Analysis: Sure, it's all Andrew Luck's fault

Everyone rushes to blame the Colts quarterback and his turnovers for being 3-5. It's incredibly unfair. What else falls on Andrew Luck?

Is anyone else sick and tired of hearing how quarterback Andrew Luck is to blame for everything that’s wrong with the Indianapolis Colts?

Fine. Have it your way. Let’s just pile on No. 12’s sore shoulder and ribs and whatever else ails him.

Mr. Luck, time for you to accept responsibility for all of these things, and probably more that don’t come to mind. You’re the quarterback, so it’s understood this comes with the job.

Where to start?

The Colts are losing. It’s all Andrew’s fault.

Nobody is talking about the “Neard” anymore. That’s on Andrew, too. If he just shaved from the beginning, this wouldn’t have become a fad.

The O-line has allowed No. 12 to be sacked 14 times in six games. Yep, if only Andrew would get rid of the ball quicker. Seriously, is all of this that complicated? Could he stop getting hit, please?

Offensive coordinator Pep Hamilton got fired. Didn’t you just know, deep down, Andrew didn’t want to work any longer with the coach he’s known since college? Move along, Pep. No more to see here. Andrew now belongs to “Chud.”

McDonald’s is offering a breakfast menu all day, but there are no McGriddles? If Andrew entertained this endorsement and tolerated fast food for two seconds, he could change this.

Why is our home Wifi so slow? Andrew doesn’t have to wear a shirt to shoot a DirecTV commercial, so why can’t he pitch something everyone can use, like fast Internet service.

The horseshoe helmets haven’t had a 100-yard rusher in 48 games. Andrew, stop being such a ball hog. #MoreFrankGore.

Still haven’t found the three-time Pro Bowl star on social media, not Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, nothing. Doesn’t have the time for it, he says? So is it that difficult to share some of your millions with someone who can manage it for you? All the great ones do it. No Andrew on Twitter is an insult to those sworn to tweet.

This just in, there’s an incredible technological breakthrough known as an iPhone, that’s certain to sentence flip phones everywhere, including yours, to, I don’t know, wherever flip phones go to die. Quarterback Matt Hasselbeck was talking the other day about how he couldn’t send you a photo on your phone. Get with the times, Andrew.

For too long, Colts fans have been subjected to the same ridiculous touchdown song which states, “I don’t want to work, I want to bang on the drum all day.” How damn dumb is that? If we’re all about staying remotely current and trendy, speak up Andrew and tell them what to play when or if you ever throw another touchdown pass.

Right now, time for a break from sarcasm to ask if anyone needs the latest promotional code to sign up for FanDuel or DraftKings, where they can select a low-value Luck for little or no dollars spent and when he snaps out of this he’ll make you rich. Until that time, when you lose and are broke, yep, all Andrew’s fault.

Trent Cole has as many sacks as Luck does. Uh, zero. Maybe if you can give him a pep talk, Andrew. For crying out loud, if anyone needs a pick-me-up chat other than you, it’s him, right? Or Bjoern Werner. Or Anthony Castonzo. Or Andre Johnson. Or Vontae Davis. Or T.Y. Hilton. Oh, sorry, this is all about Andrew.

Saw Johnny Manziel create for himself with a first-half scramble against the Bengals the other night. Remember when Luck used to do that? That’s most definitely all in your head and not in your legs. Hey, I don’t even care if you slide properly or not. It’s always interesting waiting to see how you end each scramble, anyway. (But it does give the Mrs. a heart attack each time, so that’s your fault.)

Hasselbeck won two games while Andrew was inactive. See, Mr. Luck is holding the wily vet back. How is the 78-year-old backup quarterback ever going to win a Super Bowl before he retires if Andrew insists on playing all the time?

My life isn't working out as I planned. We all need to make more money. That's got to be Luck's fault, too.

Why is it that nobody makes an original movie anymore? Do we really need to see another rendition of Peter Pan? Did somebody really need to remake Point Break? Andrew, head to Hollywood after this season finally ends and get those movie guys straightened out. Director Quentin Tarantino needs to make more films. Start by talking to him, please.

Peyton Manning is coming to town Sunday? Yeah, that’s on Andrew, too. If Luck wasn’t the best NFL prospect since John Elway, the Colts could have kept Manning and not let Luck take on the role of carrying a franchise for three years until he suffered the first serious injury of his career, played hurt because he’s got the heart and guts of a true warrior and has never had the O-line that Peyton enjoyed while he was here, yet people turned on Luck anyway.

That about sums up where we’re at these days, does it not? McGriddles on me, everybody, but remember only before 11 a.m., then we can rip into this former savior some more.

Oh and by the way, Andrew, stop accepting the blame for everything. That’s probably the biggest one of all. Quit apologizing all the time. Let some other guys do it, presuming any of the other Colts might have any reason to say, “I’m sorry” for anything.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s possible someone else has been screwing this up, too. Just a thought.

Phillip B. Wilson also can be found on Facebook and Google+.


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