Taylor's Tales From A Notebook

If you like your post-game reviews unfiltered, raw and full of non-PC diatribes, John Taylor has you covered. If that's not your cup of tea? Too bad, don't click on the link that may lead you to a potential RAC/DA resolution and some sort of BS that may explain this car wreck of a season. Again, click at your own risk...

(WARNING: if the Seven Dirty Words offended your delicate senses, stop reading now. Right now. If naughty words gets your boxers and/or panties in a bunch, stop reading now. Right now. The times we are in the midst of calls for being real, and the following is as real and raw as it gets. Wade through it at your own peril.)

-- The photo for this story says it all. Couch it however you'd like. Throw out that injury excuse as a thread-bare lifeline to those flailing in the churning sea. Rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic to whatever configuration makes you feel most comfortable and allows you to think you have even the remotest of chances to survive the inevitable death-by-drowning. Your captain and first mate are in over their collective heads, and the violinists are warming up on the Acapulco deck.

-- Now that I think about it, even the word "embarrassment" does not do justice when it comes to this game specifically and the 0-3 start in general. "Debacle" doesn't even cut it. Nope, not even close. I don't know that I have the words to describe this start coming off a 10-6 season. I'm perplexed, chagrined, ver klempt, pissed, irate, non-plussed, etc. etc. etc.. The whole steaming pile of fresh game results is on the table and I'm no longer hungry, for some reason.

-- Right here, right now, one of the following needs to come to an end: either the Romeo Crennel Era or the Derek Anderson Era. At least one of the two. Randy Lerner and Phil Savage, the ball's in your court. Won't you come out and play with the paying customers? People do actually pay for this shit, ya know. They keep paying and paying and paying and paying for their team. And paying yet again, like morons to the flame. And for what? To be dick-teased into thinking this "head" "coach" is capable of more than folding his arms on a Sunday afternoon, or that the "quarterback" can do more than crumple into the fetal position when adversity stares him straight in the face?

-- If it ain't broke, don't fix it; if it's broke, fix the mother fucker on the fly. This team is broke. It needs to be repaired. It needs something more than the tinkering a Joe Horn or Ty Law would temporarily bring. So, what do you do when you begin the process of repairing something? You first identify the faulty parts, and then you get rid of them. A couple of key gears in this machine are missing several teeth. Time for Lerner and Savage and the organization as a whole to throw on their mechanic's overalls, grab some wrenches, and start torquing on some shit.

-- But, no, we'll probably get the GM spinning away on the team's official mouthpiece/cheerleader Thursday, putting a smiley face on this turd of a season. He'll put the lipstick on this pig of a season, but it'll still be breakfast come Friday morning for those that have any sense. Injuries blah blah blah cohesion blah blah blah timing blah blah blah. WTF ever, Cleveland Browns. Woe is me my ass. Now that we are into Year Four of the new regime, woe is us. Deal with it and save your pithy phrases for a fan base whose give-a-damn ain't real close to being busted.

-- Stupid penalties, players losing their cool on the field, players losing their cool in the locker room, players giving up in the third quarter, a 0-3 record. Yup, RAC has that 53-man well under his thumb. There's no institutional loss of control of this runaway Amtrak. The engineer is large and in charge. And texting while he's got the throttle in his meaty palms.

-- Car wreck pic. Titanic reset. Train disaster reset. Yeah, this thing is good to go three games in.

-- 20-31 as an NFL head coach. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

-- I get the sense that, if Matt Millen were wearing a headset and prowling NFL sidelines on Sundays, he'd have a similar record next to his name. With just as much insulation from his enablers.

-- Hey, Web Dork Extraordinaire, you still have your RAC tent set-up in that "laughable" camp? MFROTMFFLMMFATFO!!!

-- Here's a text I received at about 11:30 tonight, from a person very inside the organization: "lerner is PISSED. Maybe more to follow." The all-caps are his, not mine. Take it for what it's worth.

-- First 10 starts of 2007: 7-3 record; 21 TDs; 13 INTs; 87.32 QB rating; 337 attempts; 197 completions; 2574 yards; 58.5 comp. %; TD every 16.1 attempts; INT every 25.9 attempts

Last 8 starts since: 3-5 record; 9 TDs; 14 INTs; 56.56 QB rating; 255 attempts; 129 completions; 1434 yards; 50.6 comp. %; TD every 28.3 attempts; INT every 18.2 attempts

-- Just thought I'd throw that out there as well.

-- "Water finding its level" comes to mind for some reason.

-- And thank the Good Lord Above for Trip. And roster bonuses.

-- Were people calling for Chud's head the last five games of last year? I'll answer that with a "hell" and a "no" and however many exclamation points you deem suitable. Why is this current offensive situation a growing pocket for fan dissent, then? The OC didn't suddenly lose his ability to call a game; a QB meandering to his level, though, would kill many a playbook.

