McKinney beats out Tucker for RG
John: If McKinney is healthy, he's a quality O-lineman.
Rich: Is his health a question at this time?
John: Supposedly, Rich, he's healthy.
Fred: don't forget about big Nat
Rich: Big Nat will be gonzo by Sept. if not sooner.
Barry: Who could forget Big Nat?
Barry: Although Melvin Fowler might have been useful last year.
So, folks here think that Shaffer would be a better right tackle than Tucker?
Rich: As far as the running game is concerned, you bet.
Barry: Tucker was our best lineman just two years ago.
Rich: Tucker's still not that good, which is an indictment on the OL two years ago.
John: The OL would be better with Shaffer at RT and Tucker at RG.
Fred: the only problem with counting on Tucker is the problem could show up again
Rich: Not if he takes his meds.
John: But then you have McKinney if he implodes again.
Fred: that's right
Rich: In what way?
John: What way what?
Rich: In what way could McKinney implode?
John: Tucker implode, not McKinney
Rich: Oh
John: Follow along Rich
Barry: Try to keep up here
Rich: Those damn dangling participles.
Barry: Taylor leaves 'em dangling, that's for sure.
Rich: Hey
John: No comment. Family chat
Barry: I'd dangle them too, if I knew what they were
Fred: I like the depth right now
John: The depth is getting there.
Fred: now, if we just had LeChuck
Rich: The OL depth will be the best it's been since the return.
John: True dat Rich

Barry: 3. Kellen Winslow, Leigh Bodden, and Eric Steinbach were all off the field or riding bikes when the OTAs began. As trusted servants of the public's right to know, do any of those absences set off your journalistic "it's worse than they're saying" Spidey Senses?

Rich: No.
John: Not one bit.
Rich: No.
Rich: And no.
Fred: Steinbach was on the field in the lineup. no though
Rich: If they're doing that midway through training camp in a few months, that's another story.
Barry: I read somewhere that Winslow would miss the entire year. Huh. OK, if you guys say so.
Rich: Where did ya read that?
Barry: On the interwebs. Alright, let's focus on some positives.

4. Name one or more things which looked or sounded particularly GOOD during the team's first open OTA session.

I'll take a pass on that.
John: They are OTAs and nobody has been hurt or injured. Yet.
Rich: My corrective vision ain't that good.
Fred: the defense picked off a lot of passes while I watched (QBs weren't very good)
Rich: What John said.
John: OTAs are a lot like UDFAs
Barry: Basically doomed?
Barry: Unlikely to be interesting?
John: Basically irrelevant.
Barry: Ah, gotcha
Rich: What John said.
Fred: I'm lost
Rich: What Fred said.
John: Installing the offense is what's important, not how they are doing while they are in installation mode.
Barry: Alright, my take was what Fred said. Sounded like the DBs were on the ball.

Barry: 5. The team issued a press release earlier this week that front office exec Bill Rees left the organization to be with his family. Ignoring whether or not this is factually true, do you see this as something normal or a sign that the Browns front office has an element of chaos about it?

John: No. Big. Deal.
Fred: no.
Rich: Chaos potentially on the horizon.
Rich: Who brought Rees here? Phil Savage. And now he's gone.
Rich: Gotta make you wonder just what's going on here.
Fred: Phil told me draft day he was bringing in another scout from the Ravens
Barry: Shockingly, I agree with Rich here.
Rich: Can I change my story?
Barry: We only see the 20% of the iceberg above the surface.
Rich: If that.
Barry: I was trying to keep my analogies scientifically accurate. It's more like 2% with this team.
Barry: OK, an even split, 2-2.
John: People move constantly. No need to magnify a non-story.
Rich: In what way was it a non-story? They flat-out perveracated on the reason he left.
John: Hold on, gotta hit
Rich: Lied.
John: Thanks Merriam.
Rich: Didn't tell the truth.
Barry: Obfuscated
Rich: What Barry said.
Fred: Ditto
John: Huh?
Rich: They could have come up with a better story than that.
John: Why? Teams lie constantly.
Barry: That's standard dignity-preserving boilerplate.
John: My head hurts...
Rich: Bayer, John, Bayer.
John: Beer, Rich, beer

With our vocabularies expanded, it's time for the LIGHTNING ROUND!
Barry: All multiple choice. Position your fingers over the keys A through E
Rich: OK.

Barry: 1. Charlie Frye believes he is still the Cleveland Browns starting quarterback. Is this (A) confidence based on trust of the team's coaching staff, (B) a brave front, or (C) a potentially worrisome psychological delusion?
Rich: c
Fred: c
John: B
Barry: I was going to call it a "Dilfer-esque" delusion.
Rich: That, too.
Rich: No it's not.
John: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!
Barry: BTW, I actually define the correct answers before the chat, just so you know I don't play favorites.
John: What's Chuck supposed to do?
Fred: he's now dilfer and quinn is in the frye position
Barry: Exactly, but I don't expect any post-game tantrums.

