The Chiefs Need to Trample Tampa

A funny thing happened on the way to this column. I saw an interesting thing today. If you check out the Tampa Bay Bucs official website, they have a cute video they produced in honor of Priest Holmes (keep the faith) and his little dog Toto. Yes, I said Toto; Dorothy's dog, from "The Wizard of Oz".

This movie was made in 1939; 65 years ago, and starred actors that by now are mostly dead, but to people living on any of the coasts of the US, it seems like anything associated with Kansas, or Kansas City, or Kansas City, Kansas (especially this one) invariably has something to do with "The Wizard of Oz". In this video, Priest (ktf) is Dorothy and some dog is Toto. They're caught in a tornado and land right on the Buccaneers logo in the middle of Raymond James Stadium.

They know they're in trouble when a few Bucs players are practically drooling on him with excitement. I thought the video was well put together and had great continuity, and great shots of munchkins and cornfields. These "coast-ers" must think that Midwesterners walk around their farms all day in torn overalls with a twig of straw betwixt their teeth, sloppin' hogs, milkin' cows and falling off turnip trucks. I can't remember the last time I was on a farm. I'm sure the smell would jog my memory, though.

They think we are so backwoods that we let the horses inside to have their young-uns so as not to make no mess in the barn. Aren't there any farms in Florida?

Have these fine Floridians never seen a cow? A chicken? A milk-able goat? A rabid 150 pound raccoon that can't find water?

If not, don't they have any zoos in Florida? Surely there must be a milk cow somewhere, standing there looking at them while their many stomachs do the work of chomping cud? What kind of farm animals do they have down there? Alligators? Mosquitoes? Ostriches? God only knows because they sure don't have many chickens.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers aren't having a stellar season thus far. Jon Gruden seems a bit disheveled after his team's 2-5 start in 2004. My paperboy looks like Jon Gruden when he gets mad. Normally I don't, but sometimes I tell the paperboy that his service was horrible not to mention the papers were wet plus I wasn't paying him. I only do this to tick him off because, then, he really looks like Gruden. He doesn't know that's the reason I strong-arm him, and he falls for it every time. After that I usually pay him. Usually. His name is Scott England, and I always ask him if his brother's name is London or Manchester or Liverpool. He NEVER gets it. He says, "no, um, my brother's name is Barry". "Oh", I say. "Are you somehow related to Jon Gruden?" I ask. He says, "huh?" Forget it. It wasn't important anyway.

The Chiefs are verging on a bona-fide win streak. I've always thought you had to win at least 3 games before you were officially on a streak. After that it's known as streaking. These "Arrowhead Aces" collapsed the big NFC tent of the Falcons by de-Vicking them 56-10. They next absorbed Peyton Manning and the Colts like a Brawny paper towel, 45-35.

After these high-scoring games, KC is hoping they've started a new trend of power and domination not seen in this league since, well, since the Chiefs themselves ruled the roost some years back. History has told us many things about this Kansas City Chiefs football team, not the least of which is their resilience and not the most of which is their resolve. Resolve seems to be sneaking up on the Chiefs, no doubt, resulting from their hard work. It's as though they are preparing for something. Keeping their noses to the grindstone, positive they will be living proof of the old adage, "Chance favors the prepared mind."

What it really means is that the more knowledge you possess, the greater your chance for spotting opportunity. "If you truly try your very hardest, luck has a way of happening to you", as spoken by Larry Bird, famous Boston Celtic. If history has taught us anything, it's that any team can be beaten at any time whatever the circumstances. If history from the last two weeks keeps up, the "Jolly Roger" won't be smiling quite so wide after a good old-fashioned skull-whompin'.

My prediction is Kansas City will start their early control of this game by scoring 70 points in the first half! Along with gaining 498 yards to TB's 36, the first half will be a Chiefs masterpiece! In the second half, chaos and madness reign, mostly for the home team, as the Buccaneers self-destruct and fall to the Chiefs, 98-0. All twelve cylinders of this well-oiled machine they call the Kansas City Chiefs were firing today as KC claims victory over Tampa, 98-0. That'll be the headline of the big local newspapers afterward.

Well, maybe they'd cut it down a little. I know it's possible for this to happen, but it's probably just a dream. The dream of thrill-seeking Chiefs nuts worldwide, that is.


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