Welcome To My World

November 7 - Another installment of Sandy Penner's weekly column. Read what kind of fan reaction Penner received on his post-game radio show last Sunday.

I rarely allow my different worlds to intersect. No, I'm not leading a double life, but when I write my column for PewterReport.com, there is little talk about what went down on my show that week. That's because the wriiten word and the spoken word need to be presented in different ways. Sometimes though, the two nasty worlds coincide and I feel the need to let the readers in to my bizzaro sportstalk world.

The setting is the same each week. The postgame show which I host on The Sports Animal is a fertile ground for naysayers, second guessers, Sunday afternoon QB's and all around experts. The Bucs 7-2 record is barely even worth conversation, but their 7-2 record being meaningless is. Sound confusing, wait till you read the transcript. Remember, the names, towns and subject matter have been altered to protect the innocent and the really stupid.

ME: The Bucs have a good shot to go 13-3. That could very well secure them home field throughout the playoffs which is what we've been talking about for years. Alright, let's see what's going on out there. Frank from Dunedin, you're on the Sports Animal.

FRANK: Hey Sandy, long time listener, first time caller. I don't know where you get off saying the Bucs will be 13-3, they haven't beaten anyone. They're not even that good.

ME: But, the schedule looks great.

FRANK: You're nuts, they might not even beat the Panthers or the Lions. 9-7, maybe.

ME: Terry from Lutz, you're up.

TERRY: Randy, you're on drugs. 13-3.

ME: That's Sandy.

TERRY: Yea, yea, whatever. Listen, the Bucs do this every year and you and everyone else get all pumped up. Then, they lose in the playoffs.

ME: What does last year have to do with this year?

TERRY: (Loud sound of a nacho being eaten followed up by a beer being consumed) Who have they beaten? Nobody. Everybody stinks.

ME: Moving along, John from Safety Harbor, you're on the postgame show.

JOHN: Yea, can I have the number of that sex potion you guys have been hawking.

ME: Tim from Clearwater, you're up.

TIM: I think Shaun King should be QBing. After all, Brad Johnson wasn't even that good today.

ME: Wasn't that good, he had 5 TD passes.

TIM: King would have had 7. Besides, who's Brad Johnson beaten? He can't run. This team will be lucky to win 10 games.

ME: Think about it, who in the NFC is really overwhelming. Everyone has flaws. If the Bucs can get home field throughout the playoffs, you have to like their chances. Who's up next, Bruiser, you're on The Sports Animal.

BRUISER: That's Boozer and I think you're a moron. You act like the Bucs are as good as the Raiders or something.

ME: Boozer, the Raiders are 4-3 and they're down to the Niners right now.

BOOZER: So who do you think would win a game between the Bucs and Raiders.

ME: The Bucs.

BOOZER: No way, you're lame.

ME: Bessy from the Franklin Trailer Park, you're next on WDAE, what's up.

BESSY: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEhaw.

ME: Jed from that street, rescue me please.

JED: Penner, that's fat street and you're the man. You're totally right.

ME: I sure am.

JED: Yea, you're totally right, the Bucs would beat the Raiders, I just did it on Madden 2003 yesterday. And did it because I benched Keyshawn. What a punk he is. And Sapp too. This team will never win until they get rid of those two. Penner, you're breaking up, I don't know what's going on. Dang, one of my 43 Bucs flags on my car just flew off and whacked an old lady right in the face. Got to go.

ME: Doesn't everyone understand this team is 7-2. You should be happy. Sal from Indian Rocks Beach, you're on the Sports Animal.

SAL: Yea, Alstott should get more carries.

ME: Sal, he got 26 today.

SAL: Oh, then Pittman should get more and what about Dunn, he's good to.

ME: He's in Atlanta.

SAL: Well, I like Alstott better anyway. I like whoever's not getting the ball.

ME: Trent from Brandon, talk to me.

TRENT: Hold on, let me blast my radio real loud in the background before we start talking.

ME: Pigskin Phil, you're up next on the Postgame show.

PHIL: Hello, Hello, can you hear me, I'm on a pay phone.

ME: Yes, Pigskin go ahead.

PHIL: Well, I just want to say you're doing a great job and let you know about these Viking fans we had in our section. They were loud and purple and I told them if you don't like it here, go back to Milwaukee.

ME: That's Minnesota, Phil, they're from Minnesota.

PHIL: And you're a Sportstalk host? You don't even know you're states and countries and stuff like that. Milwaukee is where they play, Minnesota is the state they're in. Hey, they got any Wild Turkey where you at.

ME: Thanks to everyone for chiming in today. I will now go home and stick sharpened pencils in my ears. Good night.

Just think what would happen if the Bucs were 3-6.


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