Death Chat 2007: Cranky Media Edition

Death chats are always risky for all involved, but even more so when folks show up cranky. And, yes, there was crankiness as the gang kicked around thoughts after OTA practice number two...

Barry: Hey guys
Rich: 'bout time.
Fred: The big jt
John: Sorry, had sixth-grade math homework to correct. Fifth grade was so much easier
Fred: the grand slam is here
Barry: Alright, let's do this thing.

1. Alright, let's deal with this. For some reason, there's a lot of interest in Brady Quinn's mechanics. Speculate on why a throwing style sufficient for Charlie Weis and Notre Dame is inadequate for the NFL.
Fred: Coaches justifying their jobs or they do it better
John: It's a BS argument perpetuated by some "insiders".
Rich: It's all a matter of teaching. One guy show it one way, another shows it his way. Remnember when Chris Palmer changed the way Tim
Couch threw the ball?
Barry: That worked out great for both Palmer and Couch
Rich: Yeah. Both bombed.
John: His mechanics are fine. They might need tweaked, but everybody's does.
Barry: I'm with Fred on this one... I think there are just so many coaches these days that they all have to find something to do.
Rich: Quinn will be fine. He's smart enough and savvy enough to pick up on these things.
Fred: I watched Chud yelling at guys, to me, just to show he was in charge
John: Rack Passan.
Rich: Yeah, but down deep, he really loves them.
Barry: If Scherer really wants a challenge, turn Dorsey into an NFL QB
Rich: Not even Paul Brown could do that.
Fred: he looked the best of the four Tuesday
John: OTAs, Fred, OTAs
Barry: Actually he looked pretty good, but he was against rookie free agent level competition
Rich: Let's not get too excited above these contrived practices.
Fred: i'm not reading anything into it. I just said what I saw
John: You mean those players you got excited about two weeks ago Barry?
Barry: They cut the one I was excited about
Rich: Yeah. Anyone in favor of eliminating OTAs?
Fred: let's go back to the days of fall only football
Rich: They prove nothing.
John: I'm in favor of eliminating the dissecting of OTAs like they're the Super Bowl.

Barry: 2. MATH STORY PROBLEM: A week after showing up a day late to the OTAs, Braylon Edwards practiced with the third team in front of the alert eyes of the assembled media. Assign rough percentages (summing to 100%) of how much of this move was (A) Punitive, (B) Demonstrating that RAC is in command, and (C) Actually because Edwards is behind learning the playbook.
Rich: (D) None of the above.
Fred: Just showing BE who's in charge
John: An attempt at (B)
Rich: It's the OTAs for crying out loud.
Barry: You mean that putting Braylon with the third team meant absolutely nothing?
Rich: Anyone really believe Braylon will work with the third team in training camp?
Fred: window dressing
Barry: Of course not, but there was some sort of message there, or he wouldn't have done it.
Rich: Less than a slap on the wrist. More like a belt behind the head.
John: Barry: come July, yes.
Rich: Message, schmessage.
Rich: One more time: THESE ARE THE OTAs.
Barry: Man, you guys are cranky. Cranky, cranky, cranky.
Barry: Fred's in a decent mood, but you other two just seem testy about the tenor of my brilliant questions.
John: I gotta side with Rich on this whole OTA BS.
Rich: This argument isn't worth arguing about.
Fred: it's a joke
Rich: i thought you were a baritone.
John: FU McBride
Barry: LOL
Barry: Alright then, moving on.
Fred: is that like fu manchus?

