To Coach or Not to Coach

December 5 - Sandy Penner cautions Bucs fans to be careful what some of them wish for when calling for Bucs head coach Tony Dungy's job.

Since everyone and their mother wants Tony Dungy run out of town, I always pose the question "what would you do AD?" That, of course, means after Dungy. The usual response I get is "I dunno, any offensive coordinator will do." No, any offensive coordinator won't do. This team will continue to have Super Bowl expectations whether Dungy is here or not. The short list for fans always includes Bill Parcells, Steve Spurrier and other assorted characters, but it seems to me to be more of making change for change sake than actually doing it to enhance the Bucs chances of winning the Super Bowl.

With that in mind, I figured we needed to rule out some people as candidates if Dungy were to be relieved of his duties. Here's who I WOULDN'T want to coach the Bucs next year.

Jimmy Johnson: Just stay on your boat JJ. Plan B and former Viking GM Mike Lynn should be credited when Jimmy writes his book on how he won two titles.

Bob Davie: Hey, he's unemployed so he wouldn't have to break a contract. If Davie thought South Bend was tough going, wait till he got a load of the Super Bowl or bust Buc fans.

Tom Coughlin: No thanks General Coughlin. His boot camp mentality and no hats at practice would go over as well here as an Afghan blanket in the White House.

Leo Haggerty: No explanation needed.

Ralph Fridgein: Good mind, good coach. Media room doesn't provide enough chow for him to survive without raiding the concession stand on game days.

Dave Campo: We might have to get John Madden to explain to him when to go for 2. But then, who would explain to Madden?

Mike Ditka: Iron Mike is looking more like styrofoam Mike these days with his bad back. Getting him off TV would be a plus, but not quite enough to give him the reins.

Jim Mora: See Leo Haggerty.

Pat Riley: Can you imagine the moussed one in an Armani at RJS. He would be good for a few Gordon Gecko "Art of War" speeches, but otherwise useless.

Barry Switzer: When coaching the Cowboys, Switzer forgot he packed his gun before boarding a plane. Something tells me even after September 11th, he would still forget.

Anyone on the Best Damn Sports Show Period on Fox: I'm not sure there's ever been a more pointless show in the history of sports programming. I always wanted to know from Tom Arnold if getting to where he is today was worth having to sleep with Roseanne.

Gary Crowton: The first year BYU coach is hot stuff with his team being undefeated. Big issue is how he would react to having to coach some players who are under the age of 26.

Marty Mornhinweg: I'm sure he'll have tons of job offers after this train wreck of a season in Detroit. So the Bucs should probably forget about him.

Tim Marcum: A coach is a coach. And he knows the community. Hey, how come there aren't more Arena League to NFL coaching stories!

Bill Walsh: The Niners are 9-2, it must be because of him. And the Panthers are 1-11, that must be George Seiferts fault.

Just remember Dungy bashers, watch what you wish for, you just might get it.


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