Question 2 requires that you must have some knowledge of the Vick / Portis situation, but I assume you've all read about it.
John: Woof
Barry: 2. TONIGHT'S LOGIC PUZZLE: Dogfighting is to Michael Vick's off-field promotional opportunities as Clinton Portis is to (A) Redskins season ticket sales, (B) Feel-good NFL Network news stories, or (C) the prevention of migraine headaches in the fontal lobes of NFL media relations managers.

John: C
Fred: b
Rich: Is that fontal or frontal lobes?
Barry: Fontal lobes. Effects their use of Microsoft Word.
Rich: Damn. Taylor is 2 for 2.
John: (patting myself on the back)
Fred: don't hurt yourself
Barry: An early lead, and question three is a prime Taylor question.
John: (ooops, pulled a muscle)

3. Chris Gardocki was booted off the Pittsburgh Steelers today, three years after being similarly booted from the Cleveland Browns.
John: True
Barry: Who was the SECOND-most valuable organizational asset during the Chris Palmer Browns era: (A) Kevin Johnson, (B) Jamir Miller, (C) Tim Couch, (D) the United Beer Vendors of America, Local 203, or (E) Alpohead and Muttface, or whatever the loveable costumed dogs were named who distracted young children from the horrific carnage that was put before them?
Rich: Phil Dawson
John: D, in a runaway
Fred: b
Rich: OK, d.
John: It's not even close
Rich: Probably E
John: I will consider myself three-for-three-, regardless of the "correct" answer.
Barry: Probably should have included Dawson. Miller probably would be the best answer, but I designated the correct answer as (D) based on personal experience.
Fred: i tried to be serious
John: I was being serious as well Fred
Barry: I'll give credit for both B and D.
Rich: That can sometimes be fatal, Fred.
Fred: i know, but i don't drink
Rich: Welcome to the club.
John: You a French or Russian judge Barry?

Barry: Alright, now to request your analysis of guys who are fourth on the depth chart.
Barry: 4. Odds the Ken Dorsey is still with the Browns in November 2007, as either a player or coach: (A) Zero percent, (B) 25%, (C) 50%, (D) 75%, (E) 99.9%
Rich: a
John: a
Rich: Ha
John: Still quick in yer old age
Fred: a
Rich: Let's not go over that again.
John: :-)
John: Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Rich: Based on what?
John: Dorsey fits this new offense as well as I do.
Barry: Based on the the potential if pre-season injuries to one other QB, allowing him to hang on as the third QB
John: Wow.
Fred: His only hope is injury or that Chud remembers him from college or has photos of him
Rich: Yer basing this on the Browns hiring him as a coach?
Rich: The only way he hangs on is if the Browns move Frye or Anderson.
Barry: I'm also basing it on his ability to help the team outside of actually playing. If that's as a guy to help Quinn or a coach, yeah.
John: Got two words for ya Barry: "off the reservation"
Fred: If any one of them plays like him, they should be shot
John: lmao Fred
Rich: Dont cha mean "offthe reservation?"
John: No, I'm just not good at math either

Barry: 5. Do you feel that all multiple choice questions during the lightning round is (A) a healthy and appropriate convenience, (B) annoyingly restrictive or (C) a sign of the utter emotional and intellectual bankruptcy on the part of the chat's host?
Rich: c
Fred: c
John: c
Rich: Make it unanimous John
John: OK, so I was five-for-five. I rock.
Rich: Spoils your perfect score, John.
Barry: Alright, based on the positive feedback, we'll keep multiple choice in the lightning round.
Fred: i was five for 4
Rich: What Fred said.
John: I woulda said "D. Laziness on the part of the moderator".
Rich: Works for me.
Barry: OK, sorry for the lack of serious questions. T'ain't easy to come up with ten questions in May.
John: Hey, OTAs are huge, remember? Lotta material there.
Rich: If you think May was tough, wait'll June.
Barry: I can just hope that we have something interesting soon. I did, however, avoid NFL Europe.
Rich: Good move.
John: For that, you have my thanks Barry
Fred: We'll get an injury story pretty soon
Barry: Probably true, unfortunately.
John: Thanks for the downer Fred
Fred: my family calls me debbie downer
John: lol
Rich: No lovely parting gifts?
Barry: No, I'm still peeved that you all missed the last two questions.
Rich: As always, Shalom.
Barry: OK, that's a wrap, folks.

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