BREAKING NEWS!!! Sunday Morning Satire

Is that not the phrase all Kansas City Chiefs fans want to hear? With the draft two weeks away, free agency still active and rumors that Terrell Owens might be traded from the Philadelphia Eagles; you have to wonder what's next for our home town team.

In my tenure as Publisher for Warpaint Illustrated, I've spent countless hours chasing down one rumor after the next. I've talked to Insiders, Agents and friends of friends of players who claim they know the inside skinny on everyone from Patrick Surtain to the above mentioned Terrell Owens.

I have to admit its fun and sometimes it makes me laugh some of the e-mails and phone calls that I get from time to time. Though the calls at 3:45 AM that I received a week ago about Surtain coming to Kansas City; did manage to rile my feathers a bit. But still this is what I do and deep in my heart and soul; its one of my biggest passions outside of the family.

As we all wait for the Chiefs and Miami Dolphins to pull the trigger or shoot each other over Patrick Surtain, us fans can only hope that we can indeed report some breaking news the next couple of weeks.

The Surtain deal is one that frustrated fans to no end. I hear you and I read your posts on our every-growing message boards. And I think you're getting sick and tired of some, not all; of the Dolphins posters on our board who claim that Miami can afford to keep Surtain. For the record, sure they can. But if they want to add any other free agents or sign any draft picks; he's the only veteran who can create the cap room. The rest of the veterans are unwilling to help out neither Dolphins Head Coach Nick Saban nor management who has made one terrible move after another the last four years. They are content to stick it to them and keep their cash.

Saban is clearly under experienced in negotiating deals or making trades but in the long run after being schooled by Chiefs President Carl Peterson, he'll eventually learn the best talking is the kind that has his lips never moving. For now he's wearing two hats; one of coach and general manager and that's a Hurricane waiting to happen. It can't be done. You can't be their coach and boss and be successful in the NFL.

Still we fans, and I'm one of you, have to try and spin the Surtain talks so we don't all go CRAZY! It's not easy. It's not easy trying to turn non-believers into believers that this deal will happen; especially when Management in both camps is spilling precise information about the deal so it keeps the fodder going on an on until draft day.

Thus we fans will have to endure another couple of weeks of rumors, inside information and countless posts between the fans of the two clubs. I will say if the deal happens, the NFL would be wise as a payback to the fans to have the Chiefs game at Miami this year is in Prime Time! We've earned it with this deal whichever way it falls.

But as we wait for the Breaking News, we as Chiefs fans will continue with our banter and eventually; as I've already seen in some cases, take it out on each other. That's a shame because we have to stick together. This is the time to unite our passions! We must continue to put pressure on the organization in a kind and respectful manner to show them that we fans want this deal to happen.

Because if not then we'll have to endure more NFL Network stories about Oakland Raiders cornerback Charles Woodson coming to Kansas City. I've never heard anything more preposterous and flat out stupid in all my days being a Chiefs fan. First of all the guy has done NOTHING in the NFL and has always been a trouble maker. He can't even cover average receivers. He's a team cancer and if I'd rather have Dexter McCleon, William Bartee and Julian Battle instead of Woodson.

Still it wouldn't surprise me if that's the BREAKING NEWS we hear this week. Hang on Chiefs fans the ride is far from over!!!


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