Dancing Chiefs?

Remember the Dirty Bird? The Mile High Salute? The Ickey Shuffle, The Bob and Weave? Older fans may remember the Fun Bunch or the Super Bowl shuffle, which deserves it own column by itself. Point is, if the Chiefs are going to make a Super Bowl run they better start thinking about creating the NFL's next dance craze.

As I was watching the television show ‘Dancing with the Stars' the other night, (and by the way if you haven't been watching this show you should, if only for the sheer comedy of Evander Holyfield) it occurred to me that the Chiefs have been missing a vital element to a Super Bowl run: the team celebration. Now, I know some won't agree with me, and frankly I don't care. One cannot deny the importance of a team celebratory dance or gesture when blazing a path to Super Bowl glory.

I'm not saying that they have to get nuts. We don't Lawrence Tynes doing the robot after each extra point or Eric Warfield doing the Cabbage Patch because he batted down a ball. We don't need to see a full interpretive dance accompanied by the Kansas City Civic Orchestra complete with Dante Hall and Jason Dunn performing a figure skating-esque lift spin. Nor do we need to see an eighties style group dance choreographed by Paula Abdul. An endzone celebration should not be an audition for ‘Dance Fever'. It should something classy, something understated, and yet it's got to pop, it needs pizzazz.

I'll admit that recently, endzone celebrations have gotten a bit out of hand. There's also been some somewhat misguided backlash against the celebrators. Take Terrell Owens, easily the poster boy for celebration shenanigans. Personally, I loved the pom-poms. The Sharpie was a bit much, but there's really not a lot of harm in what he does. I'd tear down a sign unjustly criticizing my hygienic regimen, too. I wish I could muster the courage to mimic the trademark dance of the league's most fearsome player while he's standing 15 feet away, in front of 70,000 fans and a nationally televised audience.

Actually, the Chiefs should have no problem devising some organized statement of team euphoria. As a group, the Chiefs are probably the NFL's best at celebrating with class, and somehow manage to be entertaining at the same time. There's Tony Gonzalez's dunk, which has been copied throughout the league. There's Dante Hall's ‘X', which admittedly, I've adopted as my own celebration for life's little victories like successfully putting up a shelf, or scoring that hot little number's digits. Eddie Kennison has been the team's most consistent and entertaining performer, with a knack for spontaneity.

I consulted the Warpaint Dance Committee, consisting of basically myself, coworker Jennifer D. and some random guy, and we devised some basic ground rules for a team celebration:

Anything resembling the Electric Slide, Macarena or Chicken Dance is out. I don't think that merits an explanation.

Keep it short. Anything over say, 15 seconds is way too long, and risks the ire of the referee. It also avoids some high and mighty television announcer talking about how uncalled for that is, and how back in his playing days no one would allow that to happen, and vengeance would be swift and terrible and the earth would open and swallow the culprit immediately.

It can't be too complicated. Remember, anyone on the team should be able to execute the celebration. That means no 12 step handshakes, or some move you picked up from your ‘Darren's Dance Grooves' DVD.

It can't be vulgar. I know that kind of goes without saying, but it still warrants mentioning.

Now, I know some people won't agree with this, but like I said earlier, I don't care. See, I'm one of the few people left that believes a football game is a celebration not a funeral. Personally, I want to see guying playing together with passion and genuinely enjoying what they are doing. Football is a game of emotion, and that means downs and ups. When the Chiefs score or make a great play, I whoop and holler and high five the nearest person, even if it's a complete stranger. I can't see why it wouldn't be okay for the player that made the play to be happy about it, and demonstrate it.

So, it's settled. On behalf of the Warpaint nation, I will make it my personal crusade to get some sort of team celebration started as the Chiefs begin the march to Detroit next February. Now, all I need is a name…

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