-- Yeah, it's simplistic, but there is something wrong with Anderson. Throwing into triple coverage and damn-near getting your tight end killed? Check. Not seeing the safety baiting and crouching? Check. Josh Cribbs wide open for a TD if you put just a smidge of air under and touch on the football? Check. He's off – waaay off – and it's killing this offense. It's killing them, Petey. While the Browns say there's nothing physically ailing the quarterback, he is simply not the same player he was in the early stages of 2007. And if it's not physical, what does that leave? Check-fucking-mate.

-- I have no idea if Brady Quinn is the answer. I really don't. How could I or anyone make that case given the fact that he's not been given a chance to prove one way or the other? What I do know is Anderson, with each passing game, is proving he's closer to being a flash-in-the-pan than he is to the long-term answer at the position. Something needs to be done at the QB position; either DA needs to seriously ramp-up his game, or the Browns need to pull the trigger on a switch.

-- The status quo was acceptable after the first game. It was somewhat bearable after the second. Now? The status quo is unconscionable. Changes need to be made.

-- Four more primetime games remaining on the schedule. Just thought I'd throw that out there as well.

-- Memo to Browns fans: the offensive line is not the issue. Unless your QB needs to have his jersey unlaundered for seventeen straight weeks, which seems to be the current case. Move on and look elsewhere for excuses.

-- Get Jerome Harrison the ball, and he simply makes plays. Whoda thunk it? For the last 2+ years, I guess I should've been beating that drum so far into the ground it pissed off the Chinese. And then he disappears??? Disappears???

-- Helluva play call by Chudzinski, by the way. Well-designed and great execution by the entire offense on Harrison's touchdown.

-- With a lot of the focus on the underutilization of Harrison, some have forgotten about the talent of Lawrence Vickers. Including the Browns. The fullback showed today that he deserves some more touches on Sundays. This team has a wealth of weapons, and it's up to Chudzinski to put the players into a position to make plays. And for Anderson to make the plays when they are.

-- Memo to Braylon Edwards: receptions aren't like offensive rebounds in the NBA. You don't get credit for each tip of the football you make on one pass.

-- And you are such a wannabe poser, #17. You are just like your current QB. You need everything to be damn-near perfect in order to have some success. Prance and preen with that gashed-foot crutch for all it's worth, but your chickens are all around the roost and longing for home. I'm thinking the flash in that pan might have a couple of reflections.

-- That being said, whoever pins that last INT on Braylon doesn't know football. Fight for position on a football that's thrown yards ahead of the intended receiver? Bust Braylon's balls for a lot of things, but not for that.

-- With 2:20 left in the first half, Kellen Winslow catches his first pass. If I'm not mistaken, that was the first time he had even been looked at in the first 27 minutes of the game. For this offense to be successful, that simply cannot become a trend.

-- Don't look now, but Brodney Pool is very quietly putting together a very, very solid season and going a long way in proving his worth as a first-day NFL draft pick.

-- Andra Davis missed a couple of tackles and was slow to react in several cases? Consider me flummoxed at that development.

-- Dainty, you sure you didn't hurt yourself squatting when you went to take a leak? I'm just thinking out loud and trying to get a handle on this whole pre-game warm-up injury thing. Nothing personal.

-- Say what you will about Willie McGinest's level of play at this point in his career, you have to admire the veteran linebacker coaching-up Alex Hall – making his first NFL start – on the sidelines on numerous occasions. And that's exactly why Crennel loves having a player like McGinest on his roster. He brings a lot to this team that most people don't see or realize.

-- Stepped on DA's foot, costing the Browns a down and loss of yardage. A false start following Mike Adams' interception, putting the team in a deep down-and-distance hole in Rats territory from which they couldn't recover. Not exactly a resume'-building day, eh Rex Hadnot?

-- Speaking of Adams, and the INT notwithstanding, the Browns really need for Sean Jones to return posthaste.

-- Seth McKinney, you are better than that. You more than anybody else knows that as well.

-- Said it before and I'll say it again: more Alex Hall, please.

-- Line of the Night, courtesy of my wife following one of Anderson's interceptions: "DA stands for ‘dumb ass', doesn't it?"

-- Those Coors Light commercials will never, ever get old.

-- Whatever Browns. Whatever. This 2008 recording is strictly vinyl, while most of the NFL is trumping you with lasers and discs and shit. But, keep having your DJ slap that needle on the ol' '45, thinking it'll sound fresh and hip next week. Yup, that'll work. Get Magic 105 on the line, stat!

-- "That's not football, Daddy, that's the Browns."

-- Still prescient, still utterly true.

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