Everyone knows that Santa brings presents to all the good little boys and girls, but did you know he also makes up lists for his favorite sports teams? It's no secret that Santa is a big fan of the Chiefs – it's the whole red connection and all – and he flew into Kansas City this year with a special delivery for Arrowhead Stadium.
Thanks to the glass of spiked eggnog we left by the chimney, we here at Warpaint Illustrated were able to get a brief look at Santa's list.
For Chris Chambers: a new contract.
For every other receiver the Chiefs have signed this season: a lump of coal.
For Brandon Carr and Brandon Flowers: Tennessee safety Eric Berry.
For the current Chiefs' safeties: a lump of coal.
For Ryan Succop: the Chiefs' rookie of the year award.
For the rest of the 2009 draft class: lumps of coal.
For offensive line coach Bill Muir: public recognition for the improved play of the Chiefs' offensive line over the last month or so, particularly on Sunday when the unit was without two starters.
For defensive line coach Tim Krumrie: public recognition for the improved play by the... wait, sorry, lost my place. A lump of coal.
For Jamaal Charles: an effective backup to keep him from taking too much of a pounding.
For Tamba Hali: someone, anyone, who opposing offenses also need to account for.
For Dwayne Bowe: an advance copy of The Derrick Johnson Story, a tale about an athletically gifted first-round draft pick who routinely made fans say "This is going to be his breakout season!" until one day they realized that he'd been in the league for five years and it still hadn't happened yet.
For Matt Cassel: a private, no holds barred meeting with Scott Pioli and Todd Haley where he can express his thoughts on:
1) Being stuck behind an offensive line that, for half the season, couldn't protect him.
2) Throwing to a constant stream of stone-handed receivers, many of whom were brought in off the street mere days before a game.
3) The fact that Larry Johnson was ever starting ahead of Jamaal Charles.
4) Having the offense he'd been learning since March yanked out from under him just before the first game of the season.
5) Mike Goff.
6) The team's most reliable pass catcher being traded away.
7) Not having a position coach.
8) Any combination of the above.
For Todd Haley: Madden 2010 and a subscription to Xbox Live, where his fourth-down decisions will fit right in.
For Scott Pioli: a red and gold diamond-covered glass display box for his mantel, where he can put the lump of coal that Santa already has him penciled down for next year.
What's Under The Tree At Arrowhead?
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