"Did Vinny finally get swatted", you ask?
You people really overestimate the risk of getting The Big Swat. Sure, that's what you read about in all the papers, but very few of my kind actually bite it that way. Most of us will go years without having to dodge the Giant Slapping Plastic Wall of Death.
By the way, humans, here's a tip if you want to try your hand at swatting. When we sense the swat is coming, we take off backwards, not forwards. It's because of our awesome springy coiled legs.
Even with that info, good luck getting me. There's not a swatter that's been made that I can't flee a millisecond before the "whack" is heard. I love the stupid look on people's faces when they look for a splatted Vinny and see nuthin'. Makes life worth living.
The other thing that makes life worth living are these delicious grape-filled jelly doughnuts that the OBR gang leave outside in the parking lot for me. Some people think it's just because of the doughnuts that I bring the scoop. But that's not true... it's the promise of more even doughnuts next week that keeps me talking.
Here's what I've been hearing:
TUNA SURPRISE: Everyone talks about this guy, but I'll just lay the truth on you. Bill Parcells is OPEN to the idea of taking on a new challenge. Parcells has told friends privately that he's intrigued by the Cleveland situation. Mix that up in a bowl with grumbling that he is not too happy with the new owner of the Dolphins, and you've got the ingredients for a nice dish of tuna surprise. Don't write this off.
CONTACTS, NO CONTRACTS: You'll hear lots of different things from people close to the team, but only a few really know the status of the search for a football Grand Poohbah. Team owner Randy Lerner has discussed numerous candidates as fits for the Cleveland Browns. He hasn't gotten into detailed discussions or negotiations with any candidate, but this could change. Things are not at this stage with anyone right now.
WATCH THE FINE PRINT: Mike Holmgren has told the media that he hasn't talked with Randy Lerner about the Browns job. Come on. Please. The former Green Bay and Seattle head coach or his representative has spoken with Lerner, or a person representing Lerner on behalf of the executive search for the Browns. Let's just say that information has somehow moved from "Point A" to "Point B".
CHARLEY'S BROWNS CHRISTMAS: There will be no Casserly at Christmastime this year. The former Washington and Houston GM has not discussed the VP or GM position with Lerner or anyone associated with the Cleveland Browns.
CHIN MUSIC: Yeah, sure, he plays hard to get. He says he won't talk to teams with a current head coach, and it's suggested that his loyalty to the Rooney family keeps him from considering the Cleveland job. Come what may, though, former Cleveland Browns linebacker and assistant coach Bill Cowher appears headed back to the sidelines in 2010. A source and former teammate of Cowher says the former Pittsburgh head coach really likes Randy Lerner, feels disappointed in the lack of success the Browns have had and has thought about the situation in Cleveland. As with Tuna Surprise, you're wrong if you write this one off.
DEAD COACH WALKING? So... Lerner says that Eric Mangini is sticking around as coach. And Mangini acts as if that's the case, himself. Anyone buying this? Despite the public claim that he expects head coach Eric Mangini to patrol the sidelines again for the team in the 2010 season, team owner Randy Lerner will terminate Mangini, if the right candidate is available. Everyone in the building knows it.