3. The New York Times and various other sources today reported that Mark Cuban is among investors looking to launch another professional football league. After the failures of the USFL and XFL, do you think the third time will be the charm?
Rich: No
Rich: Way
Rich: Jose
Fred: no
John: Lemme think... nope.
Fred: the usfl would have worked until the Trumps started bidding on players like Herschel Walker
Rich: Just another way of keeping his name out there.
John: The USFL woulda worked if some owners didn't want the season moved to the fall to compete with the NFL head-to-head
Barry: Because the NFL is so good, or because there's only so much football the world needs?
Rich: The latter.
John: Both Barry
Fred: Rich, I worked with the Arizona Wranglers and helped the Browns get Minnifield.
Rich: The USFL owners actually won that lawsuit, if you'll recall. And won $3 in damages.
Barry: Remember that...
Rich: actually
Barry: If the XFL didn't work three years after Cleveland and Houston getting backstabbed, I guess this won't either.
Rich: And that was treble damages.
Rich: I'm surprised the XFL lasted as long as it did.
Barry: They had a TV network backing them from Day one and still failed.
Fred: the USFL was the best place for the Browns to get players. Mack, Johnson, Fike, Minnifield, McNeil
Rich: I think they might be looking for a nice tax writeoff.
John: Or become a minor league for the NFL
Barry: Shame. Oh, well. I wish 'em luck. I'd like the NFL to have to compete with someone.
Barry: Noting how much the NFL loves open competition.
John: Amen Mr. McBride
Rich: The NFL doesn't need a minor league. It's already got one. It's called college.
John: Shut up with your salient arguments Passan
Barry: Yeah, and it's completely free of expenses for them, Rich. Good arrangement.

4. We saw Syndric Steptoe, Josh Cribbs, and Brandon "Let it Roll" McDonald shagging punts yesterday at camp. Noting that other candidates like Sean Jones, Tim Carter and others might be in the mix, give us your pre-season favorite for the team's punt return job.
Fred: Cribbs
John: Steptoe, just because I like typing his name.
Rich: Probably Steptoe and Eric Wright.
Barry: Oh, I should mention Antonio Perkins too
Rich: Please don't.
Fred: don't bother
Barry: Not that he was shagging punts, but I need to mention his name until he leaves.
Rich: OK, go ahead.
Barry: He was playing CB on the third team, in the same def backfield as Jeremy LeSeuer.
Fred: and Jereme Perry
Rich: That means he was defending Edwards?
Barry: You can't defend Edwards, Rich.
Barry: But I think he's behind Therrian Fontenot on the depth chart.
Rich: What in the world did Savage see in this guy to draft him in the fourth round?
Barry: A red helmet, I think.
Fred: oklahoma
Rich: The same kind that Brodney Pool wore?
Barry: Same one, Rich

OK, our last QB question of the day.
Barry: 5. After two OTA sessions, with a third and a mini-camp dawning, let's play "Rank the QBs". List them from 1-4 in terms of their readiness to start.
Rich: Anderson, Frye, Quinn, Dorsey
Fred: frye, anderson, quinn and dorsey
John: Anderson/Quinn, Anderson, Quinn, Frye
Fred: what about the facade at OL, put Thomas at LT and get on with it.
Barry: Hear, hear
Rich: Of course.
Barry: Stop wasting time. Get him in there and let him go.
Rich: Why not?
Fred: that's why I call it a facade. They pretend Shaffer has to lose the job. What a joke
Rich: None of this BS. Throw him in there, let him make his mistakes, learn from them and then go on and play for the least the next 10
Barry: BTW, I think Rich's ordering is the right one right now. I'd put Anderson slightly ahead of Frye.
Rich: At least the next 10 years.

OK, hang onto your hats, fellas.
Barry: 1. Name the precise date that you will tire of hearing that the defense is ahead of the offense because the offensive scheme is new: (A) 5/30 (B) 6/15 (C) 7/1 (D) 7/28 (E) 9/4
Rich: yesterday
Fred: b
John: 5/23
Barry: You guys keep going outside the listed parameters of the questions.
Barry: (Sad shake of head)
John: Expand your parameters
Fred: i didn't
Rich: That sentence should be eliminated from the coachspeak manual.
John: Me and Rich are cranky, remember...
Barry: I'm not providing correct answers this week, because I believe the best writing leaves an element of mystery.

2. The Browns hope to get a contribution from two of their 2006 mid-to-late picks in this year. Of (A) Travis Wilson, (B) Isaac Sowells, (C) DeMario Minter, and (D) Jerome Harrison, pick the two you think will make the most significant contribution during the upcoming

