Taylor's Pregame 12-Pack

Never before has a Phil Collins lyric meant so much to so few. You'll understand what the heck that means after digesting the latest from a man who dives onto a 12-pack no matter the record...

Thoughts, notes, questions, suggestions and random snottiness as the Cleveland Browns continue to stumble aimlessly and drunkenly toward the end of the 2008 season with a Monday Night "showdown" with the Philadelphia Eagles.

  • I won't be there no more
    So get out of my way.
    Let me by
    I got better things to do with my time
    I don't care anymore
    Do you hear? I don't care anymore
    I don't care no more
    You listening? I don't care no more
    No more!

  • Ken Dorsey is the quarterback. There will be a new head coach in 2009. There could be a major front-office shakeup as well. Tell me again why should I care about what happens on the field not only tonight, but for the remaining two games as well? The games simply don't matter anymore, and that's a serious indictment of the entire organization coming off of last season's ten wins.

  • On a brighter note, at least the Browns have a head coach who will use the last three games to play the youngsters and give the new head coach a better idea of what he may or may not have on his hands. What's that? They don't? Shit. Never mind. Well then, nope, still no compelling reason to watch other than the fact that it's my "job" and Boss McBride insists on "covering" these meaningless travesties.

  • Browns Football 2008: Catch the Fever As We Are Not The Lions Or Bengals… Yet!

  • How bad has this season gone off the rails? I sometimes find myself pondering the following question: "What would this organization be like if Butch Davis had a Phil Savage in the front office instead of Pete Garcia?" And you know what? I've talked myself into thinking that wouldn't be too shabby of a combo. In related news, I picked the wrong week to quit shooting-up heroin.

  • There is no truth to the rumor that the Browns – with a nod toward Al Davis' motto for the Oakland/Los Angeles/Oakland Raiders – will have a new name on the door for the remainder of the regular season: "Commitment To Excrement". Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all the week. Don't forget to tip your veal and try the waitress.

  • Romeo A. Crennel's Knute Rockne moment for the week ending 12-14-08, when talking about first-year linebacker Alex Hall's lack of production of late: "Sometimes, what happens with young players in this league is they hit a wall. That's happening to some degree with Alex and some of the other young players." What "other young players" are you referring to, Romeo A. Crennel? Beau Bell, Martin Rucker, Jerome Harrison? Wouldn't these young players have to actually be on the field for an extended period of time before they would ever hit some type of imaginary rookie wall? Shoot me or shoot RAC; either way, fire away and put one of us out of this misery.

  • "Given how his four-year administration in Cleveland has gone, shouldn't he have used something from Jimmy Carter?" – an unnamed league front office source, talking about general manager Phil Savage closing out his press conference earlier this month with a Franklin Delano Roosevelt quote.

  • I get the feeling Romeo A. Crennel is very pleased that Jerome Harrison will miss tonight's game with a rib injury. Now, with him sidelined, there's no need to try to squeeze in some playing time for a talented running back. There'll be no questions or second-guessing the amount of touches The Ghost received. Congrats, coach. You got over on this one.

  • Browns fan Mike Meredith has a court date tomorrow for driving an unregistered couch from the Muni Lot to the Stadium before the Browns' loss to the Texans on Nov. 23. Two questions immediately came to mind upon reading this article. One, what combination of legal and illegal substances went into hatching a plan to motorize furniture? And, two, did the psychiatrist sitting cross-legged in the chair sidecar face any type of legal action as well?

  • Evelyn Jean McCullough., born October 18, 1928, died 12-14-2008. RIP, Grandma. Christmas just won't be the same without being able to bust your chops over everything and anything – ball-busting that had you giggling so uncontrollably at every verbal jab that you kept jiggling even after the chuckling had stopped. We will all miss you very, very, very much, you ol' bat. By the way, tell Grandpa nothing has changed as the Browns suck. Still.

    (And the last beer will be left blank, in honor of the dearly departed. Here's to ya, Grandma…)

LAST CALL: Eagles 174, Browns -17. I got better things to do with my time. I don't care anymore… I don't care anymore… I don't care anymore… I don't care anymore…

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