While the AFC North playoff picture has cleared up a bit now that
In an effort to help fans around the AFC North get a better grip on the dizzying array of playoff possibilities, I fed the results of every NFL game from the 2002 season into The Data-matic Factastical Sirk-o-Puter 9000, a machine that is so powerful that it is capable launching upwards of several hundred thousand spy-cam pop-up ads per millisecond. This is the type of lightning-fast, processor-intensive supercomputer used by NASA, which explains why we are always sending tiny cameras into outer space.
After inputting the data into the Data-Matic Factastical Sirk-o-Puter 9000, I am able to share the following...
2002 AFC NORTH PLAYOFF POSSIBILITIES
* Clinched AFC North by defeating the 1976 Buccaneers.
* Can clinch home-field advantage and a chance to lose another AFC Championship Game on their home field with a win AND a loss by
Can clinch a wild card birth by not snatching defeat from the jaws of victory in excruciating fashion at home AND any of the following:
* The Raiders don't throw their helmets on the last play to give the Chiefs an improbable win AND Brett Favre is mummified in duct-tape and stuffed into a Meadowlands janitor's closet allowing the Jets to beat the Packers.
* Priest Holmes doesn't rise from the dead to gain 580 yards from scrimmage to single-handedly defeat
Can clinch a wild card by tying and having a bunch of other crap happening.
Can clinch a wild card by losing and having even more crap in addition to the other crap happening.
Note: In addition to the above crap, there is even more possible crap that can't be determined until a crapload of other crap is analyzed.
Can clinch a wild card by finally executing Brian "Sooper Genius" Billick's offensive game plan semi-properly and therefore putting up a minimum of 60 points to defeat Pittsburgh AND all of the following events occur:
* N.Y. Jets lose to
Can clinch a playoff spot by winning, or even losing for all it matters, provided one of the following events occur:
* Bud Adams relocates the Titans to
* 10 AFC teams fold AND the Bengals are not one of them AND the NFL does not shift any NFC teams to the AFC to take the place of the departed teams.
* The NFL expands the playoff field to include 32 teams AND none of them are Canadian.