Rich: Wilson and Harison.
Fred: harrison and wilson
Barry: (Waiting for Taylor to list Lawrence Vickers)
Rich: Harrison
John: B and D
Rich: Sowells doesn't stand a chance.
John: Based on OTAs Rich?
Barry: I saw Minter in as the nickel back with the first team and the gunner on punt coverage. Just sayin.
Fred: i think minter has a chance
Rich: Why not? Seth McKinney and/or Ryan Tucker.
Fred: tucker at rg
John: All I'm saying is to not discount Sowells.
Barry: He was the second team RG in practice.
Rich: Minter's biggest problem is his hands. Made only one interception in college.
Barry: Then again, Keg Hoffman was the second team LG
Rich: Sowells is not good enough to crack the starting lineup.
Barry: If we wanted interceptions and nothing else, Earl Little's number would be retired. Harrumph.
John: You know that how Rich?
Rich: McKinney is a far better player. So is Tucker. Who is Sowells gonna beat out and why?
Barry: Because Coleman and Andruzzi somehow started every game last year. Yikes.
Fred: can't have enough depth
John: No, you answer why Sowells is not good enough. I wann know what that is based upon.
Rich: What does that have to do with Steinbach, McKinney and Tucker?
Barry: FYI, Crennel said we won't really know if McKinney is healthy until there's contact.
Rich: Lennie Friedman is better than Sowells.
Barry: This is the lightning round, but I like watching people argue...
John: Stop just throwing shit out there Rich. Explain how you've come to this conclusion.
Rich: John, do you think Sowells is better right now than the aforementioned?
John: I think he has the "potential" to be. And I think I agree with the coaching staff that he will hit that mark sooner rather than later.
John: I think he holds serve against both McKinney and Tucker at RG RIGHT NOW, based on talent
Rich: You know what I think about potential. Charlie Frye had potential to be a good quarterback. Potential, to my way of thinking, means
you're not good enough.
John: No, he doesn't Rich. That's a crock.
Rich: Based on what talent?
John: And you don't believe that for a nano-second.
Fred: Phil drafted him with the idea of being a starter in the second or third year. I haven't seen enough of him to have an opinion
Barry: Alright. I personally see Sowells as the mutant offspring of Chris Crocker and Enoch Demar.
Barry: He's an IU lineman no one expected to be good, and the Browns think they're clever because they drafted him with another
position in mind.
Rich: The only reason Sowells make this team is Savage is holding out hope for him to blossom.
John: The high-ankle sprain and switching positions slowed his development. Just don't shortchange him Rich.

Barry: 3. What most accurately describes your reaction when you learned on Tuesday that Leon Williams had off-season ankle surgery (A) Unsurprised (I know all, see all), (B) Shocked (SHOCKED!) that the Browns would not freely give out this information (C) Surprised that we didn't learn he had been hit by a Buick.
Fred: a
Rich: (D) All of the above
John: All three
John: Haha, beat ya Old Man
Rich: No ya didn't.
Rich: Check it out.
Barry: I don't recall providing (D) as an option, but I'm getting used to the improvisation.
John: Plus, I capitalized both "old" and "man" to show some respect for the elderly.
John: Errrr, aged.
Rich: Upper case, lower case, makes no difference.

Barry: 4. Given that the USFL had Donald Trump, the XFL had Vince McMahon, and the UFL has Mark Cuban, name the most likely reality show to be created by the proposed UFL: (A) "So You Think You Can Long Snap?", (B) "Communal Shower Idol", (C) "Is Anyone Here Smarter than a Fifth Grader?", (D) "Jesse Palmer: The Starter"
Fred: d
John: A
Rich: (D) All of the above
John: LMAO!!!
Barry: Dammit! He's unstoppable!
John: Shouldn't it be (E), though?
Barry: That would be (E), troublemaker
Rich: You forgot "Dancing with the Owners"
John: He forgot it for a reason.
Barry: Alright, lets' finish this

Barry: 5. How disappointed are you that I can't come up with a decent fifth lightning round question: (A) Not at all, because I support our publisher regardless of how stupid he is, (B) Mildly, because I just love these freaking things more than life itself (C) Extremely, because as a member of the media I'm supposed to get cranky about darn near everything.
Rich: A solid (A)
Barry: Thanks Rich. That's the correct answer
Fred: a
John: (E)
Barry: That translates to (C) for me, you crank.
Rich: Do I get the evening's lovely paring gift?
John: Rich is cranky?
Barry: Being invited back next week is gift enough.
Fred: Indians 8,sox 2
Rich: 'bout time
Barry: That's why Jeff isn't here. He's bumming about his Sox.
Barry: Alright, that's a wrap folks. We'll try this again next week.
Fred: good night
John: Loads of fun. Loads.
Barry: Later!
Rich: As always and forevermore, Shalom, guys.

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