|Kendrell Bell won't play, which breaks my freaking heart. Steelers suck.||No matter how much you fiddle with it, you can't make these weather graphics say Pittspuke instead of Pittburgh|
|EVENTS AND INFORMATION|
CBS television, including channel 19 in Cleveland. Gus Johnson and Brent "I hate the Browns" Jones will do the playcalling.
The game will be broadcast live on appoximately 15% of all CBS Stations. Steelers suck.
The game will be broadcast on DirectTV NFL packages. Steelers suck.
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This week, we're in pretty good shape, unless you count Jamir Miller being out for the whole year. Chris Akins, Dave Wohlabaugh, Brant Boyer and Roger Chanoine are listed as being "questionable" Of the four, it would surprise me the most to see Chanoine get a lot of time because of what Gildon did to him last year. Tucker will play as much as he can there. Wohlabaugh might show up at center, but O'Hara will start.. Tucker and Alvin McKinley are probable.
Kendrell Bell won't play for the Squeelers, and other than that I don't care because no Squeelers are on my fantasy league team. Then again, Cowher lied to his team about the Browns disrespecting them in 1999, so I have to assume he would lie to us about who is injured. This is because Cowher is a Steeler, and all Steelers suck.
Game Preview Thing
There's a old Star Trek episode where the original crew (Jim, Bones, and Spock) have the unforunate happenstance to wind up on Harvey Denton Mudd's planet of robotic space-babes. To escape, they have to basically get the robots brains into an endless logical loop which causes them to freeze up with their heads cocked on one side.
They do it in the following way:
Kirk says to a robot: "Everything Spock says is a lie".
The Spock goes up to the robot and says "I'm lying".
This causes the robot, which was apparently programmed to be amazingly stupid to freeze up and be rendered harmless. Since all the robots are connected by some sort of wireless network, all of them are frozen and the brave trio of explorers, and maybe even a few red-shirt guys, are able to escape.
What does this have to do with the game? Precious little, except that I've basically been wrong about everything I say here. Figuring I might be able to use this to my advantage, I will now predict that the Steelers will win. If the connection between my prediction and the opposite thing happening holds true, that means that good things will happen today.
However, if this column is defined by being consistently wrong, this it would have to be wrong about being wrong as well. But, if I'm wrong about being wrong, then I would be be right, which I can't be because I'm always wrong and and and and and and --- SYSTEM ERROR ABNORMAL TERMINATION
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