Taylor's Pregame 12-Pack

Find that consuming Taylor's 12-Pack and tailgating is the highlight of your Football Sunday? Then that "game" starts. Ugh. Maybe it won't happen again this week, but why take chances? Quick! Read and enjoy now...

Thoughts, notes, questions, suggestions and random snottiness as the Cleveland Browns prepare to get their asses handed to them by prepare to face the Green Bay Packers.

  • OK, lemme make sure everything is in order.  Leading tackler and second-best defensive player lost to a season-ending injury?  Check.  Copious amounts of players hit with flu-like symptoms on a roster that doesn't exactly scream "depth"?  Check.  The defensive back in a beleaguered secondary involved in an early-morning car accident?  Check, check, and check.

  • Yep, this week is exactly what the doctor ordered.  If said doctor answers to the name "Kevorkian".  Or "Mengele".  Yeah, with the exception of the first one, it likely won't have any bearing on the outcome of the game, but is not possible to go through an entire week, you know, normally?  It's like a John Waters movie week-in and week-out, only creepier and less effeminate.

  • If I'm not mistaken, Aaron Rodgers is the most-sacked quarterback in the NFL, having been taken down a total of 25 times in just five games.  Now, I'm not exactly a rocket surgeon when it comes to football, but that statistic would seem to tell me that the Packers are vulnerable to giving up negative plays in their passing game.  Far be it from me to suggest something to someone who knows a helluva lot more football than I do, but I would think this might be an opportunity to put a little bit of pressure on the QB and and disrupt a high-powered offense just a wee bit.

  • I still am having a very hard time wrapping my head around the fact that, in three starts, Derek Anderson has completed 37 of 89 passes (41.6%) for 414 yards, two touchdowns, three interceptions and two lost fumbles.  And a 49.5 QB rating.  And he's still starting.  I understand; it's not all his fault.  But, dayum.  At what point does a good chunk of the accountability for the offensive ineptness be placed on the current starter's shoulders?  In the case of the first starter of the season at that position, it took three games with "better" stats to get a seat on the pine.  Speaking of which…

  • How bad must Brady Quinn blow in order to not be inserted after that collection of statistical ineptness?  I'm fairly certain Quinn is more than capable of averaging a little more than 5 yards per attempt, as opposed to a little less.  I'm also fairly certain that Quinn did indeed blow during his three starts.  Crap, I'm so confused right now.  I'm starting to think about all kinds of odd and off-the-wall stuff.  Speaking of which…

  • I really don't suffer conspiracy theorists well – unless they're involved in the JFK assassination and subsequent cover-up – but I'm starting to get closer to being willing to listen to those who say this is purely a money move on the part of the Browns, that the Browns are attempting to keep Quinn from kicking in the play-time incentives.  There's been nothing I've heard that's anything remotely concrete, but something just doesn't smell like it's on the level.  Paging Mr. Stone.  Paging Mr. Oliver Stone…

  • Seven days after the loss to Pittsburgh, I'm still wondering if Kevin Harlan has STFU yet.  Since when was it part of the job description of a play-by-play man to interject his personal color commentary into his call of a game?  Yeah, I know it's a week after the fact, and it has no bearing on today's game, but it's still bugging the shiite out of me.  And please, for the love of God, tell me that he's not doing the game today.  Please tell me that.  I could go Google it, but I'm afraid at what I might find.

  • I'm praying and pleading to whichever deity is responsible for football that Eric Berry somehow, someway, finds himself in a Browns uniform next season.  I've been vacillating between the Tennessee safety and the Nebraska defensive line beast, Ndamukong Suh, over the last few weeks, and you really couldn't go wrong with either.  But, the latter is "just" a playmaker; the former is a playmaker.  If there is a football on the field, in the air, Berry is around it.  He has an innateness you can't teach, can't coach up.

  • And, yes, I'm well aware of the fact that the Browns are only six games into this season and and the draft is still six months away.  I don't really care.  Get your own damn column if you have a problem with it.

  • What can you say about Josh Cribbs that hasn't already been said before?  As Norm Chad is wont to say, "pay the man, Shirley."  I'm at the front of the line when it comes to players honoring their contracts, but there comes a time when common sense should come into play.  Do the right thing and add some years and guaranteed money/a signing bonus to the man's contract.

  • Why exactly is Rolling Stone magazine and a fake wrestler interested in slamming the Browns?  Better yet, why exactly is anyone concerned about what an outdated publication and a grown man who allows himself to be called "the Miz" has to say?  Has it really come to that in just six games of the Eric Mangini Era?  Hell, why not call up Redbook and get their opinions on the 3-4 versus the 4-3?  Or see what the Professional Cricketers' Association would do at the quarterback position?  This has just gone way beyond ridiculous and has now officially become surreal.

  • Is it 2010 yet?  No?  Sigh…

LAST CALL: Browns 30, Packers 27.  Yep, I just went there.  And I have zero clue why.

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